• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

\”Aren\’t you taking care of your children full-time? Why are your children sick?\”

I am a stay-at-home mother who has been with my child since he was born and has been with him for nearly six years now. Because I am a stay-at-home mom, others have higher expectations of me. This is normal. After all, isn’t taking care of your children full-time just to take care of your children better? Therefore, some questions are always asked directly or indirectly. For example, from the early stage: \”Don\’t you take care of your children full-time? Why are your children sick?\” to the current stage: \”How many words does your child know? Children who take care of children full-time should be taught more, right?\” There are doubts and there is also pure curiosity. I take care of my children full-time because I do want to take care of them better. However, I don’t like to be defined by the stereotype of a housewife, and I don’t agree with the so-called “better” standards for raising children. Are the children being raised well? There is no specific organization to determine the detailed evaluation criteria. Because of this, anyone who wants to criticize can easily find out a small detail and comment on it in one or two sentences. Because of this, many stay-at-home mothers are easily disturbed by the outside world and worry about gains and losses. I broke through the siege, and looking back, I found that there are only three things I can do best to accompany my children: Emotional connection in the infant and toddler stage During the child\’s infant and toddler stage, many people pay attention to the child\’s development: eating fat is not Fat? Are you tall? How many teeth do you have? Gross movements and fine movements… Although these are all important, I think what\’s more important is: during his infancy and early childhood, I basically did it. He would have milk when he was hungry, and he would be able to see when he woke up and opened his eyes. To my mother\’s smile. The baby initially has a sense of omnipotence and believes that the world is integrated with itself. If the caregiver is good enough, the baby\’s sense of omnipotence will be satisfied, and a basic sense of existence will be established through the caregiver\’s timely response. Nurturers with sound personalities can convey safety and love to their babies. Babies internalize such traits and can face setbacks courageously in the future. When the child is older, I often say \”love words\” to him, and I am not afraid of being \”greasy\” at all. At first, he was a little unsure about his parents\’ love: \”What if there are other children who are cuter than me? Do you love me the most too?\” \”Then I love you the most too!\” I was extremely sure, and he was also extremely sure. . Even if someone says: \”Your mother doesn\’t want you anymore,\” he doesn\’t take it seriously: \”No way, my mother loves me the most.\” He is not afraid of his mother leaving. I think this is a good test for my companionship. one. The source of high emotional intelligence is emotional management. Children\’s emotional management is a big topic. Positive emotions can promote the physical and mental development of children and help children realize their potential, while negative emotions are normal and unavoidable. Sadness, loss, frustration… everyone will have negative emotions, but they should not be excessive. Excessive negative emotions may make a child lose his psychological balance, affect his personality construction, and even affect his future life and career.Industry. When children\’s negative emotions appear, parents need to intervene effectively, teach them to resolve them, and help their children manage their emotions. The so-called emotional management does not only mean controlling yourself from losing your temper, but also expressing your emotions in an appropriate way. Many parents do not have a deep understanding of their children\’s emotional management and do not pay enough attention to it. Taking crying as an example, everyone may think that there is no child who does not cry. Whether it is \”coaxing\” or \”scolding\”, the crying will be solved if it stops. In fact, this is not the case. If it is not handled well at the time, many emotional problems will accumulate. Before you learn to manage your emotions, you need to accept them, both positive and negative. When a child has negative emotions, there is no right or wrong way to cry or not to cry. There is no right or wrong way to react when something happens. It just depends on how the parents guide them. Even some adults are not very good at managing their emotions. They cannot digest bad emotions, grievances, exhaustion, resentment… any kind of emotional fluctuation can make them legitimately and angrily hurt the people around them. , this is a sign of low emotional intelligence. A person who learns to express himself correctly and has stable emotions will internalize good qualities over time. The benefits brought by good quality are endless. It seems to be high emotional intelligence, but the most essential essence is the ability to have happiness. My intervention in children\’s negative emotions ranges from a pleasant \”Don\’t cry, speak slowly\” to a calm \”review\” after each crying, sad or angry episode. Overall, the results are effective. He has an optimistic and cheerful personality and can express emotions correctly. When he is angry, he says \”I am very angry\” and asks his mother to comfort him. When he is jealous, he says \”I am very jealous\” and asks his mother to give him the same treatment as his father. His expression was based on himself, rather than accusing his mother of being too cruel or partial. I think this is my success in managing his emotions. Most of the time, many people\’s emotional expressions are not expressions, but venting, which hurts themselves and others and hinders communication. For example, if your husband comes home late, your wife will probably say: \”You came back so late, do you still have this family in your heart?\” The subject of such an expression is \”you\”, which tends to criticize and accuse. There will probably be a quarrel when you come down. Healthy emotional expression expresses one\’s own emotions, and the subject is \”I\”, \”I am very worried about you when you come back so late.\” The effect of expressing emotions in this way is immediately apparent. Establish correct outlook on life with your children. Our society is full of stereotypes, discrimination, and some anti-intellectual remarks. Even if I am conscious, there is no guarantee that my child will not be affected. One time, Baoduo and I were playing outside, and he saw a lady smoking. Our family\’s father doesn\’t smoke. Among our friends, there are very few men who smoke, and almost no women. This was probably the first time he noticed that \”women smoke too.\” He asked me in a low voice with surprise and curiosity, \”Mom, that aunt is smoking, is she a bad person?\” I was shocked when he said that. No one around me holds this view. I didn’t know he was like this.Where do ideas come from. I immediately said: \”No, men can smoke, and so can women. Smoking is just a personal habit, and it has nothing to do with being bad or not.\” Zheng Qiong, the director of the documentary \”A Way Out\” said: \”…You may (You have to) dig out a lot of shit that has been planted in this society and in this education, and then you can become a real person.\” \”A woman who smokes is a bad woman.\” This is society The environment implants \”shit\” in children\’s brains. The interviewee in \”The Way Out\” is Ma Baijuan, a little girl from a ravine in Gansu. She also had a dream since she was a child. She hopes to go to Beijing to study when she grows up. However, by the age of fifteen she had already dropped out of school, and shortly thereafter she got married and became pregnant. Her father said: \”Girls are like people from other people\’s families. They should study less and just have enough. After giving birth to a baby, it will be a big drag. Even if there is a job, it will be impossible to do it…\” This is the brain that the social environment gave Ma Baijuan. The \”shit\” implanted in it. Each of us has more or less \”shit\” implanted in our minds, and reading, experiencing, and seeing the world are the processes by which we dig out this \”shit\”. Changing the concept is shocking. During this process, I was surprised, lamented, and even regretted – why didn\’t I understand this truth earlier? Because I have personal experience, when raising my own children, I can’t help but want to tell them the truth that is truly beneficial to their growth as early as possible. I will try my best to filter out the harmful effects of toxic remarks to them. Before reading, experiencing, and seeing the world, his parents\’ education can also help him resist some bad habits. It is better for a boy to understand at an early age that smoking is just a habit and not a criterion for distinguishing good women from bad women. When he becomes an adult, he will be full of doubts when facing a smoking lady: This lady is obviously not a bad person. , why does she want to smoke? I accompany my child to grow up and take care of these three aspects well, let the child feel love, teach the child to express love, and let him learn how to view the world correctly. In this way, even if the child has no talent and will not stand out in the future, he can still be ordinary. Live happily in your life, right?

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