Many children are looking forward to growing up, because \”children only need to wait a while, and adults of course need to grow up right away.\” Human cubs reach out to the world with unabashed desire: \”I want this! I want it now!\” If they are not satisfied, they start to cry. How to Improve Emotional Intelligence Education Piglet and Elephant Picture Book Elephant and Piggie, 25 volumes in PDF + click-to-read package + video + audio. At this time, are you starting to worry that if you compromise, your children will be extravagant, lawless, and out of control? At this time, the four words \”delayed gratification\” came into being. However, this is regarded as a \”magic weapon\” for training children\’s self-control. Do you really know how to use it? \”Delayed Gratification\” and the \”Marshmallow\” Experiment When it comes to \”delayed gratification\”, the first thing that many people think of is a famous experiment – the \”Marshmallow Experiment.\” This experiment is like this: There is a marshmallow in front of each child. The children can eat the marshmallow prepared in front of them immediately, but there is no reward; if they can wait until the researcher comes back to eat, they will get an extra marshmallow. Candy was given as a reward; if you couldn\’t wait any longer, you could ring a bell for the researcher to return and eat the candy again, but again without a reward. Eighteen years after the experiment ended, research followed up and found that children who were good at waiting had better academic performance and were more likely to succeed in their future career development. Based on the self-control ability demonstrated in this kind of waiting, the experiment proposed \”delayed gratification\”. This result has led many people to believe that when children have needs, they should appropriately \”delay gratification\” in an attempt to make children more self-controlled and far-sighted. In the process of dissemination, this experiment was also summed up in one sentence, that is – success comes from self-control. For a long time, this sentence, together with \”cry immunity\” and \”delayed gratification\”, has been used in many family upbringings to train children\’s emotional management and self-control. For example: Children who are only a few months old are trained to fall asleep on their own, not to be held when they cry, and only when they are not crying. If a child likes a toy, you cannot buy it immediately. When a child cries, you cannot hold him or ask questions immediately. You must first stay alone for a while to calm down. But, is this really the truth? In fact, this well-known marshmallow experiment is a simplified version that has been distorted through media propaganda and constant transformation. The real \”marshmallow experiment\” has many experiments and many stages, and is far more complicated than the circulated version. Let’s talk about the misunderstanding and truth of “delayed gratification” from three experiments. Misunderstandings and Truths about “Delayed Gratification” Is the ability to delay gratification really relevant to the future? After the professor finished the marshmallow experiment, a friend came to him and asked: \”My child always refuses to wait for more cookies. He has no ability to delay gratification. What will he do in the future?\” The professor asked: \”How old is the child? \”4 years old.\” \”Oh, that\’s okay.\” Why? Studies have found that most children under 4 years old can only wait 30 seconds. For a 4-year-old child, being unable to wait does not mean that \”the future is doomed.\” How do children have the ability to delay gratification? From nature? From a desire for prizes? Rewards and punishments derived from adults? neither! There are many variations on the \”marshmallow\” experiment: Sometimes researchers just tell children the basic setup and wait for a reward. Sometimes they tell the child that there are many toys in the room that you can play with while you wait. Sometimes they tell children that you can think of interesting things while you wait. The difference in results was very obvious. The children who received no advice only waited for 30 seconds. Children who had toys to play with waited an average of 8 minutes; children who thought about something interesting waited an average of 12 minutes. In other words, as parents, we need to teach them some waiting strategies instead of just watching and letting things go. This is the key. Giving control of delayed gratification to children Before each experiment, the researchers showed the children a number of prizes and asked them which one they liked best. The one the child likes will be the prize during the experiment. Is there any difference between this and the \”delayed gratification training parenting method\” that is now recommended? Of course! In the former, it is up to the child to decide what the prize is, whether to wait, and how long to wait. In the latter, what the prize is, what is good, what is bad, all standards are decided by the adults. The former enhances the child\’s \”sense of autonomy\”, but the latter deprives the child of the \”sense of autonomy\”, euphemistically calling the parent\’s will \”delayed gratification\” and imposing it on the child. Parents think crying is bad. So when a child cries, the parents won\’t hug or comfort them. But the child doesn’t know, why is it bad to cry? The disguised \”delayed gratification education method\” is a way for parents to use their strong position to \”bully\” their children. It is a manifestation of parents not respecting their children as independent individuals. To cultivate children\’s self-control, you can do this to give children enough opportunities for autonomy. In the life of a child before the age of 3, if he has enough opportunities to learn autonomy and his emotions can be reasonably and adequately responded to, his self-control ability will improve. stronger. Parents\’ emotional satisfaction with their children is the key to the development of self-control. Timely emotional response and satisfaction are the key to the development of self-control. In the final analysis, self-control is the ability to control your own desires and emotions. Children do not have the ability to control their emotions when they are very young. Therefore, parents’ timely response and patient companionship during this process can help them learn self-control and be able to accept and acknowledge their emotions. These have done a good job in controlling their emotions. Important foreshadowing. No one’s needs can be met 100%, and the same goes for children. There are many stages in a child’s growth. Before the age of 3, parents can try to give their children a positive response. Even if they refuse the child’s request, they should try to respect the child. This is A critical period when they learn to recognize their emotions and calm themselves down. If enough foundation is laid for children at this stage, it will not be so difficult to appropriately restrict some inappropriate behaviors when children are 5 to 6 years old. If you feel that your child\’s behavior has affected others or may harm himself, you can ask him to stop. Your child may cry a lot at this time, which is normal. You just need to stay by your side and wait for him to calm down. There is no need to feel guilty about this. Don’t deliberately test whether your child hasThe \”Research on Delayed Gratification\” team changed the traditional marshmallow experiment into two steps: classic book recommendation The main content of Love Education pdf + audio tells the children in the first step that if they wait, they will get \”better crayons\”, and the second The second step follows the traditional marshmallow experiment. The experimenter divided the children into two groups. Group A was led by \”trustworthy adults\” and fulfilled their promise in the first step; while children in group B were led by \”untrustworthy adults\”. Regardless of whether the children persisted to the end or not, Neither will be rewarded. As a result, in the second step of the experiment, the average time for children in group A to delay gratification reached 12 minutes, while that of group B was only 3 minutes. The results are predictable. Deliberate training undermines children\’s trust in the world and their ability to control themselves. Parents\’ trustworthiness is also the key to children\’s ability to develop self-control. Only when your home is warm can you resist the cold outside. In fact, love is the best \”delayed gratification\” education.