• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

How can we give our children just the right amount of love so that deformed maternal love doesn’t happen again?

Mother\’s love always gets too much praise. How to be a proper mother is extremely important. The first thing to examine is the \”maternal love issue.\” Whether in the past or today, maternal love needs to be just right. The so-called just right means to achieve a balance between rationality and warmth. In fact, a person\’s first, best and lifelong teacher is his mother. The best quality of a mother is the \”sound calmness\” expressed by Montessori. Let\’s look at an example. British novelist Roald Dahl wrote in his autobiographies \”Boy\” and \”Walking Alone\” how his mother raised him to be a gentleman in a seemingly cold way. Dahl lost his father when he was young, and his mother was capable, strong, loving, able to protect him and let him fly, and provided just the right amount of love, never releasing excessive maternal love. Dahl did not want to go to university after high school – although Oxford and Cambridge were within his reach if he would. When he told his mother about his decision, all she said was, \”Okay.\” Was she disappointed by her son\’s decision? Distressed? No way of knowing. Dar was admitted to Shell Oil Company and six months later was sent to East Africa to sell oil for three years. It had always been Dahl\’s dream to go to faraway places like East Africa or China, and he immediately rushed home to tell his mother the news. Dahl wrote: \”I am her only son, and we are very close. Most mothers would be very sad when faced with this situation. Three years is a long time, and Africa is so far away that there can be no visits in between. . But my mother wouldn\’t allow herself to show even a hint of the emotion she must have felt at the time, so as not to spoil my happiness.\” \”Oh, you\’re wonderful!\” she cried. \”What good news. This is you. It’s a place you want to go, right?” The 20-year-old Dahl took a ship to British East Africa. After the outbreak of World War II, he joined the Royal Air Force and returned home due to injury. His \”Walking Alone\” describes in detail how he searched in vain for his mother\’s new address on a wet and dark night in Liverpool, and how he had his first phone call with his mother in more than three years in London. Even then, Dahl did not hear his mother cry. When he asked: \”Is it you, Mom?\” there was complete silence on the other end of the phone. Dar knew that it was his mother, and only a mother would try so hard to control her emotions. This is the way a British gentleman\’s mother loves her son deeply and never restricts his growth and development. This is just the right amount of maternal love. There are two stories about \”splitting the apple\” that are worthy of careful observation and comparison. Story 1: A person said that when he was a child, his mother bought some apples, and the two brothers wanted to eat the biggest one. My mother smiled and said, \”You come to compete. I will divide the lawn in front of the door into two pieces. Each of you will be responsible for mowing one piece. Whoever does it fastest and best will get it.\” As a result, he won. From this I understand a truth: if you want to get good, you must work hard to be first. That\’s fair, you have to pay for it as much as you want it. Story 2: A prisoner said that when he was a child, his mother brought several apples of different sizes. He took a fancy to the red and big one at a glance, and then his brother saidAfter hearing what he wanted to say, he was scolded by his mother: \”A good boy must learn to give good things to others and not always think about himself.\” After hearing what his mother said, he had an idea and changed his words: \”I want the youngest one. Leave the big one to your brother.\” As a result, he was rewarded by his mother and gave him the biggest apple. From then on, he learned to lie, and then began to use any means necessary. The same apples are divided, but the results are different. The mother of the former chose to let her child use his own hands to get what he wanted. The latter Chinese mother let her child use hypocritical performances in exchange for what he wanted. Mothers always encounter similar dilemmas, but they are actually good educational opportunities. However, if you are not sure, you will often miss the life of your children because of excessive or ignorant maternal love. Taking dividing apples as an example, how should mothers guide and handle things? A fair and wise mother can say this: \”My brother and my brother both want this big apple, and so does my mother, and each of us has the right to get the best. But now there is only one big apple.\” If someone gets the big apple alone, others will not get it. So what do you think we should do?\” Giving the problem to the children to explore is a humble and rational strategy. With children\’s intelligence and pragmatism, they will naturally come up with shared solutions such as fair play, splitting with a knife, taking turns and even drawing lots to decide. In this way, they learn from an early age to get along fairly in competition and cooperation and to use pragmatic wisdom to handle the reasonable distribution of interests. If the mother uses an authoritarian approach, she will simultaneously plant hypocrisy and partiality, jealousy and resentment in the hearts of her children. This article does not intend to say that the education of children is only the responsibility of mothers, but it cannot but be pointed out that there are some eternal things in human beings that cannot transcend nature. Montessori pointed out: There are two levels of psychological analysis of children: one level is the conflict between the child\’s personal innate instincts and the environmental conditions he must adapt to, because these environmental conditions often conflict with his basic desires; the other level is the conflict between the child\’s personal innate instincts and the environmental conditions he must adapt to, because these environmental conditions often conflict with his basic desires; One level that needs to be explored is the depth of childhood memory, and at this level is the conflict between a child and his mother, and more generally between a child and an adult. She particularly emphasized the \”conflict between a child and his mother\”. Therefore, for women, it is their bounden duty to be a proper \”educational mother\”. Stephen Glenn, a scientist who has made significant contributions to the world\’s medical field in the past ten years, was interviewed by a reporter and asked: What gives you the creativity that ordinary people cannot match? Stephen Glenn mentioned an experience when he was a child. One day, he tried to take out a bottle of milk from the refrigerator. After taking out a few steps, he accidentally broke the milk bottle and smashed it to the ground. His mother heard the news and came, but she didn\’t get angry, preach, or punish him. Instead, he said: \”Anyway, it has been spilled on the ground. Do you want to play with it for a while before cleaning it up? I think it might be fun to play with milk.\” He really started playing with milk. A few minutes later, my mother said, \”You spilled the milk, and you should clean it up.\”. I have a sponge, rag and mop here. What do you want to use? \”He chose the sponge. Then, the mother said: \”You couldn\’t hold the milk bottle just now, which means you haven\’t learned how to hold a big milk bottle. Now, let\’s go out into the yard, fill the bottle with water, and see if you can find a good way to keep the bottle from falling to the ground. \”Through repeated practice, he knew that if he held the bottle mouth with both hands, the bottle would not fall during transportation. This experience gave him a very deep memory. Later he recalled that it was from that time From then on, he understood that there was no need to be afraid of making mistakes. Mistakes are often the beginning of learning new knowledge. Freud said: \”Childhood experience affects a person\’s life. \”And your experience first comes from your mother. A good mother\’s love is to use the most beneficial and far-reaching experience to influence your life. This is the \”just right\” wisdom. A good mother will have enough Noble generosity and tolerant patience, and stay away from impatience, acrimony, calculation and condescension. 10 classic family education books recommended. In addition to tolerance and love, good mothers also need \”rational calmness\”, that is, the right attitude, without moving. Guide through sound and color. First of all, do not let what has happened become a \”problem incident\” that is strongly investigated. Carefully protect the child\’s self-esteem, and cultivate the child\’s rational calmness to liberate him from difficulties and blows. \”Just right\” means just right. love and education, and finally inadvertently give the child a sense of accomplishment in solving difficult problems. How noble a mother must be to cultivate this! Now, a new phenomenon is testing mothers: when your children grow up, what should you do? How to handle a mutually independent and free relationship? If a mother cannot be independent, her children certainly cannot be independent. This situation is called failure to achieve \”role exit\” in psychology. That is, a woman has played the \”mother role\” of caring for her children meticulously for a long time. , when the children grow up, the mother still refuses to quit this role, then her children must also belong to the role that will not grow up. In turn, she will be completely dependent on her children, and even become ignorant, unreasonable and very incompetent , and even roguely continues to interfere and interfere in the lives of her children with the belief that \”I am your mother\”. At the same time, if her children have been dependent on her, once she finds that the mother she relies on has also become a mother who cannot be relied on and must If you rely on your own children, then the life of the two families will be extremely torturous. These excessive maternal love will interfere with people\’s psychological character and lose the meaning of letting themselves and their children live independently and freely. \”The spring dries up, and the fish phase is on the land, It is better to forget each other in the rivers and lakes than to let each other get wet and wet each other. \”It seems ruthless, but in fact it is wise. Cooperation brings two harms, and independence brings beauty. This is called \”appropriate\”. Family is the core of Chinese culture, and all human relations culture builds up the Chinese cultural model layer by layer around the center of the family. If To have a fundamental break, especially to create a new generation of independent citizens, family relationships must be properly adjusted. Today, family culture is undergoing fundamental changes. Care and letting go are just the right tension.

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