• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

How terrible is it for parents to cry poverty to their children?

Raising a child in poverty has ruined three generations. My husband has a distant cousin who I haven’t seen for many years. It is said that my life was quite pleasant. Years ago, she took her whole family to Wuhan for a trip and stopped by my house. Unexpectedly, as soon as they met, she started to act like a sister-in-law of Xianglin. She kept complaining that life was tight and her son’s kindergarten tuition was expensive. The adults were obviously chatting, but when she saw her son playing trampoline on the sofa, she suddenly said: \”Son, don\’t break the sofa. Mom has no money to buy a new one for her uncle\’s house!\” When her son was playing with a bulldozer in the toy room, she quickly ran over and slapped the child\’s hand holding the toy away: \”Mom can\’t afford to pay for damaging my brother\’s car!\” These scenes made my husband and I miserable. Very embarrassing. The child who was enthusiastic and lively when he first entered the house turned into a frost-beaten eggplant under his mother\’s repeated \”intimidation\” and did not dare to raise his head. I can\’t help but feel a little sorry for this kid. It was not because his mother scolded him for being naughty, but because his mother often taught him: \”Because we are poor, we are not worthy!\” In fact, her family is not really poor. The couple\’s monthly salary is 20,000 yuan, and they can almost pay off their mortgage. There is no need to live such a stressful life, let alone let the children live frugally. However, material poverty can be solved, but spiritual poverty is extremely stubborn. As my cousin said, her stingy gene came from her mother\’s womb, and her parents taught her from an early age that she was not worthy of good clothes and good food. I have been poor since I was a child. I am afraid of poverty. Is it wrong to save some money now? ! In my opinion, this is dead wrong. There is an old saying: No matter how poor you are, you cannot have poor children; no matter how difficult it is, you cannot have a hard education. This does not mean that children should develop luxurious bad habits, but that children are in the shaping period of their outlook on life, and parents’ views on material and money will have a huge impact on their children. In particular, the cousin\’s false sense of lack will cause the child to lose the necessary ambition and perception. If parents often cry about poverty, what will happen to their children? There is another real example around me, which is my cousin. My uncle\’s family was very poor when he was a child. When making porridge every day, my mother would put in a small spoonful of rice and a few large spoonfuls of water to make a large vat of porridge. When his father came back from get off work, he would scoop out half a bowl of porridge for him for lunch, while mother and the children could only eat two field potatoes with the porridge and water. Because he experienced the hardships at home in his early years, my uncle was a precocious young man and worked hard to become a local civil servant. He started as a small surveyor and finally became the head of the bureau. Logically speaking, my father is the leader of his work unit, so the family\’s financial conditions are not too bad. But the uncle wanted to make his cousin suffer more. In his opinion, only a difficult environment can sharpen his will, and a slightly better life would destroy his son. In order to educate my cousin to become self-reliant as soon as possible, my uncle has been lying since he was in elementary school, saying that the family\’s financial situation was not good and he only sent 500 yuan for living expenses every month. So, in addition to 300 yuan for food and 150 yuan for fixed teaching materials, the little cousin lived with 50 yuan in change. Seeing his classmates laughing and joking and going shopping together after class, he was filled with envy, but he was too shy to go with them due to face issues. Gradually, he became more and more alienated from his classmates and became aAn otaku. There is a question on Zhihu: \”Why does poverty make children feel inferior?\” An anonymous user\’s answer is very heartbreaking: \”I never dare to say that I want it, I only dare to say that it is great!\” Parents may never know that they cry about poverty. The original intention is to teach children to cherish their current life more, to be grateful for their parents\’ efforts for them, and to understand the good intentions behind their parents\’ \”poor raising\”. Unexpectedly, in the \”poor\” environment created by their parents, children will slowly narrow their desires, blunt their original ambitions, and narrow their vision of the world. They will never be able to think outside the box of being poor throughout their lives. It’s not scary to be poor, but it’s scary to be poor. In the recently popular \”Stay with My Mom\”, the slap that the accompanying mother Chen Lili slapped on her son hit many people\’s hearts. However, her next words made her son even more chilling: You Can it be compared with Ding Yi? If something happens to him, his mother will be responsible for it. What will happen to our family if something happens to you? Our family (family situation) is no better than his! There is also Zhao Dehan in last year\’s popular TV series \”In the Name of the People\”. He rides a bicycle every day, lives in a dormitory allocated by the state, and eats fried noodles from ordinary people\’s homes. His house is bare-walled, and he pays his mother a car every month. 300 yuan. But Hou Liangping found hundreds of millions of cash in his private villa. Facing the law enforcement officers, he said these words: \”I haven\’t spent a penny\”, \”My family has been farmers for generations\”, and \”I\’m afraid of being poor.\” Many people see Zhao Dehan\’s greed, but in my opinion, he is a man tightly bound by poverty. Scared of poverty! Due to the shadow of childhood, the desire for money has been deeply imprinted in my heart. Writer Gu Gu said in the book \”What the Poor Want\”: What people lack on the surface is money, but essentially they lack ideas. What they lack in their destiny is choices, what they lack in their bones is courage, and what they lack in their stomachs is What is lacking in knowledge and career is perseverance, and what is lacking in action is change. This terrible power of poor people\’s thinking is no less than that of atomic reactions. It will cause conceptual deviations in children and affect their luck and life for a lifetime. The poverty of adults may be temporary, but the aura of poverty can accompany children for a lifetime. Whether a child is rich or poor in his heart does not entirely depend on his family background, but also depends on his parents\’ attitude towards money and life. Good education does not mean crying about being poor or even pretending to be poor, but letting children understand the meaning of labor and the value of self-achievement through appropriate education. For example, the American billionaire John Rockefeller owes much of his success to his tutoring. When he was a child, he helped his father as a \”hired laborer\” to earn pocket money. He went to the fields to do farm work at dawn in the early morning, and sometimes helped his mother milk cows. He has a small notebook dedicated to accounting. After quantifying his work, he records the work at US$0.37 per hour, and then settles the settlement with his father. He did this very seriously and felt it was both sacred and interesting. What is even more significant is that even after Rockefeller became the American oil tycoon, this simplest method of obtaining labor remuneration continued to be cultivated by the next generation. The second, third and even fourth generation of the family have benefited from it, becoming the secret to the success of this legendary family. What is a good family tradition? A reasonable understanding of money is a good family tradition. Just like LuoBing said: Money is an unavoidable and even very important issue in a family. The earlier parents talk to their children about money, the better, which is conducive to cultivating their children\’s independence. When we talk about money, we are talking more about our dignity. However, while talking about how money has such a big impact on our lives, we should let our children know how to better obtain money, how to view money, and how to use money. If you don\’t cry about poverty, you will give your children stronger armor to face the truth of life.

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