• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

\”Dad, is money really more important than me?\” I saw countless people crying…

I was heartbroken by two children today. My tears were not low, but looking at what the children said, I shed tears over and over again. In \”Youth Talk\”, Ouyang Shuangrong, a second-grade girl, wants her parents to spend her birthday with her. She said: \”In my impression, my parents have never celebrated my birthday with me. When I see other children having their parents celebrate their birthdays, I feel very sad.\” She asked and answered herself: Mom and Dad, will you come back? You won\’t come back! Looking at her lost and hurt eyes, I couldn\’t help but burst into tears. Ye Xinyu from Class 1709 has rarely cared about her feelings since her parents opened a supermarket. As soon as she said, \”You are all focused on work,\” she started to cry. In the child\’s cry, I heard her grievance: How many times can I see you in a month? At this parent-teacher meeting, the parents of other children are here, but you are not here because of work. Can you care more about me? Is making money really that important? Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard, said: \”Ten years later, you will not regret that you did one less project, but you will regret that you did not spend an extra hour with your child.\” Children grow up, just like flowers blooming, every day. Each flower has its own flowering period, and this flowering period is irreversible. No matter how good the environment is for a child, without companionship, the child\’s heart will be like a \”lonely city.\” There is a family in our community. The couple has been working hard in Guangzhou for several years. They took their savings and returned to Nanchang and quickly established their own company. However, before they decided to have a child, they unexpectedly discovered that their wife was unexpectedly pregnant. At this critical moment, in order not to affect the company\’s operations, the family discussed and decided to keep the child and leave the responsibility of taking care of the child to both parents. After the child was born, the couple devoted their attention to running the company, and the children were taken care of by their grandparents and grandparents in turn. But they are willing to spend money on their children\’s education. Starting from the age of 2, they attend Montessori enlightenment classes, English enlightenment classes, and Chinese studies classes. Over the course of a year, they spend tens of thousands. Picture source: \”Going to See You Now\” Every time they go home to see their child, they feel that the child is very well-behaved, unlike other children who insist on clamoring for mom and dad. Last year, their children were promoted to primary school, and they planned to send their children to a private primary school. However, during the interview, the teacher refused because the child had social difficulties. The teacher\’s words were like a bolt from the blue. They always thought that providing their children with a good educational atmosphere was enough, but they never thought that neglecting their children\’s company would have such a big impact. In the process of raising children, many parents often fall into the dead end of \”money is greater than companionship\”. They think that only by making more money can they provide good educational resources for their children and spend expensive tuition fees to send their children to the best schools. \’s school. But the reality of children\’s growth reminds us: it is better to be willing to spend time for children than to be willing to spend money on them. For children, the latter is much more important. Money can be made at any time, but the growth of our children will not wait for us. Psychologist Bowlby once proposed a famous attachment theory about \”how early attachment to parents shapes interpersonal relationships for the rest of life.\” In other words, parentsProper companionship will affect a child\’s life to some extent. Bowlby noticed that babies are born with extremely limited survival skills, and it takes many years for babies to gain some self-care and independence. Babies need to ensure their survival by forming a close attachment to their parents. Especially in children\’s early development, children rely on the sense of security provided by their parents to explore the environment and learn. The sense of security that can help children build confidence mainly comes from parents responding to their children\’s constant changes in a timely and effective manner. Some psychologists point out that if a child is separated from his parents (especially the mother) for a significant period of time between the ages of 0 and 7, the child will suffer from the so-called \”parent-child interruption\” trauma. Such children are often introverted, emotionally fragile, closed-minded, and have difficulty establishing trusting relationships with other people, even close partners, when they grow up. The focus of companionship is not \”accompanying\” but \”companioning.\” Yesterday I took the children to the amusement park to play. There was a boy about 4 years old running around among the amusement facilities. As he ran, he shouted: \”Dad, look at me.\” Yeah, look at me!\” Dad was sitting on a chair on the sidelines, legs crossed, completely obsessed with his mobile phone. The boy thought his father didn\’t hear him, so he ran to his father and shouted, \”Dad, look at me, watch me play!\” As a result, his father looked up and became impatient: I just stay with you, can you play with yourself? In fact, when parents sit next to their children and watch their children play toys and games, or watch TV with their children, it is not considered companionship because there is no interaction and communication. Real companionship is completing something with your children. Play games together, build blocks together, draw together, do crafts together, and when encountering small difficulties, find solutions together. Picture source: \”The Pursuit of Happiness\” Even if they are not around, the children cannot be \”lack of love\”. Due to their livelihood, the cousin and sister-in-law cannot be with the children for a long time, and the family of three is \”separated\” in three places. My cousin is far away in the Northeast, my sister-in-law works in Chengdu, and my child is 3 years old and lives with my grandma in my hometown. My sister-in-law occasionally complains to me, \”It really doesn\’t feel like a family now!\” But fortunately, the children are happy. This is all thanks to their unique companionship. My cousin will video chat with the child at 8:30 every night, tell him stories, and put him to sleep remotely. Picture source: \”A Different Dad\” My sister-in-law goes home once a week to chat with her children about her feelings and prepare delicious meals. When he leaves, he will kiss him and tell him that when he misses his mother, he will draw a picture, \”Baby, when you draw 5 pictures, mother will come back.\” They will write their love in a diary, and when the child says that he misses him, he will read it. Listen to your children. The full sense of ceremony also brings great happiness to the children. My cousin said that sometimes I think about crying when I think about my child, but hearing the child’s tender voice every day and knowing that he is happy makes it worth it. My child, I\’m sorry that your parents can\’t be with you all the time because of work. If I pick up the bricks, I can\’t hold you. If I put the bricks down, I can\’t support you. Please forgive us. Maybe, when the children grow up, they will understand. Picture source: \”The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel\” You can be late, but you can\’t be absent. Remember the heart-wrenching answer from Huang Shengyi\’s son Andy in \”Superman 3\”: Mom and Dad are normalDo you feel lonely because I am busy at work and can’t accompany you? Not alone. I am used to it. It\’s so sad. Huang Shengyi said \”I\’m sorry\” to him guiltily, and decided to re-enter his son\’s life and his heart bit by bit. She wanted to spend more time alone with her son and get to know each other better. For her son, she started many firsts in her life. I lit a fire to cook for the first time and made my son’s favorite boiled eggs and tomato egg soup. It was my first time to do farm work. Wearing muddy gloves, I pulled radishes with my son. She also fawned over and over again to pick up vegetables for her son and ate strawberries that her son had taken a bite of. Time and again, she coquettishly asked her son: \”Does the food I cook taste good?\” \”Do you love me?\” When picking strawberries, she and her son even competed with each other to see who could pick the bigger strawberries. Frequent communication and communication with children will make them feel \”needed\” and approach their mothers on the basis of being needed and respected. At the end of the show, Andy has undergone earth-shaking changes. He can hug his mother and act coquettishly with her, call her \”little fool\” affectionately, and say loudly \”I love my mother very much\”. His words are full of intimacy and love for his mother. Companionship opened Andy\’s heart and he was willing to let his mother into his life. When parents approach their children little by little, the children will see it seriously and remember it in their hearts. Accompanying is not limited to the length of time or the method. The most important thing is to let the children feel the love of their parents. The love of parents is the paradise for children. British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Professor Luo Pike said: \”Parenting means parents grow up with their children. Because no one understands the needs of their children better than their parents during their infancy, early childhood, and childhood.\” Children surrender to their parents. Come on, in the hearts of children, parents are the world. The difficult problem of making money to support a family and spending time with children should not be solved by children. The more parents do, the more love their children will receive.

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