• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

How much trouble has your urging caused to the child?

Picture: The gray-eyed boy’s family went hiking on the weekend. My son slept late the day before and got up early because he was climbing a mountain. He screamed and got up quickly. The speed of dressing and eating is twice as fast as when I go to school on weekdays. I endured it for a long time and finally did not say anything like, It would be better if you go to school so soon. After breakfast, he packed his satchel and said, Mom and Dad, I will wait for you downstairs. It doesn\’t matter how long it takes. Don\’t be impatient. He closed the door and heard the sound of stomping downstairs. The child\’s father glanced at me and said, \”Look, we usually push the child all the time.\” He told us in his own way that he actually hoped that we could wait patiently for him. Think about it, we always say, get up quickly and give you ten minutes. Hurry up and eat. I\’ll wait for you downstairs in five minutes. I remember a story about a little boy sweating profusely on the track. Mom said, run a little faster, a little faster. He asked, Mom, where are you going so fast? Yes, get up faster, eat faster, and do homework faster. Drive faster, do things faster, climb mountains faster. Since the end of life is not unknown. Since the destination of life is exactly the same. So, we do everything quickly, where are we going? There is this passage in Long Yingtai\’s \”Watching Off\”: We are trying our best to learn how to sprint a hundred meters successfully, but no one teaches us how to fall with dignity when you fall; when your knees are broken and bloody, How to clean wounds and bandage them; when you are in unbearable pain, what kind of expression should you use to face others; when you fall headlong, how to treat the bleeding pain in your heart, how to obtain deep peace of mind; your heart is broken like glass How to clean up when there is one place? Whether it is repairing physical wounds or spiritual rifts, it requires a process. Once this process is concentrated, it is likely to accumulate into sores that will not heal for a long time. But, dear, you still have to hurry up. Social rules tell us that falling behind means getting beaten. But, my dear, I still want you to slow down. As you fly down the slide, may time stand still and years stay. Three-year-old Keli took a dirty pajamas to be washed. The bathrobe belt on her body had come loose and was trailing on the floor. She asked her mother to help her put on her pajamas. Mom said, put it down quickly, it hasn’t been washed yet. Keli said, I can\’t see where it\’s dirty. As he said that, he put the clothes into his mother\’s hand, stretched out his arms, and waited for her mother to put them on. Mom is angry, Corrie, these clothes are too dirty! The clothes I wore overnight had a strong smell of sweat. Besides, how can anyone walk around the house in pajamas during the day? Put it on for me! What\’s the smell? Keli didn\’t believe it and persisted. My mother\’s stubborn temper was finally aroused, and I said no, I won\’t! Suddenly, Corrie\’s whole body was shaking, as if a huge electric current was passing through her body, and she hit her head desperately. As mothers, we are familiar with this scene. It doesn’t have to be a bathrobe, it could be a scarf in summer, a skirt in winter, an umbrella on sunny days, or sneakers on rainy days. We hope that our children will grow up quickly and do the “right” things according to our requirements. On the day Corrie was born, her friends were extremely impressed and said that her hands were the fingers of a natural pianist. \”One day, her musicIt will move the whole world to tears. \”Or write a masterpiece as famous as \”Gone with the Wind\”, surpassing my mother.\” \”My mother said. However, due to an accident, Keli left her mother and home forever. I wonder if there is a piano and \”Gone with the Wind\” in heaven. That child who had no regard for worldly affairs and did not play by the rules once told her mother \” The child who \”wanted to find a hole in the ground to crawl into\” was gone forever. Even \”too late to say goodbye\”. She left so fast. When you race with hundreds of millions of brothers, you finally leave them behind in another world, squeezed in You are in this world. You may not have thought about why you are running so fast. Maybe you have not thought about the end point you will run to and the kind of parents you will meet. However, you were caught off guard. You are still here. You are full of joy and never dislike it. Although this home is not as luxurious as other people\’s homes, and your parents are not as energetic as other people\’s parents. But what you want is nothing more than the wholehearted warmth of your parents. and love. All you can do is to give parents a process and opportunity to give love and learn to love. Winnicott said that every child is a natural psychotherapist for his parents. Unfortunately, many parents miss it The best time for treatment. Maybe due to the influence of their own families, their parents’ thinking is too rigid and fixed. Maybe because they lack love since childhood, their parents’ ideas are too simple and poor. Maybe because they grew up too unsatisfactory, their parents’ psychology is too There are so many grievances and resentments. Perhaps due to the pressure of survival, parents’ time and energy are spent on making a living. The relationship between children and parents is not a matter of choice. If you can choose, I believe that every child is willing to choose a temperament Parents who are gentle, have the ability to love, and have more social resources. If they could choose, I believe that every parent would choose a child who is well-behaved, smart, good-looking, good-looking, and grateful. But this is not a multiple-choice question. Children inherit genes from their parents and mutate some of them. They inherit their parents’ personalities and change some of them. Perhaps it is fate that is more appropriate. Because of fate, we become mother and daughter, mother and son, father and daughter, or father and son. When we meet There are no perfect parents or perfect children. I only hope that this journey with you will be more joyful and less sad. More considerate and less critical. More understanding and less harsh. More encouragement. , hit less. Appreciate more and complain less. You are a child who makes mistakes, and I am a mother with many shortcomings. May we not dislike each other and be happy. Help each other and make progress together.

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