• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

How should we control our children so that things get worse?

Take care of your children without overdoing it. Too many tubes or too thin tubes can easily backfire. The more you control, the slower your child becomes. \”How many times did I rush you this morning?\” \”You\’re already late. Let\’s see how the teacher punishes you later!\” \”You procrastinate in everything you do, and you have to worry about everything.\” The above Do the words sound particularly familiar? This is how we keep urging and scolding our children in life. Get up quickly, do homework quickly, and go to bed quickly. We appear to be much more anxious than our children. The result was unsatisfactory. The more he was urged, the child did not become \”faster\”, but became more and more unconscious. He would never take the initiative without urging him. If you don\’t ask your child to get up, he will stay in bed until 9 or 10 o\’clock; if you don\’t ask him to eat, he will not sit at the dining table; if you don\’t urge him to do his homework, the child will not take the initiative to do it… Gradually, the child will get used to doing this. Living and studying amidst the urging day after day has become more and more unconscious. Being too anxious actually undermines your child\’s initiative. The more you control, the lazier your children become. Do your children have this situation? They don’t do housework at home, they don’t do what they can do, and they don’t do what they should do. The same is true at school. I know a couple who have a very cute daughter. The couple dotes on their children very much and has been reluctant to let their children work since childhood. Now that my daughter is in her third year of college, she never washes the dishes at home, throws away her coat and shoes as soon as she takes off her clothes, and does nothing else. When she returns to school, she does a particularly poor job in housekeeping. Couples always complain and clean up on behalf of their children. The source of situations like this is that parents do too much. Many parents are used to helping their children pack their school bags, tidy up their rooms, and take care of their children, which encourages their children\’s laziness. Many parents have a misunderstanding. They always think that if they do more for their children when they are young, the children will naturally do it themselves when they grow up. But the fact is that not all problems in children\’s growth will naturally get better with age. A psychologist once said: Once human beings choose a certain behavior pattern in childhood, they cannot change it even after they become adults. When children are young, parents who care too much and do too much for their children are encouraging their children\’s laziness. Over time, their children will become more and more dependent. The more you control, the worse your child\’s self-discipline will be. Dr. Thomas Gordon, a famous American psychologist, once interviewed a teenage boy: \”Whenever my parents are not around, I find that it is impossible for me to leave in front of the TV. I have become accustomed to them forcing me to do my homework. When they are not at home, I don’t have any power in my heart to make me do my homework.” There are too many children like this in life. They have been closely watched by their parents since they were young. He is used to tight control, and has always relied on his parents\’ strict requirements for living and studying every day. On the surface, there is no big problem, but one day no one will control him, and life will start to get very bad. Take learning as an example. Many parents have strict control over their children\’s learning. They watch their children do homework and check their children. However, as soon as the parents go out, their children will do whatever they are supposed to do. They will never sit at the desk, read or study. I once read an article in which the author pointed out that there are millions of college students in China pretending to study, including many from prestigious universities. These childrenWhen my son went to college, there was no one to control him, so he began to indulge freely, sleeping in class and playing mobile phones, playing games with his parents’ hard-earned money, messing around, messing with credits, and refusing to even listen to a class properly… Without his parents, he Discipline, children also lose self-discipline. Before a child develops self-discipline, parental discipline is necessary, but if there is too much heteronomy and these rules do not penetrate the child\’s heart, it will be difficult for the child to form self-discipline. The more they control, the less autonomous their children will be. All parents understand the importance of cultivating their children’s independence, but because of their desire for control, they often cannot stop making many decisions for their children. They do not believe in their children’s feelings and choices, and they participate and interfere in all situations. , ultimately obliterating the child’s learning process. A parent sent his child to a summer camp, and the child performed extremely well. Not only was he highly independent, he also helped the team leader as a consultant and made suggestions. Many people have asked her how she raised such an independent child. Her mother’s answer is two words: no matter. This mother explained: \”If you want your children to be independent, under the premise of safety, parents only need to let go and let their children make more choices.\” I admire this mother\’s education method. After all, many times, letting go is more important than taking care of things. Discipline is much more difficult. When you were a child, you made too many decisions for your children. Your children will not know what they want when faced with many things in the future. In the reality show \”City of Fantasy\”, Yi Nengjing\’s son wanted to take an editing class, but Yi Nengjing wanted him to take a screenwriting class. The son said this: \”Tell me what you know, how do you know that you That’s all you know? You haven’t been to my future.” Yes, parents cannot predict what their children’s future will be like. The only way to prepare for a rainy day is to persistently cultivate a child’s independence and self-confidence. The more you control, the more rebellious your children will be. Children\’s rebellion is essentially a resistance to restraints and restrictions. Especially adolescent children, they desperately want their own space. The more their parents control them, the more fierce their rebellion will be. A long time ago, I heard from a friend that when his son was in the third grade of junior high school, his grades never improved. The couple was particularly worried, so they became more strict with their son and took turns accompanying him to study. One day, a friend discovered that his child was surfing the Internet at an Internet cafe outside the school. He was so angry that he threw a cup and even wanted to attack the child. The son saw his father\’s raised hand, but he was not afraid at all: \”Hit me, beat me to death!\” All this made his friend at a loss. Adult authority is not effective for children at every stage. It is almost impossible to control an adolescent child with authority. This stage is also the most helpless time for parents, because you will find that when your child is young, you can lie to him, scold him, or even beat him to achieve the purpose of discipline. But as the child gets older, the more severe you are, the more violent the child may resist. Tubing too much and controlling too much will lead to more conflicts. Patience, understanding and respect should be the tone of communication between parents and children.

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