• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

How to educate adolescent children?

The rebellious period of youth is the last chance children leave to their parents. Director Bo Shining of the Department of Critical Care Medicine at Peking University Third Hospital once shared a story: A high school boy had a conflict with his mother at home over studies. The mother and son were tit for tat and refused to give in to each other. After a while, the boy took advantage of his mother not paying attention. Open the window and jump down from the fifth floor. Although he was rescued in time, all the bones in the boy\’s lower limbs had been comminutedly fractured, and his cervical spine had also been comminutedly fractured by the fall. In this way, a good child became a high paraplegic. Breathing depends on a ventilator, and blood pressure depends on a blood pressure booster. For the rest of his life, he would never be able to run or jump like his peers. After watching the video, many people were heartbroken. Someone asked why this child was so stupid, because his life was ruined because of a little thing. But in fact, he is not stupid. Showdown? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan PDF version for download. Instead, when children reach the age of 14 or so, they will enter a period of “psychological weaning.” For children at this stage, their past psychological patterns have been broken, and their new psychological patterns have not yet been fully established, so they appear to be particularly rebellious and contradictory. The whole person turned into a powder bag, flammable and explosive. At this time, the attitude of parents becomes crucial. Dr. Bo Shining said sincerely at the end of the video: \”In a child\’s adolescence, what is more important than forcing him to study every day is that parents can spend more time with their child, chat with him more, and share more things with him. Because you Once you miss this period, you will never come back.\” This also verifies what a writer once said: \”Parents\’ education for their children has an expiration date. No matter how hard the parents work after the expiration date, it will be worse than But it was effective 10 years ago.\” If you go head-to-head with adolescent children, parents will lose everything. A netizen once shared a story about himself and his father: Growing up, his father had always been very strict with him. Apart from eating and sleeping, his father did not allow him to have any recreational activities. He could only read and write every day. Even if he stopped to get a glass of water, his father would scold him as a \”beggary\” and a \”starving thing.\” After entering adolescence, my father became even more aggressive. Every time he was drunk, he would pick something up and throw it at him, and plausibly said: \”This is my son, I have the right to kill him.\” During the winter vacation of the third grade of junior high school, he was doing homework at home, writing and writing. The pen was out of water, so I went out to buy a pen. But when his father saw that he was not at home, he thought he had gone out to play, so he burned his books and homework. After school started, he was not allowed to report to school and was instead dumped in an auto repair shop. He recalled: \”Three days later, my relatives came to pick me up and took away my body. But my soul drowned in the engine oil and was buried under the chassis.\” After experiencing this incident, he seemed to have given up: In the eyes of others, he is more motivated and sensible than before. He studied hard and was finally admitted to university with a score 30 points higher than the standard. But what no one knew was that his father\’s long-term control and humiliation made him hatch a \”revenge\” plan in his heart: he spent 8 years studying and living like a robot every day. Until one month before graduation in his senior year, he got tattoos, pierced ears, and applied to drop out of school.Despite the opposition of his father and relatives, he worked as a network administrator in an Internet cafe. In this way, he used an extreme method, at the cost of ruining his entire life, to win back from his father. No matter what the original intention is, once parents choose to deny, attack, and control their children in order to defeat them. Then there is only one final result: the child\’s growth becomes extremely difficult, and the parents only have regrets for the rest of their lives. As a saying goes: 15 recommended high-scoring infant education books, which can be called life textbooks, are destined to have a war between every child and their parents. If the child wins, it\’s a comedy; if the parents win, it\’s a tragedy. Adolescent children need far more from their parents than we imagine. British psychoanalyst Winnicott said: \”If a child wants to become an adult, he has to step on the corpse of an adult to complete this journey of growth.\” Faced with a child who does everything possible to defeat his parents , what parents really want to do is not to fight or suppress, but to let their children defeat themselves. When I was in middle school, I thought it would be cool to have my ears pierced, so I pierced the bone of my left ear twice during my vacation. Unexpectedly, a few days later, the ear became infected. When her parents discovered her, her entire ear was red and swollen. My father was anxious and angry, and scolded me: \”Look at what you look like. Are you still a student? How did you learn so badly?\” I was about to retort, but my mother got up and pulled me in. bedroom. I thought my mother would also criticize me severely, but I didn\’t expect that she never did that from beginning to end. She just looked at me gently and guided me to tell my reasons. \”When did you get your ears pierced?\” \”Just after the vacation.\” \”Why do you suddenly want to get your ears pierced?\” \”I read a novel last semester, and there was a male protagonist who always wore it on his left ear. I imagined two diamond earrings. They feel very unique. I also want to be different.\” After hearing my reason, my mother hugged me and said, \”Mom understands, but even without earrings, You are also the most unique existence in my heart.\” After that, he took me to the hospital to get medicine. On the way home, he also bought me a pair of shiny earrings. Perhaps my mother did not expect that it was because of her regression that I, who was like a hedgehog in adolescence, had room to grow. From then on, I rarely did those unconventional things. In fact, most adolescent children are full of contradictions themselves. They seem to be high-spirited and invincible, but in fact they are eager to be accepted and cared for. As written in the book \”Decoding Adolescence\”: \”When a child keeps pushing his parents, provoking his parents, and constantly doing this test, he actually just wants to see whether his parents love him or not.\” The author of the book, Josie Shipp, was also a rebellious teenager. As an orphan, he bounced around several foster homes. Every time he was sent to a foster home, he would cause trouble, irritate his adoptive parents in every way, and secretly calculate how many days it would take before he would be kicked out. Until he met an adoptive father who was willing to tolerate and accept him no matter how naughty or mischievous he was. when he drove drunkAfter being arrested, his adoptive father said to him: \”You see yourself as a trouble, but we see you as an opportunity.\” It was this sentence that made Josie Determined to change, he eventually became an expert on adolescent issues. Adolescent children are always conflicted and confused. They often don’t know what they want, but as parents who have gone through adolescence, they must still remember: What we need is not an enemy who can defeat us in words and actions, but an enemy who can defeat us in words and actions. He is a friend who knows how to show weakness and empathize. Only by hearing the cry behind the child\’s rebellion and the call behind the struggle can parents avoid going into conflict with their children, causing both sides to suffer losses, and can children survive the turbulent adolescence smoothly. Only by standing side by side with your child unconditionally will you win his heart. I really like a story shared by the writer Liu Na: a mother named \”Sister Jin\” has a son who is not easy to worry about. In middle school, she was invited to school by her teacher many times, so much so that she became nervous when she saw the teacher\’s number, but she did not blame or beat her son for this. Once, the teacher called her again and said that her son had forged a day pass and sneaked out of school many times. At that time, my mother was on a business trip in another city. After explaining the situation to the teacher, she set off immediately and finally arrived at the school at 10 p.m. When she saw her son, he was standing in the corridor, and his mother did not rush to teach him a lesson. Instead, he asked him if he had eaten. The son shook his head, and his mother handed him the meal she bought for her son on the way. The punishment given by the school was a three-day suspension and a demerit. For three days, my mother didn\’t say a word about it. It wasn\’t until the fourth day when I sent my son to school that I asked him at the door, tell me how you battled wits and courage with the security uncle. The son laughed and told the story from beginning to end. I didn\’t do anything out of the ordinary, just went for a walk and bought a drink. After hearing this, his mother said: \”Why bother? A person\’s files should accompany him for life, and he should cherish his honor.\” She also told him by the way: \”My mother has bad eyesight, so she rushed to school that day and felt anxious. In the evening Driving on the highway, if something happens, how will you live your life?\” Since then, the son has never caused any trouble to his mother. Jane Nelson wrote in the book \”Positive Discipline\”: \”The best way to win over teenage children is to stand with them first with a kind, firm, and respectful attitude. Let the children be supported by understanding , to gain a sense of self-esteem and belonging.\” Adolescent children cannot listen to reason. Even sometimes, the more reasonable parents are, the thicker the wall between them and their children is: children will feel that their parents just want to solve the problem quickly, rather than really caring about their own feelings. At this time, no matter how correct the truth is, it is useless. Instead, it will lead to a stalemate and lose-lose situations. It is better to have a heart of love, understanding, waiting and acceptance, and always remind ourselves: everything we do is to win children. Not to win the child. Only in this way, children will not be beaten to death in the war with their parents, and they will not sacrifice their precious youth to take revenge on their parents. And parents can also be at warAfterwards, survive intact and live more vividly. I hope all parents can cultivate a normal mind in this war. I hope that all children can reconcile with their parents and move towards a larger world.

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