• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

Falling in love early is not terrible, falling in love not early is terrible!

In the past two days, Mina was very distressed. My daughter, who had just entered the second grade, came and said that she liked the study committee member of the class. What was even worse was that the study committee member also made it clear that she had a crush on Mina\’s daughter. Mina\’s husband couldn\’t stand it after hearing the news. In order to successfully stifle the signs of puppy love in her children, she went to school to supervise her daughter in person. She also said bad things about boys from time to time and warned her daughter to focus on her studies and meet a better Barabala in the future. However, the children didn\’t seem to appreciate it. Instead, they felt that their father was too nosy. \”His academic performance is better than mine, and he can teach me math. Besides, I have a boyfriend, so it\’s not like I don\’t love my dad anymore. Why is dad making such a fuss?\” Hearing Mina\’s story, I burst out laughing. out. In front of his eyes, a patient and gentle father emerged, reasoning with his children in a serious manner. But the child was unwilling to listen. Puppy love is not that bad. As a Chinese parent, it is normal to worry about your children\’s premature love. After all, we all grew up under the intimidation and control of the previous generation, and we are nostalgic and fearful of the ignorant feelings of adolescence. When we were in elementary school, our parents told us: \”You should study hard and don\’t fall in love.\” When we were in junior high school, the head teacher told us: \”Puppy love will affect academic performance. Look, so and so, so and so, their academic performance has declined because of falling in love.\” .\” When I entered high school, there was a couple in the class. In order to break them up, the class teacher, grade director, and principal took turns talking to them. They petitioned their parents every weekend, claiming that \”if they don\’t break up, they will have to drop out of school.\” The message we have received since childhood is: \”As long as you fall in love before the age of 18, it means that you are a bad boy who does not listen to discipline. You will do some indescribable and disgusting things, and your academic performance will definitely decline.\” If it gets worse, you will… \”But is puppy love really that bad? I don\’t think so. Those who did not fall in love as children may encounter more problems when they grow up. The \”puppy love\” of primary school students is not real \”love\”. Freud once said that the two most primitive drives of human beings are sexual drive and aggressive drive. When teenagers are sexually awakened, it means that a beautiful childhood is about to begin. Gone. However, children in second and third grade are still a few years away from their sexual awakening. Therefore, when we see primary school students say they want to fall in love, it is really just the child\’s appreciation of the opposite sex, and the child just regards the opposite sex classmates as good friends. However, in this good impression, there will be a little curiosity about the opposite sex. When my friend Xiao Mo\’s daughter Li Li was in second grade, she received a small note from her classmate: \”I love you, let\’s have sex!\” Because of this, Xiao Mo almost went to the boy\’s house. . I stopped Xiao Mo and asked Xiao Mo how the relationship between that boy and Li Li was. Xiao Mo told me that they were classmates in kindergarten and elementary school, and they usually have a very good relationship. The boy did not go to the class when he arrived at the school gate. He must wait until Li Li entered the class hand in hand with her. If there is anything delicious at home, the boy will bring a portion to school for Li Li. If it weren\’t for the word \”make love\” on the note, Xiao Mo would be extremely happy that Li Li has such a good friend. I asked againLi Li, how did Xiao Mo educate her. Li Li said, \”My mother scolded me very harshly. She said where did I learn to be so bad? She was not allowed to interact with him anymore, and she would beat me to death if we interacted with him again.\” However, Li Li was very curious: \”Why is it not necessary to have sex?\” Okay, but mom and dad have to be together. Why is it bad for us kids to have sex?\” I quietly asked Li Li, \”Do you know what sex is?\” Li Li was very shy and didn\’t speak. Through guidance, Li Li told me, \”Having sex is when mom and dad press their bare butts together and they fight. It\’s very exciting.\” Li Li\’s words made me laugh. Li Li asked me why I was laughing, and I said, \”Having sex.\” It\’s not two people having a bare butt fight, it\’s two adults wanting to be parents. Do you two want to be parents now?\” Li Li shook his head. I said, \”When you grow up, have the ability to take care of your own children, have a boyfriend, get married, and become parents, you will naturally have sex. Now, you and your little boyfriend are just good friends. , when he grows up and has the ability to take care of you, and you have the ability to take care of him, then you can truly establish a romantic relationship.\” Li Li tilted his head and said, \”Should we wait until we both grow up and get married? When you are a parent, you will naturally have sex. When we have sex, mom will not bother us?\” I touched Li Li\’s head, \”How smart.\” It didn\’t take long for Li Li to \”like\” another boy. , this \”puppy love\” ended in vain. You see, children\’s love is so simple, it comes and goes quickly, even if they discuss \”sex\”, which is regarded as a scourge by parents. The love that children talk about is really just pure love. This kind of love is deeper than the love for dolls, but it is far from the level of love between normal lovers. I have always felt that it was a pity that middle school was a good time for \”falling in love\”. Loving others is the beginning of self-growth, but it cannot be accommodated in current education. In \”A Dream of Red Mansions\”, Lin Daiyu was only eleven or twelve years old when she met Jia Baoyu. In \”Romeo and Juliet\”, Juliet and Romeo were only thirteen or fourteen years old when they fell in love with each other. In their teens, children of ancient times fell in love. Why can today\’s children only read books but are not allowed to fall in love? If handled properly, love has little impact on learning, but has a great impact on a child\’s future growth. Adolescence is the transition period from childhood to adulthood. During this period, the most important issue for children is to achieve the development of self-identity. After being educated by parents and elders for many years, growing children try to integrate all aspects related to themselves to form a self-determined, coordinated, and different from others. He had to face the ultimate questions in life: \”Who am I?\” \”Who do I like?\” \”What kind of life do I want and what kind of work do I want to do?\” These questions are a relatively clear manifestation of the child\’s own needs, emotions, abilities, goals, values, etc. If the child cannot answer these questions well, it means that the child cannot correctly understand himself, his responsibilities, and his role. When a child encounters the problem of identity, it is difficult for him to choose a suitable role in life.It is likely to show: excessive expectations of society and hope that society can exist according to one\’s own wishes; being unable to accept the constraints of normal social norms and acting wantonly; being intolerant of certain existing social phenomena and taking some extreme measures to resist or Total escape. Such teenagers are very ideologically extreme and are likely to develop interpersonal barriers, truancy, aggression, misanthropy and other behaviors. And if you want to better complete the task of self-identity, you just need the help of love. Falling in love is the process of attracting a stranger with your own characteristics and then letting the stranger enter your life. This person is like a human \”mirror\” around the child. When a child falls in love, he will see in this mirror the differences between his own personality and ideas and those of others. Children\’s love often begins amid noise. In the beginning, everyone was the \”little princess\” and \”little prince\” at home, always naively thinking \”I am right and you are wrong\” and \”you have to cooperate with me\”. But as we get along, the child will discover that there are so many differences between other people\’s ideas and mine. As a result, children will make compromises and adjustments. Through love, children gradually learn that it is normal for them to be different from others. We need to respect and support the differences of others, and vice versa. With the recognition and encouragement of others, children bravely show characteristics that are different from others. The child\’s self-identity thus develops and grows. And those children who have never been in love in adolescence often carry their adolescence regrets into adulthood. If you didn’t fall in love when you were a teenager, you probably still won’t be able to fall in love when you grow up. Because they are unable to determine their own position, they do not know how to get along with lovers correctly, and their lack of empathy leads to self-centeredness. Many people will go to one extreme, first imagining love as sacred and beautiful, and then after failure (it is destined to fail 100%), they go to the other extreme, thinking that love with the opposite sex is terrible, and then they are in a bad relationship and cannot get out of it. . Some people will also fall into a twisted state of mind that \”falling in love is actually not a good thing and will affect their studies/career.\” However, when I reached the age of 24 or 25, my parents, uncles and aunts began to force me to get married again, so before I met my soulmate, I gave in to daily necessities, causing the quality of the entire marriage to become very bad. Although this group of people are likely to have high IQs and excellent resumes, they dare not show love in interpersonal interactions in relationships, work, and social behaviors, and they do not have the courage to accept challenges in love. It won\’t be until one day that you realize that misfortune in love is actually related to self-growth. If my child falls in love, what will I do? Maybe some people will say, you applaud puppy love now, but will you really encourage your child to fall in love when they grow up? Aren’t you worried that puppy love will affect your children’s learning? I thought about it, maybe there are worries, but I believe that children will eventually be able to deal with love issues. I don’t want to bring the regrets we had while growing up to our children. After communicating with my boss about this issue, she told me this: “For children who grow up in healthy families, their basic emotional needs can be met in a timely and appropriate manner.Respond appropriately, so even if you are in love, you can handle the impact of love well and balance the relationship between love and study. For those children who abandon their studies or even run away from home because of love, their problems are not caused by early love, but problems in the parent-child relationship. Children\’s paranoia about love is more likely to compensate for the lack of security, intimacy and warmth in the existing family. \”Actually, the term \”puppy love\” is not accurate. There is no sooner or later in love. Love is a required course in life. Now that you are here, you should study hard. I think I would rather be a person who helps my daughter write when she finds out that she likes a boy. Mom delivering love letters and notes. What about you?

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