• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

Children\’s rules are often broken by adults

We often lament that today\’s children are becoming more and more unruly and spoiled. So when I go to the supermarket in front of my community to buy things at night, I always encounter a group of children surrounding the supermarket. He was holding a bunch of snacks in his hands, eating them in his mouth, and holding quite a few in his hands. Don’t blame the kids for being greedy, because it’s the parents who pay the final bill. In fact, it is not the children who become unruly. But there are not many adults who follow the rules. The so-called rules of many parents are like this: I think this is the way it should be, that was the rule at that time. When the situation passes and the mood changes, the rules that were just established immediately change. Is this a rule? No, it\’s just a little advantage that parents use to control or deceive their children. Others say that in this day and age, you are a fool if you follow the rules. Look how carefree those people who don\’t follow the rules live. So at the queuing window, there are always people who find reasons to jump in line. I remember once I took my son to Disneyland and encountered queue cutting several times. Once, two girls climbed over the guardrail and jumped in front of us, just to get to the big carousel early. At that time, they looked at me and I didn\’t know what to say. My son said to me, \”Dad, why don\’t they line up?\” I could only tell my son, \”They should be the sisters who work here. They are more anxious.\” But I felt uncomfortable in my heart for finding this reason. A netizen on Zhihu wrote about being scolded for obeying the rules: \”I only learned to ride a bicycle when I was a child. My parents took me for a walk on the street. When I encountered a red light, I rushed by myself while turning around and yelling at me to hurry up. Rush, but I always wait for the light to turn green before leaving. When I catch up with the adults, I will inevitably get a lecture: Why are you so cowardly? I don’t have a car anyway, you can pass in one rush, and you make us wait for you.\” Such a thing Too much. Many parents are always looking for excuses for their behavior. While teaching children to obey the rules, they break the rules at the same time. Recently, after dinner, I take my son to the square downstairs to play. I often see many parents playing with their mobile phones. The children just get together and play among themselves. Once, a boy refused to play with him because his friends. He found his mother and wanted to play with her mobile phone. At that time, his mother had a straight face and taught him sternly: \”Who said you can play with mobile phones? Didn\’t you say that children can\’t play with mobile phones? This is the rule, go and play with yourself.\” \”Then you play with me \”Mom is still busy.\” \”I can\’t play, why can you play?\” \”Because I am an adult and need my mobile phone to handle things.\” \”Then why are you busy all the time.\” In fact, she was playing mahjong on her mobile phone. If the child knows that his mother’s main business is playing mahjong. I wonder how he understands that rule? Sometimes, the rules established for children may be broken. My grandma is staying at my house these days. An old man who is almost 80 can also help clean up the dishes and wash the dishes. And of course he loves his little great-grandson very much. But things that give me headaches often happen. For example, when setting rules for children, the old man seems to be helping, but is actually breaking them. After we finished eating, my son would clean up the table in front of him and sweep the fallen food grains or residue into his own bowl. Then send it to the kitchen sink. I have been doing very well before,Sometimes my son and I have lunch together, and he will take my bowl away as well. But when the old man comes, he rushes to clean it up every time. When the little guy refused, she said it was fine and wanted to snatch it away. But his son\’s behavior has become a habit, so he still resists and wants to complete it himself. In addition, the little guy and I have an agreed rule: we cannot turn on the TV every morning, but we can turn it on for a while in the afternoon. When the old man came, I was afraid that she would be bored by herself at first, so I also gave her a session in the morning. At this time, my son would come over and try to adjust the channel. I asked him to play with himself or study for a while, but the old man said that I was too strict and that it was okay to watch TV. And secretly played it to him. Later I restated the rules and the TV would only be turned on in the afternoon. Some mothers say that setting too many rules for their children will make them timid? Some mothers also quoted some expert opinions, such as saying that children should release their nature and allow them to develop unfettered. However, children are born to obey the rules. What we parents have to do is to maintain it and guide it. In the book The Secret of Childhood, we reveal to us children\’s strong sense of order. From birth to over 2 years old, a child is most sensitive to order, because he needs an orderly environment to help him understand things and become familiar with the environment. Once the familiar environment disappears, he will be at a loss. And it continues to develop at the age of 3-5. If parents are aware of the arrival of this sensitive period, they can often cultivate an inner psychological foundation for establishing a sense of rules. Instead of relying on your own strict control and discipline. To set rules with your children, you need to respect them. Because those children who are severely disciplined by their parents often change their behavior when their parents are not around. What they fear is the temporary majesty of their parents, not their inner self-consciousness. When a child has inner self-awareness, it will increase the child\’s sense of security. For young children, order is a need for life, just like breathing requires air. When it is satisfied, it produces a natural happiness, which means that a person is aware of all the details in his own environment. Can control all aspects. Parents must first establish this concept for themselves – setting rules for their children is not to restrict their children\’s actions. Because for children, rules mean safety, not restraint. Everyone has their own boundaries in life. If you need a safe and free boundary, you need something to protect this boundary. These are rules. If you follow them, you protect others\’ boundaries. Many parents who care about their children\’s psychological growth attach great importance to one word – \”security\”. The construction of a sense of security comes from parents\’ affirmation and perception of self-boundaries, not from your doting and pampering. In children\’s actual interactions, with a sense of rules, children will know: I won\’t disturb you, and you won\’t disturb me casually. I know I am safe because the people around me will abide by the rules, won’t bully me, won’t bother me, and won’t dislike me for no reason. Moreover, children know that they follow the rules and will be respected and welcomed. And many children who have no rules are very easy to make mistakes and become the most unpopular in a group.That person was pointed out by others. To cultivate children\’s sense of rules, parents play the role of role models. Parents should establish correct values, and through their own influence and rules, teach by words and deeds, use correct values ​​to influence their children and promote their healthy growth. The three main rules I have set for my son are to share with you what you can do well and find ways to complete. You must read and study every day (mainly parent-child reading and some exercises). Go to the small shop to buy snacks. You can buy one thing at a time. , you can also not buy it. In actual operation, one key is that parents should take good care of themselves and persevere.

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