• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

5 common behaviors parents use to make their children feel insecure


Oct 1, 2023

What does it feel like to feel safe? Some people say: Feeling safe is being able to sleep in the back seat of a car. \”When you were a child, your parents took you out in the car, and at night, you fell asleep in the back seat without knowing it. You didn\’t have to worry about anything, your parents were in the front seat, and they were responsible for worrying about everything. But this time is short, Suddenly you become the adult sitting in the front, and the adult loses the right to sleep in the back seat forever.\” A person\’s initial sense of security comes from his parents. During the parenting process, parents\’ emotions, mental state, and tone of voice when interacting with their children will all affect their children\’s sense of security. Children who have no sense of security often feel uneasy when they go out. They will repeatedly confirm whether their parents are around and dare not leave their parents to challenge themselves. Recommended scientific parenting books. I really hope my parents have read this book. Download the electronic version. The book \”Cultivating Children\’s Sense of Security\” points out that babies and preschoolers who lack a sense of security will have these common characteristics: excessive sadness; aggressiveness and excessiveness. Taking risks; excessive fear and anxiety; avoidance of certain emotions; fear of expressing emotions in words; passive, helpless behavior, appearing timid… In life, the following 5 things can easily destroy a child\’s sense of security, and parents need to pay attention. It makes children feel abandoned. \”If you keep doing this, I don\’t want you anymore.\” I believe many parents have said this to their children. It can subdue a child very quickly. However, the damage it causes is immeasurable. . A child is most afraid of his parents telling him, \”I don\’t want you anymore.\” They often become timid because of this, fearing that they will actually be abandoned by their parents, which creates long-term fear and pressure. I once heard a parent show off his \”trick\”. If his 4-year-old son is naughty, he will lock him out of the house and pretend to let him go. After a while, the child will knock on the door crying and shout: \”Mom, mom… …\” If you ask him again if he dares to make trouble, the child will cry and say: \”I don\’t dare anymore.\” This kind of \”effective\” trick is essentially rude and indifferent, which deeply hurts the child\’s sense of security and safety. A sense of belonging. You can\’t imagine how helpless and collapsed a child feels when he is locked out in a dark corridor. It is difficult for children to distinguish whether an adult\’s words are angry or true. The jokes made by adults to scare children are a kind of attack and harm to children. Therefore, if you want your child to feel safe, don\’t often threaten to abandon him. I hope he never existed. In a variety show, the \”5 most destructive sentences to children\” were hung on the wall: When did I promise you? What\’s the point of raising you? If you keep doing this, your parents will no longer want you. I told you a long time ago and you refused to listen. We are all here for your own good. Among them, \”What\’s the point of raising you?\” is the most destructive, and words like \”I really regret giving birth to you!\” These words of wishing that the child had never existed are just words of anger, but will leave the child at a loss. . The child\’s inner monologue is: \”Mom and dad don\’t love me, I\’m not welcome in this family, everything is so bad because of me.\” Then they will begin to doubt their own existence, begin to deny themselves, and then Try your best to please your parents. Writer Liu Yu is giving herselfThe daughter who had just turned 100 days old wrote in a letter: \”It is the children who should be thanked. It is they who make their parents\’ lives more \’complete\’, give them something to rely on in their emptiness, and allow them to experience the mystery of the openness of life.\” and joy. Most importantly, let them experience loving with all their heart – that\’s a kind of freedom, isn\’t it? To be able to let go of all guarding and love freely, that is the greatest freedom.\” Every parent decides to have a child At that moment, we should thank our children for giving us such freedom. Frequently sneaking away when the child is not looking This is especially common when a child has separation anxiety. Some mothers don\’t want to see their children sad, so they sneak away when the children are not paying attention and leave without saying goodbye. For example, parents will use this method when their children enter kindergarten for the first time. In fact, this is a very bad method, and it is easy for the child to think that he has been abandoned by his parents. Some children are in panic all day long, become insecure, and are even more afraid of their parents suddenly disappearing the next day. Therefore, it is recommended that when parents send their children to kindergarten, tell them that you are leaving and when you will come to pick them up. Even if the child is crying, you should tell him: \”Mom will be waiting for you at the door after school!\” The child may not necessarily accept it readily, or even Crying and fussing, but it was much better than the fear of suddenly discovering that his mother was missing while playing a game. It\’s the same at home. As long as your child can\’t live without you, you have to find ways to say goodbye to him: \”Mom will be home soon after work!\” \”Mom has to go out for something. Grandma will play with you for the day.\” \”After work, mom will pick you up. You.\” Encourage your child to take the initiative to say \”goodbye\” to you, then fulfill your promise and appear in front of him in time. The more times you do it, the child will know that you are only leaving temporarily, which will help build trust between parents and children. If the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious or the relationship between parents is not harmonious, children are often the first to feel it. In \”Youth Talk\”, a little boy in sixth grade talks about his parents\’ quarrel. As soon as the child came on stage, he admitted that his parents were not cute. Although his parents loved him very much, they often quarreled over various issues. Once, they got so excited that they even mentioned divorce. The word \”divorce\” is like a sharp knife, deeply piercing the child\’s heart. Thinking of this, the boy burst into tears. He said to his parents: \”If I studied well and had good habits, my parents would not quarrel.\” The parents in the audience were ashamed. It is a nightmare for a child when he sees the two people he loves most start to argue. They often can\’t help but worry that their parents will separate and that they will be abandoned at any time. They live in a tense atmosphere for a long time, walking on thin ice at home, sandwiched between their parents, and bear the bickering between them. When parents quarrel, the children end up paying the bill. It is difficult for children to feel loved and safe if they live in a family where their parents have a disharmonious relationship for a long time. There is no couple in the world who does not quarrel. The difference is whether the two people are willing to minimize the negative impact after the quarrel and think of comforting the children and repairing the family relationship. That way love won\’t slip away. Not taking care of children or having unstable caregivers. I know a mother who, due to work reasons, sent her son back to the countryside to be taken care of by the elderly when he was 2 years old.A few days after the separation, the son suddenly couldn\’t see his mother and cried heartbrokenly every day. The old man comforted her on the phone: \”It\’s okay, the child is forgetful, just cry for a few nights and he will be fine.\” The \”forgetful\” child did adapt to the new environment quickly, but the cost was also painful. She separated from her son for a year before taking him back to her. As a result, the child clamored for his grandma, often until midnight. Children are also a bit timid and always hide behind adults when seeing people. The child\’s lack of security may require the mother to spend a lot of time and energy to make up for it. There are many young parents like this mother who leave their children to the elderly at home because they are busy at work or have no experience, and then take the children back to them when they are older. However, the period before a child is 3 years old is a critical period for establishing a sense of security and attachment. From the moment of birth, the mother\’s warm embrace, gentle touch, and whispered coaxing to sleep can quickly soothe the child. The breath of the parents is an important source of security for the child. If a child lacks parental care during this period, he or she will easily become timid and withdrawn, and the damage suffered will be irreparable.

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