• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

How a mother controls her emotions and does not lose her temper is related to your child\’s life

I once watched \”Jasmine Blooms\” starring Zhang Ziyi. This movie tells the story of three generations, grandmother, mother, and myself, who have different attitudes towards love, marriage and children, but they show similar fates. At the end of the film, what my grandmother said before she died impressed me deeply: If I hadn\’t been pregnant with your mother, my life would have been so glorious. She felt that she should not have given birth to this child, but she was reluctant to abandon the child. It was her love-hate and nondescript emotions towards the child that made the child repeat the same fate as her when he grew up. At the end of this story, it made me feel ripples in my heart. It reminded me of my mother and me. My father and my mother have an unhappy marriage. They always quarrel and even fight over trivial matters in life. And my mother has to keep busy every day in order to survive. Probably this kind of life gave her too much pressure, which made her very grumpy and emotionally unstable. I remember when I was eight years old, I was playing with my neighbor’s friends. It was winter that year and it was very cold, so we brought matches from home and tried to find a pile of firewood to keep warm. It was probably because we were too close to the firewood pile, and because of the wind, the whole place next to it became like a big hill. The same firewood pile was lit, and the flames spread out and turned half of the sky red. My friends and I were so frightened that we hid. I could only hear the people around me hurriedly carrying buckets of water and shouting to put out the fire. Finally, my mother caught me out and gave me a severe beating. While beating her, she complained: \”It wasn\’t because of you that I had divorced your father a long time ago. You are still so disobedient. If you continue to disobey me, I won\’t let you go!\” At that time, she no longer felt the pain of being beaten, but the pain of the beating. The feeling of being abandoned soon is unpleasant. Later, the owner of the house that caught fire demanded compensation because of the heavy losses. My mother, who was not a wealthy family, was furious at the extra expense. Maybe my mother said that to me more than once, but suddenly at the age of ten, I understood the meaning behind the words. Then I suddenly realized that the reason she never liked me was because I was a burden. The day after the fire, the school had to pay one hundred yuan in tuition and fees. One hundred yuan was not a small amount in those days, and the teacher had to pay it every few days. This angered my mother again, and she said angrily: \”I just paid someone money yesterday, and today I want money again. No money! You can think of a way on your own. Your second uncle\’s family owes our family a hundred yuan. You go and ask for it.\” Come on, go to school if you want to come back, or don’t go to school if you don’t come back!” Then that day, I stayed at the second uncle’s house for noon, and no one ignored me. In the end, they gave me half the money and sent me away. I took the fifty yuan and returned home anxiously. My mother looked at the fifty yuan she wanted back and scolded me again. She took out a crumpled piece of money from her pocket and threw it on the ground. I looked at the money on the ground and felt panicked. In my memory, my mother also had tender moments towards me. When she saw my report card, she would smile. I was greedy for that hard-won smile, so I studied hard. Therefore, I have never fallen out of the top three in the class. In addition, all the mothers I see have sad faces and complain about life all day long.The hardships it caused her. Therefore, I have always had a little sense of security in my studies. But I am not popular in class life either. Around the fourth grade of elementary school, there was a relatively strong girl in the class who always formed cliques. They liked to isolate me. Because of the cowardice in my character, they asked me to do things for them. If I didn\’t do it, I would have no playmates. I can only be like a popular person by fawning over them. In fact, I hated that kind of me, so I was unhappy throughout my school days. Until I became an adult, I would always be nervous when dealing with people. I would always try to probe into the other person\’s heart. Am I causing trouble to others? Will they dislike me because of this? Later, I realized that this was the influence my mother had on me during my childhood. In fact, a woman\’s good attitude comes from her satisfaction with life. This kind of satisfaction will play a good role in the child\’s lifelong education. In today\’s society, most families have this phenomenon: even if women do not face marital relationship problems, as the pressure of life increases, women are assigned more and more roles. You may have to go to work, take care of three meals a day for the elderly and children, and worry about all the big and small things in life. It\’s better to have a husband by your side, but when you encounter a husband who has been separated for a long time or who often travels for business, when a woman is unable to deal with the pressure from all aspects, she will lose control of her emotions and even become angry, and her life will be like a dark cloud. , no sunshine. Then the mother will pass on such emotions to her growing child, just like my mother. Her negative emotions almost made me collapse. This is really a very scary monster. Just like a seedling needs fertile land, sufficient sunlight, moisture, and careful care in order to thrive! So for a child, this is even more true. Your daily negative emotions, negative language, and verbal violence have already made the land where your children grow up barren. Without sunlight, your children will be like big trees without roots, and they will not be able to bloom better when they grow up. result. And you haven\’t realized the seriousness of the problem yet, but you think that your child is born timid and hopeless, but you don\’t know that it was you who personally destroyed a shining star of the future. Many years later, I got married, started a family of my own, and then had children. When I faced the arrival of a new life, my heart was full of gratitude. I vowed that I would love this child with all my heart, and I would never love this child like my mother did to me. So I resigned from my job and concentrated on raising my children at home. I put all my attention on my children, and I was even paranoid that other people could not interfere with everything about my children. Finally, when my child was about three years old, I couldn\’t hold myself any longer and felt myself so nervous and anxious every day. In fact, the child cannot grow well at all under my anxiety. I often use the excuse that \”this is not good for the child\” to prevent the child from doing this or that. If he doesn\’t listen, I will be cold-blooded or force him to give in. In the end, the child will apologize to me, and when I see the pitiful look in his eyes, I feel sad in my heart.She blamed herself so much that she would kiss him or hug him again. He is often tortured by my \”schizophrenic\” emotions, and sometimes I even see a \”world-weary\” expression on his face. But next time he will have such a problem, and we will repeat the previous pattern of getting along with each other. Until now, whenever a child does something, he will ask his mother if it is okay, and then he will tell me by looking at my face. That timid look of trying to explore your heart really hurt me when it appeared in the eyes of a three-year-old child. I really couldn\’t control myself and lived like my mother. Just like a mother said, I have been beaten since childhood, so when I have a child, I will never spank the child. However, when the child reaches three or four years old, she also starts to spank the child. However, after spanking the child, , and she blamed herself. Isn\’t this the same as her mother, so she was confused. This in the end is why? So it can be seen that when she was raising her children, the things her parents imposed on her, whether it was kindness or abuse, and self-blame, were all repeated on her own children. If she doesn\’t have a mirror that can see her own heart, these painful pasts will be pulled out again and again until you fall into a black hole and let your emotions explode. Therefore, you must learn to control your emotions and block them to a certain extent. Yang Jin, a parent-child expert, family relationship expert, and senior psychologist, said: A child is the weakest in the entire biological chain of the family. He has no way to protect himself, and he has no way not to try to please his parents, because the parents’ face is the child’s sky. color. He especially hopes that his parents will speak kindly to him and even take a fancy to him, so he tries his best to please his parents. When we grow up with this mentality. In fact, no matter how old you are, you are still a child at heart, and you still have not forgotten the hurt you suffered when you were a child. Only when you step out again and leave the pain in the past can you look at it calmly. Whether it is your child crying or your child\’s words that irritate you, you will look at all these things happening very calmly. Only in this way can we deal with children\’s problems objectively. How to get over the hurt your mother or father has done to you? The reason why we repeat to our children that the indifference we received from our parents when we were children is because we, as \”victims\”, constantly blame our parents for their faults. After so many years, I may not have forgiven my mother for my inability to maintain a stable mood in front of my children. Only by getting out of this victim cage and reconciling with your parents can you truly feel happy. After all, not everyone is born to be a parent. With this mentality, if we look at the problem again, we may find that parents also have difficulties that they do not mean. Then we have to be responsible for ourselves, just like what is written in the book \”Live a New Self\”: We will internalize the voices of our parents and become our own inner critic. If you listen carefully, you will find that the voices criticizing ourselves are very similar to the voices of our father or mother criticizing us and instructing us. Even the tone and words are the same. Therefore we must cultivate the inner adult, which is the idealAs a parent, when the child in you comes out to cause trouble, the adult in you will come out to discipline you. Therefore there is harmony within. Mother\’s emotions and words are very important to the child. If the mother is happy, the child will also be infected by this atmosphere. Over time, the child will become optimistic and confident. On the contrary, the child will become a negative person and become very depressed when encountering difficulties. Therefore, we must break through this psychological barrier no matter what, so that our children can grow up healthily and happily.

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