• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

A sign of a woman’s low emotional intelligence is that she keeps reasoning with her children.

The day before yesterday, I saw a mother in KFC who kept scolding her child after her child spilled a drink on his clothes. He said that the child couldn\’t do this thing well. I usually taught her to serve drinks with both hands, so why couldn\’t she remember? The child looked at his mother with a look of grievance. During this period, the child\’s father came over to persuade him. But the mother was still reluctant, insisting that the child admit that he was careless and promise to wash the soiled clothes after returning home. In public, the little girl looked helpless, but her mother didn\’t realize anything was wrong. It wasn\’t until the child cried and admitted that it was his fault that the mother stopped blaming him. Such a scene made the people next to me shake their heads after seeing it. My friend who went shopping with me said to me softly: \”This mother typically has low emotional intelligence. She thinks her education method is right, but She didn’t know that the result of her doing this was to hurt the child’s weak heart.” That day I saw that the child looked very depressed throughout the meal, but her mother didn’t notice at all. Mothers with low emotional intelligence will ignore their children\’s feelings, accuse them arbitrarily, and constantly reason with their children. Who knows that this will not only fail to educate their children, but will only put them in an embarrassing situation. When a child makes a mistake, and the parents rationalize appropriately, there is no problem. But if you keep preaching and reasoning all day long, it will definitely be a disaster for the children. Educator Rousseau believed that the three most useless education methods in the world are: reasoning, losing temper, and deliberately moving. When children face a mistake, parents blindly argue with it, force the children to obey, and tell them the truth about whether the matter is wrong. The consequence of this is that we push our children against us. Being harsh to a child again and again is equivalent to making the child deny himself again and again. That kind of loneliness will only deepen the child\’s pain and make the child think that he can\’t do anything. A friend once told me something like this. She said that her daughter liked to slide down the handrail of the corridor for a period of time. A friend told the child that the handrails were dirty and not only stained their clothes, but also posed a safety hazard. She said several times that the child would not do this in front of her, but he still went his own way behind her back. Now she was very restless, and even once, she almost attacked her daughter. After listening to her story, I gave her a suggestion: Since the child is willing to do this, it is better to follow her. Just tell your child that it\’s OK to slide down the armrest, but they must wipe it clean with a rag first. At the same time, due to potential safety hazards, this can only be done with the company of parents. The child was very happy after hearing this. Every time his friends and children went out, they would play this game. Later, because he had to play the same game every day, the child no longer struggled with the handrails of the corridor. My friend said to me afterwards that it seems that sometimes, your blind preaching will not have any effect. If you want your children to understand the truth, parents should do something reasonable and let their children know the consequences of doing this and understand the consequences. reason. It is far better to let the children deeply understand the truth than if you keep reasoning! This is what a mother with high emotional intelligence should dothing. Today\’s parents always like to demand their children according to their own standards. Take the mother in front for example. She thinks that spilling a drink on clothes is something that shouldn\’t happen. Why can\’t her child do it? If the child can\’t do it, she will start to reason with the child non-stop. However, if you continue to talk like this, it will basically have no effect except making the child more disgusted with the matter. So how can we make children understand the truth? Here, adults should set an example for their children as soon as possible and control their emotions, because if you want your children to accept your point of view, you have to start with your emotions. This way, it will be easier. If you can\’t control your emotions and just preach, the children won\’t agree with your point of view from the bottom of their hearts. No matter how much you talk, what\’s the use? Parents\’ constant preaching to their children is mostly ineffective. For children, parents\’ love is far more important than tongue. Of course, there are also some parents who rarely reason with their children. They have a very special style of doing things. That is, if you don\’t want to listen to what I say, just start fighting. After the beating, he asked the child again and again, why should I hit you? Did I hit you because you were disobedient? You should remember this lesson next time, right? Parents who, after fighting like this, then go back and reason again, are even more speechless than those who simply reason. If reasonable parents have low emotional intelligence, then parents who spank their children basically have no emotional intelligence. If the children of those parents who beat and scold them meet, it will be a disaster. Parents also have a conceptual bias: to demand their children according to their own standards. What you think is right may not exist at all in the eyes of children. My best friend once pointed at a child who was playing with colored clay and told her that it was wrong for you to make the house dirty by playing like this. The child looked at her and said, \”Mom, isn\’t it wrong to play with colored clay? Why does Xiaoyue\’s mother still encourage her to play?\” The child was right, but the mistake was that the mother failed to realize that playing with colored clay was a mistake. According to adults\’ behavioral standards, they think that the home will be dirty, and some children will even get it on their clothes, making it difficult to clean. But for children, playing with colored clay is really not a wrong thing. During the process of playing, they feel happy, so deep in their hearts they will think, why is it wrong to do happy things? But when my daughter plays with colored clay, she stains her clothes and sheets every time. How can we get her to face this problem? Later, my best friend no longer stopped her daughter from playing, but always asked her to clean the clothes stained by colored mud. After a few times, my daughter seemed to have changed. She took the initiative to tell her best friend that when she played in the future, she would no longer get it on her clothes and bed, otherwise it would be too laborious to clean. Afterwards, my best friend told me that education is never a process of reasoning, but a process of experience. Only by letting children experience it can they understand and change themselves. Only mothers with high emotional intelligence would do this. Of course, some parents think it is too indirect for their children to experience and feel. The most direct way to educate a child is to tell him that this is wrong.As some parents once said, I pointed him to a bright road, but he just wanted to jump into the fire pit. Do children like jumping into fire pits? No, it\’s just that the children didn\’t realize that it was a fire pit. No matter how much parents say, it\’s better to let the children experience it. Only by letting your child try it will he realize that that path doesn\’t work. However, most parents dare not make such an attempt, fearing that their children will hurt themselves during the experience. So much so that they often preach to their children, or even prevent them from doing this. But have you ever thought about it, the more you tell your children not to do something, the more your children will want to try, which will make them more rebellious. What mothers with low emotional intelligence like to do most is to often tell their children that this is wrong and that it will not work. In the process of communicating with children, if you don\’t know how to control your emotions, it will also lead to frequent conflicts with your children. Psychologist Piaget once said: Children can only see the world from their own perspective. What children see is actually two different situations from what adults see. When parents reason with their children, they look at the problem from an adult\’s perspective, and children cannot understand much. Only when parents hold their children\’s hands and let their children experience the truth can their children understand the truths their parents tell them from their own perspective. At this time, they will be more able to realize that what their parents said makes sense. Just like the best friend in front of me, she told her daughter many times not to play with clay on the bed, but the child just refused to listen. If she just preaches and stops, it will definitely not have good results. Only when a child experiences and understands it, can he internalize it into his own truth, and can he better understand why some things can be done and why some things cannot be done. In this world, not only children need to learn and grow, but parents also need to learn and grow. Mothers with low emotional intelligence should learn how to look at problems from their children\’s perspective and avoid lecturing them blindly. Educator Suhomlinsky once said this: In any educational phenomenon, the less children feel the educator\’s meaning, the greater the educational effect. When you reason with your children, your intention is too obvious, and the children passively accept it. If you lead by example and influence him with your actions, the effect will be much better. If you want your children to do their homework well, then it is best for you to pick up a book and start learning, because: your behavior has a far greater effect on your children than your preaching.

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