Recently, Hunan Satellite TV\’s variety show \”Youth Talk\” has become popular on the Internet, and many children\’s \”complaints\” have become popular videos in WeChat Moments. For example, Yuan Jingyi, a young girl who has just entered junior high school, is complaining about her mother. She said that her mother made her very \”hurt\” because she always compared herself with the top female students in the class, the grade, and the league. Every time the results came out, she was the worst. Things, but never saw her excellence and hard work. But what is the mother’s answer to the child’s pain and sadness? In the eyes of the mother, her daughter needs to receive \”criticism education.\” She does not recognize the \”grievances\” in her daughter\’s mouth, and her tone is extremely stubborn, always saying \”I think.\” She never thought that her daughter standing here and \”confessing\” to her was not resisting her, but looking for a more reasonable way of communication. The little girl originally walked into the show full of expectations, but ended up hiding her face and leaving. Many students in the audience also felt sad. It seems that this kind of thing did not only happen to Yuan Jingyi. However, in the eyes of mothers, \”other people\’s children\”, how do they evaluate their own daughters? In the eyes of her top female classmate, Yuan Jingyi is also \”someone else\’s child\”. Her bravery and kindness are irreplaceable and make her enviable. Every child is an angel who fell into the mortal world, but many parents lack a pair of eyes for discovery. At the end of the program, although Yuan Jingyi\’s mother softened her attitude, she still did not let go of her \”domineering\” attitude and still talked about her academic performance. The next \”confession\” is even more \”ridiculous\”. A girl who loved dancing and had a strong talent for dancing was blocked indiscriminately by her mother, who forcibly linked it to her academic performance. She hopes her mother will support her dream. The mother said that she could consider her daughter\’s suggestion, but she had to ensure that her daughter\’s academic performance would be among the top 100 in the grade. This is obviously a bit overwhelming. This is a key high school, and it is impossible for girls to improve their grades in a short period of time. The girl burst into tears on the spot. In desperation, she cried and asked her mother to give her a \”discount\” for the first 200 people. But the mother didn\’t buy it, and in the end she \”bargained\” and demanded that her daughter should be at least among the top 150 in the grade. But even so, the girl still agreed to her mother\’s request. Some people say that there are two types of people in the world who can tolerate your bad temper. The first type is those who love you, and the second type is those who are afraid of you. If you combine these two types of people, their name is a child. Sometimes, it may not be the children who are spoiled, but many parents who are \”spoiled\” by their children. \”I am a robot. As long as I enter a program, I will do it. No matter what my master tells me, I will do it, rain or shine. In their eyes, I am a good machine. Unfortunately, one day I was infected Viruses, I started to lose control. No matter what repair program the owner entered, they could not fix me. The owner was at a loss. They deleted all my programs, good or bad.\” You may think this is a paragraph from a science fiction novel.content, but what I want to tell you is that this is the opening line of the educational documentary blockbuster \”Mirror\” that CCTV spent ten years creating. The person who said this was Yan Heng (pseudonym), an 18-year-old high school student who was undergoing three months of treatment at a psychological rehabilitation school. Students like Yan Heng have come and gone and have been with this school for 138 years. They were all \”obedient\” good children in the eyes of their parents, but in the end they all went to the other extreme. Zeqing (pseudonym), 14 years old, is the youngest student among this group and the one with the most violent tendencies. Before he came here, he had just raised a knife and threatened his mother. You would never believe that such a \”violent\” child would come from a scholarly family. Both his parents are high-level intellectuals and have decent jobs. In the show, the psychological counselor tries to enter Zeqing\’s world. Zeqing\’s response to her was: \”I am a person with a sense of mission, and I will use my actions to wake up my family from their dreams.\” He said: \”My mother has a bad temper, and she is always right in the end. My dad was lying on the side, and when he couldn\’t stand it anymore, he would use violence.\” It turned out that all of Zeqing\’s \”violence\” came from his parents, who never listened to his voice. At first, he just obeyed blindly and took everything He puts the blame on himself, thinking that he must have done something wrong and failed to satisfy his parents. If it really can\’t be resolved, I will vent it in words on paper and write some violent language; then I will self-abuse, kicking the door, kicking the cabinet, and hammering the wall. Before that, he had sought communication from his parents more than once, but his father\’s indifference and his mother\’s impatience eventually made them lose all courage. When all the forbearance is exchanged for parents\’ \”remaining the same\” or even \”getting worse\”, violence is born. \”I am a mirror, and my face reveals how faithful I am to my parents, how similar I am to them both on the outside and on the inside.\” Can you imagine this being the inner monologue of a 14-year-old? Relationships between people are like looking in a mirror. The closer the relationship, the clearer the mirror. Children are always innocent and kind, and they will tolerate their parents\’ mistakes time and time again. If one day you find that your child has become unreasonable, as a parent, you must first examine yourself. Did you give him some unreasonable clues? As Zeqing himself said: \”It is them (parents) who have to stay here for 81 days. I am paying for them.\” Sometimes it is the parents who should receive the most education, because the mistakes of parents will eventually be borne by their children. Pay the bill. Kotaro Isaka wrote in \”A Serenade\”: \”When I think about being a parent without having to pass a test, I feel really terrible.\” Indeed, driving requires a driver\’s license, teachers require a teacher qualification certificate, and doctors require a medical certificate… In all walks of life, many require certification to work, but no exam is for parents. No one will test the qualifications and abilities of parents before preparing for pregnancy. But being a parent is the most difficult \”profession\” in the world. There is a question on Zhihu: \”How do you view the concept that children must obey their parents?\” Fudan University EducationScholar @小晓 gave the following intriguing answer: Many parents in China have not learned how to play a good role as parents, and they will disguise all their desire for control as: It is all for your own good. They are \”doing it for your own good\”, and any disobedience on your part becomes ungrateful. If you try to refute them, they might say: \”If your wings harden, you can fly! You white-eyed wolf!\” \”I eat more salt than you eat rice!\” \”Who am I doing in this life? For your own good?\” Obedience to parents has become a virtue, and disobedience is harmful to nature. When your parents\’ desire for control is not satisfied, your parents will immediately confront you with a \”victim\” mentality, subjecting you to strong moral kidnapping. Parents seem to be demonstrating their selflessness by saying things like that, but this kind of selflessness is tantamount to selfishness. In fact, children\’s love for their parents is the most selfless. If you don\’t want to be a \”spoiled\” parent, then when your child still loves you, please give him the same feedback: First, respecting your children is the greatest education for parents. Chinese parents are very afraid of their children breaking their authority, and mistakenly regard \”sensible\” and \”obedient\” as the criteria for judging whether their children are good or bad. However, no one is the same. Every child should have the right to choose. Parents should respect their children\’s right to say \”no\” and listen to their true inner thoughts. In this way, you may be able to discover many of your child\’s \”hidden talents.\” Second, learning to communicate is a required course for parents throughout their lives. Long Yingtai said: \”How many parents and children are in the same room but have nothing to talk about. They love each other deeply but don\’t know each other. They yearn for contact but can\’t find a bridge. They long for expression but have no language.\” A scene between parents and children , how many of us don’t cherish each other? But sometimes, parents often replace communication with self-righteous love, causing a deep gap between each other, which is euphemistically called the \”generation gap.\” Third, not being in a hurry is the best gift parents can give their children. Just like every flower has its own flowering period, everyone also has their own rhythm of life. As a parent, you don\’t need to see other flowers blooming early and make unreasonable tricks of \”snatching the seedlings to encourage their growth\”. Flowers come in thousands of forms and bloom at different times. Just wait for the flowers to bloom. Finally, here is a passage from American educator Jayne Major in \”Two-Way Parenting\”: \”If we have unconditional love for our family members and know that we will not be treated unfairly even if we make mistakes, we can never stop falling in love. Fear; if we can all pay attention to each other and appreciate each other\’s strengths, then we can gain a positive attitude; if we respect differences and no one requires us to only obey one belief, then we can be free to show our differences. \”mutual encouragement.