• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

3 things schools don’t teach kids


Oct 1, 2023

\”When your children are small, it will be better when they grow up\” – this sentence is often heard from parents around me. If we really believe this and let our children grow up like this, you will find that the problems behind them are getting bigger and bigger. Especially the following three things, if you don’t teach them, few people will patiently remind your children in the future. No one would tell a child that he is not popular. \”Why is my child always not popular despite being very good at studies?\” This is a question asked by a mother in a message. After getting to know him, he discovered that this child is indeed considered outstanding. His academic performance has always been among the best in the class, and he is a top student in the eyes of teachers in various subjects. But when getting along with classmates, conflicts often arise. He either makes female classmates cry or pokes other children\’s sore spots. He is also very competitive and no one in the class likes to play with him. No coincidence. A college student reader friend also complained that she had a roommate who was difficult to get along with, which often led to conflicts in the dormitory. This roommate likes to stay up late. She likes to watch short videos before going to bed. She plays them at high volume and laughs while watching them. She sets 7 or 8 alarm clocks every morning and starts ringing at six o\’clock, waking up everyone except her. people. After repeated reminders from other roommates, to no avail, everyone finally tacitly agreed to spend less time with her. In collective life, in addition to studying, it is also important for children to get along with their classmates. Whether they are primary school students or college students, interpersonal relationships deeply affect children\’s group life experience. After entering society, many habits and attitudes of children determine their popularity. Generally speaking, those \”unpopular\” children have more or less the following characteristics: too self-centered; don\’t like to think from other people\’s perspective, don\’t care about other people\’s feelings; like to poke people\’s scars and expose people\’s shortcomings; always They have to be verbally inferior and don\’t know how to read people\’s emotions; they are impulsive and irritable, and it is difficult to control their emotions… To sum up in popular words, it means that the emotional intelligence is a bit low. Children like this will become increasingly lonely in relationships because they have difficulty recognizing their own problems. We might as well think about it in another person\’s shoes: Suppose you have a colleague or friend with low emotional intelligence like this. You will not take the initiative to remind him. You will only think that you and him are not the same person, and finally choose to gradually alienate. In order to avoid this situation from happening, parents need to provide timely guidance at an early stage when it comes to getting along with others. Although it is not necessary to make their children lovable, at least they should not let them become unpopular. From the interactions between children, we will find that for those popular children, excellent academic performance is a small aspect. If they have empathy, can understand the feelings of others, and have better collaborative skills when handling disputes , such children are better able to develop healthy interpersonal relationships. Therefore, to cultivate children\’s emotional intelligence in getting along with others, we must protect the precious qualities of innocence and kindness in children\’s nature, find ways to cultivate children\’s empathy, guide children to think from others\’ perspective, and teach them to control their emotions and respect others. In most interpersonal interactions, sincerity and kindness are enough. How to Handle Good Interpersonal Relationships – The Perfect Scanned Version of Aaron Piss\’s Body Language Code pdf No one will tell a child: His social adaptationMy ability is very limited. A friend who works in HR once told an interesting story during the interview process: He once met a boy who had graduated half a year ago. His parents came to the interview with him. The boy’s mother even wanted to follow him into the conference room. He refused. This is not the first time such a thing has happened in his work. He told me that in today\’s workplace, there are many young people who are not independent enough. At work, they are picky about their work, cannot tolerate any criticism, and evade responsibility. To sum it up in one sentence: psychologically fragile and with limited abilities. In life, parents pay far more attention to their children\’s learning than other abilities: as long as they study well, other aspects can be slow and waiting. It was only when the children entered society that they discovered that academic qualifications are only one aspect of testing a person, and it is more of a comprehensive examination. Some children are not independent enough, some have not developed their mental toughness, and some have no sense of responsibility… This has resulted in some highly educated young people performing particularly poorly in dealing with others. If a child does not know how to get along with society, it will be difficult for him to go far. There is a very old Japanese documentary \”The Story of the Fox\”. When the little foxes just grew up, the old fox chose to drive them away from home without hesitation. The eyes of the little foxes who were driven away were full of sadness and helplessness. The old fox seems cold and heartless, but this is the law of survival of nature. If a child always relies on his parents, he will never grow up. This story tells us that before their children leave home, parents must complete their education and give their children the ability to control life and adapt to society. There is a mother around me who lets her child do what he should do when he is very young: when he is 3 years old, he is allowed to take out the garbage in his room; when he is 4 years old, he is taught to fold clothes; when he is 5 years old, he is taught to fold clothes. At that time, let him prepare things for kindergarten every day… The old man felt distressed when he saw the little back of his child doing these things, but the mother said: \”Help him develop these little habits. When he grows up, we don\’t have to worry about him.\” You can\’t take care of yourself well.\” What these little things build up is the child\’s confidence in doing things on his own, and his ability to face the world alone is also built up bit by bit. There is such a metaphor: \”We water and fertilize a flower, and feel happy watching it grow slowly. This is love. We pinch a flower off, put it in our pocket and take it away. This is called possession.\” This kind of possession is not protection, but harm. If you really love your child, don\’t break his wings or prevent him from flying. Instead, you should teach him the ability to adapt to society and get along with the world before he is ready to leave you. This is the most important responsibility of a parent. No one would tell a child: He is not well-educated. A friend who was on a blind date recently said to me: Although eating is a very ordinary and trivial matter, it can reveal the other person\’s self-cultivation. The first evaluation of the other party is usually made while eating. For example, the etiquette before the meal, the habits during the meal, and the attitude towards the waiter can all give a glimpse of his or her accomplishments. Character is most evident in the details. This reminds me of an episode when I was having dinner with a friend, who was 7 years oldMy son, maybe hungry, was tapping the bowl with his chopsticks, impatiently waiting for the food to be served. When the friend saw this, he immediately took off his chopsticks and said to him: \”It\’s very rude to knock the bowls and plates on the dinner table.\” \”If the elders don\’t move the chopsticks, we can\’t eat.\” When the waiter changed the children\’s plates, the friend said Guide the child to say: \”Thank you.\” When I ate at the same table with this child for the second time, I found that the rules taught by my friends had become the child\’s habits. Parents often ask us how to raise an educated child. In fact, education is hidden in the details of how to treat others. When your child said bad words in front of your elders for the first time, did you criticize him in time? When your child bullied a classmate in kindergarten for the first time, did you ask your child to apologize promptly? When your child makes a fuss in a public relations setting, do you seriously stop him? When a child is wild, almost no one will honestly tell you: Your child is very rude. Only by timely discovery and education by parents can children learn the rules of life. In recent years, incidents of \”bear\” children have become common in this society. Some make a lot of noise on the high-speed train; some make a noise in a movie theater and kick the back of the front seat; some damage relatives’ Lego and figurines; and some scratch other people’s cars… In fact, if children are naughty, they can’t do it in public places. It\’s normal to be noisy. After all, children are not machines that can just press pause and sit down. What people care more about is the attitude of parents. Why do many children always despise the rules, have no rules in their words and deeds, and refuse to change despite repeated admonitions? Most of it is because parents ignore the rules and are always looking for reasons and excuses for their children. The well-intentioned advice from others turns into accusations and criticisms to parents. Compared with the children, it is the parents who need enlightenment more. When I go to the cinema to watch a movie, there will be some restless children sitting next to me, but the parents next to me will dissuade and comfort them in time, and the audience next to me can watch the movie quietly for one or two hours. Whether a child is a bear or a good boy is not the difference between children, but the difference between parents. Children\’s education before the age of 12 is very important. Qualified parents never use their young age as an excuse. They neither lose love nor lack discipline. They teach their children what they can and cannot do. There is nothing to be afraid of when children make mistakes. The important thing is that parents must take care of them and not turn a blind eye. Only principled parents can raise well-behaved and polite children.

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