• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

How to change and shape your child\’s behavior


Oct 1, 2023

Every time \”Westward Journey\” is mentioned, I will think of the nagging Tang Monk. Especially what he said makes me laugh every time I remember: \”Wukong, you are too naughty. I told you not to throw things around, but why did you… Look, you threw the stick again before I finished speaking. . The Moonlight Box is a treasure. Throwing it around will pollute the environment. What if it hits a child? Even if it doesn’t hit a child, it’s wrong to hit flowers and plants…\” Every time I finish listening, I can’t help but take a deep breath. tone, and then rolled his eyes: Help, how can there be such a verbose person. I once thought that characters like Tang Seng were completely fictional and just for fun. Until one time, Bunniu said something to me, which made me change my view. Every time Bu Niu goes out, she likes to touch the escalator with her hands. No matter whether the escalator is clean or not, she always puts her hand on it. I told her that the escalators are dirty, there are germs on your hands, and your sleeves get stained. But she always doesn\’t listen. Once, she grabbed the escalator again. When I took a look, there was a thick layer of dust on it. I couldn\’t hold it back anymore, so I reasoned with her: \”How many times have I told you not to grab the escalator with your hands, why are you grabbing it again? Don\’t you see how thick the dust is on top? Look at it. Are your hands dirty? They are all black. What will you do if you put your hands in your mouth later? What if you forget to wash your hands and eat directly? Won\’t you get sick? Even if you don\’t get sick, look at these dirty sleeves. Isn’t it difficult for me to take a shower?” I wanted to continue talking in one breath. Bunu pursed her lips, tears welling up in her eyes, and interrupted me with an aggrieved look on her face: \”Mom, don\’t you love me? Why are you talking about me again?\” I was stunned, my God, when did I become like this? So long-winded? It\’s a bit like…Tang Monk. If the child disobeys, we will be reasonable. After we finished talking, the kids still didn’t listen, so we continued talking, more and more. There are a lot of truths, but the more the children listen, the more impatient they become, the more they listen, the more rebellious they become, and the more they listen, the more bad habits they get. What went wrong? Children\’s educational psychology e-book, Adlerian psychology book download, ultra-clear PDF. Parents with low emotional intelligence can\’t stop reasoning. I heard a story told by a friend. Her daughter was sick once but desperately wanted ice cream. In order to persuade her to take medicine, her friend promised that when you get better, your mother will buy you ice cream. In order to get the ice cream she longed for, her daughter swallowed all the bitter and unpleasant medicine while resisting the urge to vomit. Later, her daughter\’s illness finally recovered, and she excitedly took her friends to buy ice cream. You can eat it if you want, and my friends are actually willing to buy it for their children. But the bad thing is that the weather happened to change in those few days, and the weather that was still hot and sweaty suddenly became freezing. The child is just sick, how can he eat ice cream in such a cold weather? So, my friend started to persuade me one by one: It’s not that I don’t want you to eat, it’s really that the weather is too cold and your stomach won’t be able to bear it. You are sick and you know it well. If you eat at this time, if you get sick, You don’t have to take those bitter medicines again; you are a grown up child, you need to be more sensible, how can you still be so willful? My daughter sobbed and told her friend, \”You will keep reasoning. I haveIt’s not like you don’t know how much you want to eat ice cream. You don’t even care about me, you just keep talking about me. The friend was stunned for a long time before she realized that she was so anxious to get her child to change her mind that she just kept trying to reason, but she forgot to care about the child\’s feelings of loss and grievance behind the scenes. In fact, we should have discovered long ago that being reasonable will really only push the people close to us away little by little. For example, if you encounter difficulties at work, you come back to complain to your partner. But your partner tells you, I told you a long time ago, you shouldn\’t do that; you should change a long time ago. Look at your usual performance, can you do a good job? Let me tell you, you should do this next time, not that way… Faced with these words, are you grateful for his great truth, or are you impatient and feel that the other person does not understand you? There is a saying in \”The Parent-Child Communication Code\”: Our persuasion means the failure of others. The more reasonable our reasoning is, the duller they appear. To be honest, the subtext is actually: \”You are wrong, you don\’t understand, I understand, you have to listen to me.\” When a child is obsessed with something, he may have some needs that we have not seen. It is through stubbornness, rebellion, and playing devil\’s advocate that he communicates his needs to us. If we can identify needs and understand emotions, things will be much easier to handle. Mothers with high emotional intelligence will activate their children\’s left and right brains to keep reasoning. In addition to wasting your saliva, they may also be happy to have a \”rebellious child\”. Therefore, if you want your children to understand your \”reason\”, you might as well change your communication method and turn your words around. Results-oriented approach Our children will inevitably make mistakes. For example, I forgot my homework, got up late and was late, broke other people\’s things, etc. When we are in a hurry, our mouths will inevitably speak faster than our brains, and accusations or \”I told you so\” will come out of our mouths. But these words often don\’t work. Children will still make mistakes no matter what they do later. If we want our children to stop regretting the past and look to the future, we might as well use the \”result-oriented method\” to activate the left and right brains of the child and guide him to think about what to do and how to avoid it in the future. For example, a child is late. ●Let’s first stimulate the child’s right brain space and imagination: What kind of state do you want her to be in when she faces the teacher? Let the children think in the direction of good results: they want the teacher to be kind and cheerful, and they want the teacher to accept his explanation. ●Then activate the child\’s left brain for logical analysis: What do you think should be done to make such a picture appear? Let the children put themselves in the teacher\’s shoes and think about specific implementation methods: understand the teacher\’s emotions, apologize to the teacher, and explain their true situation. ●Look at the results from the teacher’s perspective: In addition to listening to your explanation, what results do you think the teacher wants? Inspire children to look at problems from multiple perspectives and think divergently: If the teacher wants me not to be late next time, I can tell him my plan for getting up early in the future. With such a thinking process, if a child makes a mistake in the future, the first thing he will think about is not to evade and shirk responsibility, but to use his brain to think and find solutions and prevention plans from a long-term perspective. This method will make children become more and more courageous, instead of closing their ears to avoid our big principles and become \”The author of the demand-oriented book \”Positive Discipline\” believes that behind every bad behavior of children, there is a wrong purpose. For example, in two-child families, many eldest children will spank the second child. The eldest child may just want to He wants to get his parents\’ attention, but he doesn\’t know how to express his needs, so he does wrong things like \”beating\”. Even if you tell Dabao 10,000 times, \”He is your younger brother and sister, you have to love and protect him.\” \”This kind of truth, but his needs have not been met, how can he listen to these truths? So, if we want to change a child\’s behavior, the first thing we have to see is his inner needs. Like Bunniu I like to grab the escalator when I go out. I changed my strategy and no longer talked about reasoning, but directly asked: Baby, why do you like to grab the escalator so much? After listening to Bunniu’s words, I realized that I really didn’t stand by her. Look at the problem from the perspective of: She is short, so she feels safe by holding on to the escalator when walking up the stairs; when encountering a smooth escalator, it is fun to slide while walking. After seeing the needs of the child, can we blindly satisfy them? No! Because He has his needs, and we also have our needs. I am worried about dirty escalators and bacteria, I am worried about Bunniu falling, and I am worried about dirty clothes being difficult to wash. These are my needs, and I have to speak out and let her know. We Only by seeing the needs of both parties and finding a method that is acceptable to everyone can a win-win situation be achieved. In the end, the solution we came up with was: wear a sleeve when going out and put it on your hands and sleeves; when you feel insecure, Hold on to the hands of mom and dad; when encountering an escalator that is too slippery, ask your parents to protect you. There are some things that when you really agree with your child to do, he may lose interest because he has lost you as an audience. I have always believed that, Raising children is a practice. We cannot be 100% perfect parents, but we can make mistakes and grow with our children. We must first be \”learning parents\”, and only then can our children become \”learning children\”. What do you think Woolen cloth?

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