• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Comparison psychology compromises the happiness that originally belongs to children

Picture: Cousin Miao Miao, the daughter of Stars on Earth, is in fifth grade. Her grades are particularly good and she ranks first in the class almost every time. He is also very competitive, just like his cousin when he was a child. On November 1, my cousin brought her daughter to my house to play. After half a year, Miaomiao has grown into a tall and graceful girl. Between the eyebrows and eyes, there is an air of youth that cannot be concealed, and I can\’t help but sigh: It\’s so good to be young! My cousin’s family situation is good. Her husband is a senior executive of a state-owned enterprise and her cousin works in a hospital. Miaomiao is an only daughter. Both husband and wife are highly educated, and their economic conditions are not as good as those of the first couple, but more than adequate than that of the second couple. My daughter looks good and has good grades. Such a family is said to be God\’s favorite. However, when we met this time, I always felt that Miao Miao had a bit more gloomy temperament. Compared with the cheerful, heartless girl before, she was more mature and calm. I told my cousin that Miaomiao has grown up. My cousin curled her lips and said, \”I\’m being cautious. I got second place in the midterm exam this time and I was unhappy for a long time.\” I said, second place is also very good. If every exam is just to compete for the first place, it will be very tiring and not interesting. The joy of learning should be in the process of learning. If learning is for the purpose of comparing with others and defeating others, happiness will not last long. My cousin said that it was also my fault that she had been strict with her since she was a child and required her to be the first in the exam. My children also strive for success and occasionally take second place in exams. Needless to say, they feel uncomfortable and punish themselves by not going out to play or watching movies. I never thought there was anything wrong with this before. This time she took second place in the exam. Seeing how uncomfortable she was, I felt something was wrong. After all, there is always someone better than you. Olson Madden said that the seven deadly sins that affect happiness are: love of comparison, wavering beliefs, ignoring the good things around you, only wanting to gain without giving, not being satisfied, lacking trust, and prone to anxiety. Comparison has compromised the happiness that originally belonged to us. I finally took out a loan and bought a Ford. I was about to drive out to catch some wind when a Mercedes-Benz drove towards me. Huh? Isn\’t the guy holding the steering wheel the guy next door, Lao Wang? Changed car? There is no justice! I heard that he just bought another apartment recently! Although you already own a house and a car, even though your initial ideal is to be satisfied with a home in this city. You bought a new Prada bag and went to work happily. The halo of the bag lingered around you, and you were looking forward to the envious eyes of your colleagues. Unexpectedly, before entering the office door, I heard a group of women cheering, wow, Gucci! It turns out that Xiaomi’s husband just returned from a business trip abroad and gave her a Gucci bag. Poor, your halo was swallowed up by Xiaomi\’s halo before it could shine. What can bring satisfaction is not how much you have, but how much more you have than others. What brings pain is not how much you have, but how much less you have than others. Why isn’t the satisfaction gained from comparison easy to last? Because there is always someone better than you. Roy Martiner calls this kind of comparison competitive happiness, that is, I must be better than you in order to be happy, otherwise it will be very painful. He cites a fable to illustrate competitive happiness. Two businessmen opened stores next to each other with similar business scope. Their only happiness was comparingBe stronger. One day, an angel came to a businessman and said, make a wish to me, and any wish you have will come true, but your opponent will get twice as much as you. The businessman was depressed at first, but suddenly he became happy and said to the angel, please blind me in one eye. It was great that Miaomiao got second place in the exam, and she should be happy, but there was a \”first\” in front of her. Buying a Ford was originally a happy thing – after all, I officially entered the \”car ownership group\”, and I no longer had to worry about wind or rain when picking up my children. However, Lao Wang next door bought a Mercedes-Benz. From a 200-yuan anonymous crossbody bag to Prada, I thought I was \”classy\”, but who would have thought that my colleague Xiaomi, who was not as good-looking and temperamental as me, actually went to Gucci because she married a rich husband. See, this is how people hurt themselves by comparing themselves with people who are \”better than themselves\”. They also say it euphemistically: without competition, there will be no progress. This kind of progress relying on the external evaluation system is indeed a kind of progress. However, it is also a kind of torture for the parties involved. If your happiness is based on \”being better than others\”, once someone is \”better than you\”, happiness will turn into pain. Every parent wants their children to be happy, but they unconsciously use other people\’s children to hurt their own children. For example, if a child gets a score of 90 on the math test, as soon as he gets home, he happily shakes the test paper in front of his parents and says, Mom and Dad, look, I got a score of 90 on the math test. Mom and Dad curled their lips, and the teacher sent a message, saying that there are 10 students in your class who scored 100 points on the test. You scored 90 points in the test, but you didn\’t even get an average score. How can you be so happy? Then, the child put away his happy tail, looked gloomy, and tried to get 100 points next time. Of course, this is a social phenomenon. If parents do not compare themselves, schools will also be ranked. As parents, all we can do is prevent our children from being harmed in the rankings. It would be best if the child doesn\’t care about ranking and just tries his best. If children value ranking too much, parents should guide their children to focus on themselves and compare vertically rather than horizontally. Being motivated only when you are under pressure is the biggest lie. How many good students have been destroyed by pressure? Just ask a psychiatrist to find out. The real motivation should come from dreams and pursuits, not rankings and comparisons. The happiness and achievements brought by dreams and pursuits are long-term, the pleasure brought by ranking and comparison is temporary, but the pain is long-lasting. There are people outside the world, and there is a God outside the world, dear classmates. I think back then, my grades were pretty good, and the grades of my classmates were on par with mine. Every time she does better than me, I feel miserable; if she does worse than me, I feel happy. So sometimes I am manic and sometimes depressed, it is simply bipolar disorder. Now that I think about it, why bother? Everyone has their own life and their own happiness. Why must they be better than others? Ah, ah, ah? Life is so beautiful, there is no time to compare.

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