• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

Are you doing the \”Five Dos and Five Don\’ts\” principles of loving each other with your second child correctly?

1. \”I treat strangers better than my own brother!\” Xiao Ai is a 10-year-old girl who has a 3-year-old brother at home. My younger brother is at his most naughty and spends all day rummaging through boxes and cabinets looking for toys. A few days ago, my younger brother found a box of watercolor pens that Xiao Ai used in kindergarten at the bottom of the bookcase. He immediately felt like he had found a treasure and took them out one by one to doodle on the notebook. Xiao Ai walked out of the room to drink water while doing homework. She discovered that the watercolor pen her brother was playing with belonged to her. She quit on the spot and immediately went forward to snatch it from her brother. My brother is having fun, how can he be willing to return it? Each little hand grasped a pen tightly and refused to let go no matter what. The sister tried to pry off the younger brother\’s fingers, and the younger brother burst into tears. When her mother heard the crying, she rushed out of the kitchen. Seeing this situation, she couldn\’t help but advise Xiao Ai: \”You haven\’t played with something for several years. What does it matter if you give it to your brother to play with? You are a sister and you must be friendly to your brother.\” , stop being such a petty person!\” Unexpectedly, these words touched Xiao Ai\’s nerves, and she, who was just sulking at first, burst into tears: \”This is my thing, why should you give it to him to play with? Have you ever asked me? What\’s wrong with me being a sister? My sister must suffer a loss?\” Thinking about that kind of scene, I couldn\’t help but want to go crazy. \”The siblings always quarreled and even fought.\” Xiao Ai\’s mother had a headache: \”Xiao Ai is not a particularly petty person, but she is particularly aggressive when it comes to her brother. Sometimes I feel that she is more aggressive with strange children. Be good to your brother.\” \”Be nice to strangers than your own brother!\” No sentence can hurt the heart of a mother of two children more than this sentence! Why do we have a second child? \”Give Dabao a companion\” is definitely a very important reason. Every pair of parents hopes that their eldest child and second child can love each other, so that when we grow old, we still have a close relative of flesh and blood who can protect our loved ones for us. But will the second child definitely fall in love with each other? The conclusion is of course negative. Many children long for a younger brother or sister when they are young. At that time, in their minds, their younger siblings were just smart toys: obedient, well-behaved, and able to play with them. They do not realize that younger siblings are living people who have their own ideas, make various demands, cause destruction, lose their temper, and even steal the attention and love from their parents. Therefore, when the second treasure really arrives, especially after he can walk freely and expand the scope of his destruction, the relationship between Dabao and the second treasure will gradually enter a low point. The eldest baby begins to hate the second baby, and targets him everywhere. He is unwilling to share toys and snacks, is intolerant of the mistakes made by the second baby, and even beats the second baby… To improve this situation and make the second baby love each other, parents need to Master some basic principles: Second, the \”Five Don\’ts\” for loving each other between the second children 1. Don\’t give Dabao\’s old toys/clothes to the second baby without permission. Xiao Ai doesn\’t have a big problem with not sharing watercolor pens. wrong. The watercolor pen originally belonged to Xiao Ai. She has the right to decide whether to give it to her brother to play with. Her mother should not criticize Xiao Ai for this matter. It is the younger brother who needs education, and adults should gradually instill in him the concept of \”property rights\”. Many mothers will raiseIt is not a good idea to give the toys or clothes of the first child to the second child as a matter of course. Even if Dabao has outgrown clothes or toys that he hasn\’t played with for a long time, in Dabao\’s heart, they are still his. If you give it to Erbao without authorization, you are actually infringing on Dabao\’s property rights. This can easily lead to the Dabao becoming disgusted or even resentful towards the Erbao. 2. Do not compare Dabao with Erbao. When educating their children, parents often like to use another child as a comparison to highlight problems and hope to attract the children\’s attention. What we often call \”other people\’s children\” plays this role. If there is a second child in the family, parents may often say: \”Eat quickly, the younger brother has already finished\”, \”The younger sister is more diligent\”… Although such a comparison can make the child aware of the gap, it is more likely to make the child aware of the difference. Feeling resentful towards the other child. Especially when the excellence of Erbao is used to contrast the shortcomings of Dabao. Imagine your boss saying to you, \”Why is your performance so poor this month? Xiao Zhang is much better than you\”, or \”Why are you just here now? Didn\’t Xiao Zhang work overtime like you last night? He was already here!\” \”How do you feel about Xiao Zhang?\” Love more or hate more? 3. Don’t easily get involved in the dispute between Dabao and Erbao. It is normal for people to have conflicts. It is natural for Dabao and Erbao to have disputes, because there are too many conflicts of \”interest\” between them, among which the biggest conflict is That is: they all want more love and attention from their parents. Faced with the quarrels and fights between Dabao and Erbao, parents expressed that they were going crazy. In fact, we should relax a little and there is no need to regard it as a scourge. It is in quarrels and conflicts that children learn to compromise and give in, and to be considerate of others. Unless necessary, parents should not easily intervene in disputes between the first and second babies. Let them find their own solutions so that they can learn how to get along with others. No matter what solution is used to resolve the dispute, it will be difficult to satisfy both parties. If they came up with the solution themselves, then the dissatisfied party will be thinking about how to satisfy themselves next time. If the solution is provided by the parent, all dissatisfaction will be regarded as the parent\’s \”favoritism\”. 4. Don’t say “He is still young, please let him go.” Many parents often say to their Dabao, “My younger brother/sister is still young, please let him go.” The meaning of this sentence is: Although you are more reasonable, you are bigger, so please give way. Suppose your leader tells you: \”You have been here longer than Xiao Zhang. Let\’s give the bonus this time to Xiao Zhang!\” How do you feel about Xiao Zhang? Which one has more love or hate? 5. Don’t criticize one person in front of another. Everyone has self-esteem, and children are no exception. We know not to criticize our children in public, but we often fail to realize that we should avoid another child. No one wants to be watched when they are embarrassed, so please protect your child\’s self-esteem. Some parents, if you praise one while criticizing the other, you are not creating conflicts, but directly creating hatred. 3. The \”Five Essentials\” for second-born children to love each other 1. It goes without saying that it must be \”fair\”. A bowl of water must be balanced. In fact, I think the phrase \”the palms and backs of the hands are all flesh\” is not suitable to describe the second child in the mother\’s mind.The middle position, because the flesh of the palm and the back of the hand must be different, it is more appropriate to say \”the left eye and the right eye are both eyes\”. 2. Be \”calm\” When facing various conflicts between the second child, you must be calm. If a mother cannot control her temper, it can easily lead to greater chaos, because it is more difficult for us to be fair and equitable when we lose our temper. When my two sisters quarrel or fight, I often remind myself to just sit on the sidelines and ignore it unless I ask for help. If you have to come forward, remind yourself to treat it like \”other people\’s children\” and not bring too much of your own emotions into it. 3. Be \”tactful\” A few days ago, Xiaonuo said: \”I love my mother and I love my father.\” I asked her anxiously: \”Do you love your sister?\” She lowered her head and said: \”No.\” \”Why? Don\’t you love your sister?\” My little heart was hurt. \”Because my sister doesn\’t love me, she always bullies me.\” \”My sister is not bullying you. She also wants to play with you, but she may not be doing it the right way. My sister is just a child. You see, she goes to school every day like you. Learn a lot of knowledge, including learning how to play with my sister.\” Xiao Nuo nodded to express his understanding. That night, the two sisters were playing in the living room. Xiao Nuo asked Xiao Xi: \”Sister, mom said you don\’t want to bully me, but you just don\’t know how to play with me, right?\” The sister hesitated slightly embarrassed: \”Yes!\” Nuo said happily: \”Then I love you.\” I guess that at that moment, my sister would reflect on some of her actions and make up her mind to get along well with her. 4. Be \”cruel\” in fights between second children. Many mothers think that the second child is weak and has a weak endurance and is obviously at a disadvantage, so they can\’t help but intervene. But I often ask myself to be \”cruel\” and let them fight. Although the younger sister may feel more pain than the older sister, the pain is not enough to cause serious harm. On the other hand, the younger sister will realize that she will suffer a loss in a fight, thereby reducing her provocation to her older sister and trying to avoid fights. This in itself is an improvement. 5. Pay more attention to the big treasure: \”If there are two treasures in the family, protect the big one but not the small one.\” This saying makes sense. Before the arrival of the second baby, Dabao was \”the only one\” at home. The whole family revolved around him, and all good things belonged to him. After Er Bao arrived, everything became competitive. For Dabao, Er Bao, a latecomer, was always \”grabbing territory\” everywhere. Therefore, Dabao must have a psychological adjustment process, and we need to pay close attention to it. As for the second child, there has been competition since birth, and he has never monopolized his parents, so there is no problem of adaptation. 4. Some suggestions: If one has a birthday, both of them need gifts. In this way, they will remember each other\’s birthday and send blessings to each other from the bottom of their hearts. If one performs well and gets rewarded, the other should also be rewarded appropriately, so that they can share weal and woe and share weal and woe. (Of course, this depends on the specific situation. If the other behaves badly, there will definitely be no reward.) Let the eldest child help take care of the second child, such as throwing a diaper, handing something to the younger sibling, or telling a story to the older sibling. You can take your younger siblings for walks in the community, etc. Dabao\’s participation in taking care of the second baby can effectively stimulate Dabao\’s friendship for the second baby.Love, and the second treasure\’s dependence and worship on the big treasure.

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