• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

How painful is it for children who grow up to see their parents’ faces?


Oct 1, 2023

A mother said that her 10-year-old son was very timid and timid all day long. He was often bullied by his classmates at school, and she was worried about this. The relationship between her and her husband was not very good. They often quarreled, and the children were very depressed living in this environment. Not only that, the husband will beat the child whenever he is angry. As time goes by, the child becomes very \”obedient\”. The child lives his own life cautiously, never arguing with his parents. If he does everything according to his parents\’ wishes, he protects himself by looking at their parents\’ faces. If he did something wrong, he would not say a word. When faced with criticism from his parents, he would just lower his head and not argue. Parents sometimes said angrily: \”I never expected to give birth to such a coward.\” Once, the child was bullied by his classmates at school. When he came home, his legs were black and blue. When the mother saw the child like this, she yelled: \” Can you be a little manly? If someone bullies you, you won\’t fight back. What\’s the use of being so tall?\” During the mother\’s scolding, the child kept his head down. He had no desire to communicate with his mother, and He quietly returned to his bedroom, as if all this was his own fault. The child has a habit of writing a diary. If she hadn\’t occasionally seen the diary written by the child, this mother would not have known how painful the child was. From this moment, parents know how wrong their education methods are and how much psychological trauma they have caused to their children. The child wrote in his diary: \”The complete set of Gaussian mathematics animation videos for grades 1 to 6, all in high definition, and all the difficult points in elementary school mathematics have been solved. They say that a mother\’s child is like a treasure, but I feel like an abandoned piece of grass. I don\’t have it.\” In my own world, I can\’t find the joy of life. My classmates bully me, and I can only shed tears. I want to fight back, but I don\’t dare. Sometimes I feel that I am really a useless coward.\” The child wrote in his diary. He said that he had never felt the love from his parents for such a long time, and he was always accompanied by scoldings. Sometimes he wanted to escape from this world, because it was like a hell on earth. Seeing this, the mother panicked. She was suddenly at a loss. It turned out that all this situation was caused by herself. This mother told me: \”I just discovered that my child is afraid of me. It\’s because I didn\’t play the role of a good mother, and I left him with a psychological wound that is difficult to heal.\” When I was a child, faced with punishment from my parents, We would secretly vow to take our children seriously in the future, but we never expected that after having children, we would keep making the same mistakes. Many times, when children make mistakes, we can’t help but blame, correct, or even take a fierce attitude. When we were children, we often had this scene. When we made our parents angry, they would yell: If you don\’t obey again, I will beat you. It\’s really lawless. Under the education of sticks, children gradually become timid and fearful, and gradually learn to protect themselves by looking at their parents\’ faces. It is our education that makes them timid and fearful, but in turn blames them for not being manly. Yes, after a child becomes a coward, we begin to look at the child\’s behavior anxiously and try every means to correct it, but the way of correction is always aggressive and emotionally unstable.Unstable, we completely forget that we are dealing with a child, not a sane adult. Where has our love gone? Maybe you don\’t know how painful it is for a child who grows up to look at his face. What impact will these expressions have on children? Children who grow up based on their looks often tend to please others unconsciously and have no self-esteem. When their mother keeps repeating, I will be unhappy if you do that, and I will be happy if you do this. In fact, it is conveying such a message to the child: No matter what the child\’s own motivation for doing something is, it doesn\’t matter. What matters is the mother\’s feelings. Therefore, the child needs to pay for the mother\’s happiness and displeasure. Of course, no child wants his mother to be unhappy, so he will observe in life what his mother likes, and then he will do that in the future. For example, my mother wants to be polite when going out, and she should take the initiative to say hello to uncles and aunts when she sees them. Regardless of whether he wants it or not, as long as he does it, my mother will be happy. For example, my mother wants him to give a toy to the son of her best friend. Regardless of whether he likes it or not, as long as he does it, the mother will feel very proud. For example, if a mother takes her child to attend her friend\’s daughter\’s birthday party, regardless of whether he is happy or not, as long as he goes, the mother will feel satisfied. As a child grows older, he becomes more and more observant of people\’s faces and feels more and more that doing things for others can gain other people\’s like and love. Then, he also learned to use the \”please\” method of communication. But people who please often think: I don\’t deserve to be loved, I should always please others, I can\’t make others angry, I can\’t offend others, it\’s all my fault. The starting point is always others. When we please others, we disregard our own feelings of worth, cede our power to others, and give everything a yes. Ingratiation comes at the expense of self-worth, denies our self-esteem, and sends the message that we are unimportant. If your child always lives for others, always cares about other people\’s feelings, always feels insignificant and has no sense of self-worth. Isn\’t this kind of life very difficult? Children who grow up looking at their faces are easily affected by other people\’s emotions. A mother said: Ever since she was a child, whenever she did something wrong, she would be yelled at and scolded by her father. Even if I accidentally break a bowl, I will clean it up quietly, full of fear. So she is always frightened when doing things, and if others are unhappy at all, she will be very nervous and wonder, have I done something wrong again? One time for her father\’s birthday, she wanted to make him happy, so she took the initiative to cook a table of meals and tidy up the house, which was already very capable for a high school child. But as soon as my father came home, for some unknown reason, he lost his temper and broke the bowl. She was so frightened that she hid in her room and cried for a long time. She will wonder, did she do something wrong again? When I was a child, I looked at my father’s face, and when I grow up, I look at the faces of the people around me. Recalling her past experiences, she felt that her emotions were often unstable and would be influenced by others. In interpersonal relationships, if others find weaknesses in her way of getting along, they may use their emotions to express their feelings.Take control of her and let her be at ease. Therefore, she had to make great efforts and changes in self-emotional management and growth in order to achieve ordinary people\’s happiness. Children who grow up to look at their faces often sacrifice their own feelings, and do not know how to refuse to be their parents. Their faces have become the only survival tool that children can rely on. Then, the child has to accept the fact that his own feelings are not important, and his own emotions are not important. unimportant. When one day he enters the adult world and others deal with him with various expressions, he will not have the courage to refuse. One girl told me that even if she felt uncomfortable, she would not dare to say no. Rejecting others will make her feel bad about herself and make her feel guilty. Even if she met someone handing out flyers on the street, she couldn\’t refuse him. As she walked around, she might have a variety of flyers in her hands. When she goes to the gym to work out and meets a coach selling products, she can\’t refuse. She thinks he will be unhappy if she refuses the coach, and she is afraid that the coach will use it to make things difficult for her. She is a consumer and a payer, but in the end it became her problem. In fact, if you carefully understand this girl\’s growth experience, it is not difficult to understand her approach. Her parents were unhappy in their marriage, and she was often in a chaotic and conflicting family environment. And my mother is moody and I don’t know when she will explode. One time I took her out to buy clothes. She originally looked at a dress that looked good in style, but her mother said it didn\’t look good and forcefully asked her to change into another dress that her mother chose that was very tacky. She originally wanted to persist, but her mother\’s face darkened and she immediately backed down. She was afraid that her mother would take off her clothes in public, as her mother had done to her before. Mom\’s face will change faster than the sky. Therefore, she has known since she was a child not to make her mother angry, not to conflict with others, not to say no, and not to reject others, otherwise, the consequences will be terrible. These familiar behavioral patterns continue into adulthood. She often suppresses her feelings and often refuses to reject others. When her colleagues asked her to help, she would not refuse and would often work overtime. When her friends asked her to help, she would not refuse but would often sacrifice her spare time. She said that she can only explode when she is really pushed into a corner and has nowhere to retreat. And the so-called outburst is nothing more than kicking his beloved puppy. But she didn\’t want to do this, she felt too bitter inside. Those children who grow up looking at their faces are already scarred in their hearts. They are often unable to manage their emotions; they are in an uncontrollable state; they are habitual to please; they ignore their own feelings; they do not know how to reject others, and feel aggrieved and helpless. No matter what the situation is, it will take the child a lifetime to repair. Facts have proven that most parents cannot help but criticize, correct, or even be fierce when their children make mistakes. When I was young, my parents were angry: If you make trouble again, I will beat you! When you are older, your parents will be angry: Why are you such a strange child, so unsociable, and you don’t even say hello to the teacher when you see him? As I grew older, my parents became angry because they were dressed shabbily and looked ugly! Looking at a child\’s behavior with anxiety, the way of \”correction\” is often aggressive and prone to emotional outbursts. So it is easy to overlook: while denying the child, it also isolates them emotionallyHad a child. Incomprehensible reasons are unconvincing to children, and unreasonable blaming will make children feel that they are not good enough and not loved. Slowly, the child\’s self-confidence will eventually be eroded, and the child will be afraid of trying and making mistakes, becoming the kind of \”child who has not been confident since childhood.\” Everyone wants to be treated gently, including children. Every child initially understands the world through his or her own curiosity and constantly touches the boundaries of the rules. Only then will he develop his own inner rules and self-discipline through debugging. In this process, mistakes are inevitable and conflicts cannot be ignored. When faced with their children\’s mistakes, parents often have this mentality: If their children don\’t understand anything, if they don\’t teach them now, it will be too late to develop habits in the future. In fact, children are the same as adults: there are inevitable detours and steps. Understanding that children have their own pace of growth and allowing them to explore the world in their own way and on their own track is the deepest trust in children. When children feel that they are trusted by their parents, they will continue to work hard in response to this trust.

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