A mother asked me in the background: If your child always procrastinates, you need to be reminded. When doing homework, you must keep an eye on it before doing it. You can play on the computer for a whole day without being reminded. You have to be reminded to eat and sleep. I scolded and scolded, and the truth was explained, but not only did the child not improve at all, but he became more and more disobedient. What should I do? In fact, children\’s problems are often a reflection of their parents\’ education. [Complete] The main contents of Waiwaitu’s emotional intelligence education are 27 classroom MP3 downloads. Every child who is not self-disciplined is because his parents’ guidance is not in place. If parents can understand these 5 psychological laws, they will definitely be able to find the correct \”path\” to cultivate their children\’s self-discipline. Over-the-limit effect: The more parents nag, the more children react. A netizen asked: \”Why does the more my parents urge me to study hard, the more irritable and angry I become and don\’t want to study?\” He said that he was already in college, and he was clearly interested in it at the beginning. He was full of interest in studying, but his parents suddenly sent him a message asking him to study hard, and he suddenly lost motivation. Because he failed two subjects, his parents would send him videos every day to urge him. He was originally taking online classes, but when his parents urged him to do so, he became extremely irritable and didn\’t want to study at all. Why do the more nagging parents make their children resentful? This is because of the \”over-limit effect\”: when the stimulation is too much or too long, it will cause people to rebel. If parents nag too much, their children will have a rebellious mentality of \”I have to do this.\” I used to worry about my son being unconscious. When watching cartoons, even if I yelled at him many times to stop watching, he would not turn off the TV and would even say \”You are so annoying\” and \”Why don\’t you let me watch\”. Later, I began to use rules instead of urging. When watching cartoons, I will tell him the rules first, \”You can only watch two episodes, and you can turn it off after watching it.\” After the child agrees, he will take the initiative to turn off the TV every time without me reminding him. Reminders and criticisms to children only need to be given to the end. Otherwise, always \”holding on\” to one thing will severely damage the child\’s confidence and weaken the trust between parents and children. There is a mother who has set three principles for herself when educating her children: when the children make mistakes, criticize and encourage them equally, and avoid repeated preaching; use time to control the children\’s rules instead of repeated reminders; communicate with the children using \”do\” \”Replace \”say\” and don\’t show off to the child. Educate children to avoid the \”over-limit effect\”, and children, no matter how unconscious they are, will slowly learn to self-restrain and acquire self-discipline. Desi Effect: Wrong material rewards kill children\’s drive. A father in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province specially made a reward and punishment chart to urge his children: Get up in the morning and study for half an hour, and you will be rewarded 1 yuan each time; if you don\’t wet the bed, you will be rewarded 1 yuan. Yuan; a reward of 5 Yuan for scores above 95 in the exam… This method seems to motivate the children, but in fact it has little effect. During the interview, the father was helpless: he had tried every method, but his child still had not changed. Although the methods of \”reward\” and \”punishment\” can motivate children in the short term, they will cause great hidden dangers over time. There is a famous \”Desi effect\” in psychology: when a child is interested in something, using material rewards to motivate him can be effective in the short term, but blindly using material rewards will make the child lose his internal drive. If the child behaves in certain ways, one can only rely on outsiders toWhen the stimulation is maintained, once the stimulation weakens or disappears, the behavioral ability will also weaken. There once was a boy who refused to go to school. In order to let him go to school, his father promised him \”as long as you go to school, I will give you one yuan.\” So the boy took the money and went to school happily. Later, whenever he refused to go to school, the boy would ask his father for money and threaten him: \”If you don\’t give me money, I won\’t go to school.\” The boy would threaten to jump off the building if his father refused. Reward-based education, on the surface, is an incentive, but in fact it gives children a passive choice. A philosopher once put forward this theory: There are two reasons why children will take the initiative to do something. One is because the child likes it, and the other is because the child can get something in return. Liking stimulates the child\’s inner motivation and makes him \”want to do it\”; while receiving rewards will cause the child to be unable to distinguish between \”reward\” and \”liking\”, and will be more inclined to \”material transactions\”. To cultivate children\’s self-discipline, we must first change passivity into initiative. It must not rely on material rewards. By integrating interests and needs into education, children will have the state of \”I want to do it.\” In the documentary \”Childhood in a Foreign Country\”, a Finnish teacher was asked \”What should I do if my child is not good at math?\” The teacher said: \”We will not think that the child is not good at math, but will reflect on our own education issues. If he is interested in cars, We will start by talking about cars, and then stimulate his interest in mathematics.\” Only by finding the child\’s true love and sense of accomplishment can he truly do things with internal drive. Efficient time management is to manage yourself: Training Manual 130 talks about the Rosenthal Effect: Change, start by giving children positive expectations. There is a famous \”Rosenthal Effect\” in psychology: a group of ordinary children who are randomly selected, through After 8 months of \”affirmative education\”, I have made great progress in my grades. I not only have strong self-confidence, but also have a strong thirst for knowledge. This leads to an educational truth: when you treat your child with a positive attitude, he will develop in the way his parents expect. It is like a hint to the child. The more you convey positive expectations to the child, the more the child will feel \”I can definitely do it.\” A \”scumbag\” son only scored 7 points in the exam, but his father set off fireworks for him to celebrate. The purpose is to reward his son and encourage him to keep moving forward. This child\’s grades have been very poor in the past, and he often scored zero points on exams. This encouragement made him very interested in learning. Not only did he take the initiative to study, but his grades also improved by leaps and bounds, from 7 points to 57 points. Encouragement is a positive hint. The more you give it to your child, the more positive it will be. Affirmation and praise will give the child a sense of trust, which will support the child\’s belief and allow him to change from passive to active, from \”you want me to learn\” to \”I want to learn.\” Instead of criticizing your child, \”Why can\’t you do anything well?\”, it is better to say, \”We see that you have worked hard, and you will try your best next time.\” With the sense of expectation naturally revealed in language, children will have the belief that \”I must do well\”, and self-driving force will follow. A child with self-motivation is willing to do something from the bottom of his heart. Once he has such motivation, he will be able to develop a self-disciplined character without the urging and coercion of others. path dependency: Cultivating good habits from an early age is the key to children’s self-discipline. Not long ago, I saw a very self-disciplined little boy. This boy is 8 years old and has been reading in the morning for 400 days. He gets up at 6:30 every morning and reads aloud for ten minutes. Why can he hold on so well? It\’s because he has turned morning reading into a habit. This is what is called \”path dependence\” in psychology: Once a person enters a certain path, whether it is good or bad, he may become dependent on this path, and it is difficult to change. The boy just fell into the morning reading path, and it has become a habit, so it is easy to stick to it. When a child is 3-6 years old, it is a critical period for brain development, personality behavior and habit formation. Children at this time have strong plasticity. At this time, when the child has not yet developed a certain habit, parental supervision can help the child develop good habits. The mother of Yang Chenyu, the top scorer in the college entrance examination, has a set of educational wisdom: when the child has no ability to autonomously, he must be supervised to develop a habit; the process of supervision is very painful, you must always pay attention to him; after the child is established, the road will be easy. . Parents use positive \”path dependence\” to supervise their children. For example: During the holidays, set a time for children to practice calligraphy every day and how many books to read. With small goals, children will be motivated, and over time they can turn it into a habit. Broken Windows Theory: Lead by example and create an environment of self-discipline. A friend complained that his son always stayed in bed recently and was not conscious about studying. I was surprised at the time because the child had always been a top student in the class and studied very hard. It turned out that during the summer vacation, a friend sent the child to his uncle\’s house. My aunt also likes to sleep in, and feels that it is rare for her children to be lazy during the holidays, so she said to her: \”It\’s a rare holiday, so you don\’t have to get up so early, just sleep more.\” In the first few days, my son could still go to bed early and get up early. But gradually, he not only started to like staying in bed, but also often played games until midnight, and started to procrastinate on homework… Sometimes, we often find that a certain habit or specialty that the child insists on is suddenly delayed due to something. Once you relax one day, it will be difficult to persist. Such children actually fall into the \”broken window theory\”: once someone breaks the windows and glass of a building, if the window is not repaired in time, more windows and glass will be broken. Just like a child\’s indulgence and slackness, there will be a first time and a second time. If parents don\’t correct them in time, the problems will accumulate. \”A wall of thousands of miles is destroyed by an anthill.\” The good habits established by children can easily be corroded by bad habits. To develop a child\’s self-discipline, we must repair the child from the \”root\”, and this \”root\” is the parents. To prevent the \”broken window effect\” from happening in their children, parents only need to do two things: use role models to guide their children and try not to break good habits; if bad habits have been broken, they should replace bad behaviors with positive things. and eliminate. For example: if a child doesn\’t like reading, parents can pick up a book and read it themselves first to create an atmosphere; if a child is always playing with mobile phones, parents should put away their mobile phones; only self-disciplined parents will raise self-disciplined children. When a child behaves badlyWhen you get used to it, you must correct it in time. The process of \”filling the holes\” is the beginning of pushing children towards self-discipline. U.S. President Roosevelt once said: \”There is a quality that can make a mediocre person stand out from the crowd. This quality is not talent, education, or IQ, but self-discipline.\” As parents lead the way for their children to grow up, they must do a good job. A coach for your child’s development. Children always procrastinate unconsciously. This is not a fault, but a problem that needs to be corrected as they grow. Download Feng\’s Early Childhood Education Revolution [HD 8 DVDs + 3 PDFs totaling 4.0G] They need our guidance and help. See the children\’s needs, communicate in a gentle way, and understand them with empathy. Only then will the children develop to the greatest extent possible. On to self-awareness. In every child, the spark of self-discipline and progress always exists. It is not suppressed by brute force, but illuminated by wisdom.