• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

How to help children develop good habits of self-discipline?

Children\’s lack of self-discipline is caused by many reasons. Sometimes the problem does not necessarily only lie with the child. Parents should also help their children overcome the problem of lack of self-discipline from their own perspective. German mother’s experience in teaching integrity and self-discipline: Teach good children who are strong + independent + tolerant + frugal. In this article, we start from 5 psychological effects and talk about how we, as parents, should help our children develop in daily life. The habit of self-discipline. The Hawthorne Effect changes, starting from being noticed. In November 1924, a research team headed by Mayo, a psychology expert from Harvard University, entered the Hawthorne Factory of the Westinghouse Electric Company. The Hawthorne Factory was a branch of the Western Electric Company in the United States. Their original intention was to try to find ways to improve labor productivity by improving external factors such as working conditions and environment. They selected six female workers in the workshop as objects of observation, and were surprised to find that their work efficiency would increase whether they increased or decreased their benefits (rest length, supply of refreshments, etc.). As far as the Hawthorne experiment itself is concerned, when these six female workers were drawn into a group, they realized that they were a special group and the ones that these experts had always cared about. This feeling of being noticed made them redouble their efforts. Work to prove that you are good and worthy of attention. This wonderful phenomenon is called the \”Hawthorne Effect\”, which is also the origin of the psychological term \”Hawthorne Effect\”. Self-discipline is often based on heteronomy, and heteronomy must transform into self-discipline. In the process of transformation, the form of heteronomy changes. In children\’s behavior, we gradually weaken the role of commander and transform into bystanders. Our attention to our children is the motivation for them to work hard to perform well; our respect for our children also gives them the space to act independently. In this way, it is possible for heteronomy to transform into self-discipline. The trans-limit effect is preachy in a certain way, but too much is not enough. \”I\’ve told you 100 times, homework must be completed on time!\” \”Why are you always dragging your feet? Hurry up!\” \”I\’ve told you so many times, why are you still so careless?\”… Do these words sound right to you? Sound familiar? Why do children still not take it to heart even after saying it 100 times? In fact, it is possible that you have fallen into the over-limit effect. \”Over-the-limit effect\” refers to a psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or rebelliousness due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation, or action for too long a time. The great writer Mark Twain personally experienced this \”dilemma\”: One day, Mark Twain listened to the pastor\’s speech in church. At first, he felt that what the pastor said was touching, and he was ready to donate more money. After 10 minutes, the pastor had not finished speaking. He became impatient and decided to donate only some change. After another 10 minutes, the pastor still didn\’t finish speaking, so he decided not to donate a penny. Finally, when the pastor finally finished his speech and began to solicit donations from the audience, Mark Twain was so angry that he not only did not donate a penny, but also took away 2 yuan from the plate. After reading this short story, can you more or less find some reflections of yourself and your children? In fact, in our family education, parents nagging and exhorting their children too much or for too long will often cause children to be extremely psychologically unhappy.Being patient or rebellious will backfire. The over-limit effect reflects several problems: self-centeredness; failure to pay attention to methods and methods; failure to pay attention to the grasp of \”degree\”; failure to think from others\’ perspective. In family education, a sentence repeated a hundred times will not become the truth, but a truth repeated a hundred times may become nonsense. How to avoid the over-limit effect in parent-child communication? In parent-child communication, give more consideration to the other person’s feelings and allow the other person to have the right to express themselves freely. Learn new ways to communicate in a timely manner and stop using ineffective methods. Pay attention to the grasp of \”degree\”, and pay attention to the appropriateness of situation, emotion and time when communicating. Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and use different communication methods with children of different ages. There shouldn’t be too much preaching, and the criticism “front” shouldn’t be too long either. Some studies have found that children are more likely to listen to criticism in the first few minutes. But as time goes by, the child will gradually enter the state of \”left ear in and right ear out\”. This is because children unconsciously activate the \”psychological shielding function\” to prevent the brain from processing too much negative emotions and information. Such preaching is ineffective and leaves no room for children\’s self-discipline and self-management. How can they start talking about self-discipline? Desi Effect: Inappropriate material rewards often kill children\’s drive. 15 high-scoring baby education books recommended, which can be called life textbooks. Psychologist Edward Deci once conducted a famous experiment. He then assigned some students to individually solve a set of interesting intellectual puzzles. In the first stage, all students in the selected group were not rewarded when solving problems; in the second stage, all students in the experimental group received a reward of US$1 for each puzzle they completed, while students in the no-reward group continued to solve problems as before. ; In the third stage, during the free break time when each student can do whatever they want, the researchers observe whether the students are still doing the problems, which is used as an indicator of the students\’ interest in solving the problems. It was found that students in the no-reward group spent more rest time solving problems than students in the reward group. This shows that the reward group\’s interest in problem solving decayed quickly, while the no reward group still maintained a greater interest in problem solving after entering the third stage. Experiments have proven that when a person engages in an enjoyable activity, providing him with a reward will actually reduce the intrinsic attraction of the activity to him. This is called the “Desi effect”. Daily family education can be understood in terms of the Desi effect: when a child becomes interested or motivated in something, it is effective to use material rewards to motivate him; but when he has already developed interest or drive in this matter, Sometimes, blindly receiving material rewards will cause children to lose their internal drive and turn to obtaining material rewards as their goal. The author of \”Punishment of Rewards\” also shared a classic example of external rewards that eliminate children\’s internal drive: an old man was harassed by children playing football downstairs all day long. The kids were given two dollars to play football. Later, the money given by the old man became less and less, and in the end he did not give even a dime. He also wanted the children to play football for free for him. When the children found out, they were very angry and stopped coming to play football. In this story, he changed the children\’s internal motivation of \”playing for their own pleasure\” into an external motivation of \”playing for cents\”.\”Play\”. When the external incentives disappear or stop, the child will stop his original behavior. For example, when we don\’t give the child pocket money, he will no longer take the initiative to do housework; when we stop rewarding him for doing homework and practicing piano , he becomes more and more passive at work… We give children material rewards in the hope that they will study hard, but we must also know that the motivational effect of bonuses is limited. Psychologist Herzberg once said: Material rewards theory In the end, it can only ensure that employees do not complain and maintain work enthusiasm at a baseline level. But it cannot satisfy employees and devote themselves to work with high enthusiasm. If you want to significantly increase enthusiasm, you must start from the sense of accomplishment, recognition, and job attractiveness. These motivating factors are the \”intrinsic motivation\” or \”intrinsic drive\” that we usually talk about. The same is true for children. Material rewards have a certain promoting effect, and sometimes they can make children move, do housework, Writing homework and practicing piano may not arouse his inner recognition and investment in things. If you want your child to truly and sincerely devote himself to something, you must start with stimulating his \”internal drive\” and start with \”I want you to do it.\” \”Transformed into \”I want to do it\”. The development of Rosenthal effect self-discipline also requires a positive environment. American psychologist Rosenthal did such an experiment: He randomly selected some A list of children, and handed the list to the teacher, telling the teacher that these children had been verified to have superior IQs. More than half a year later, Rosenthal came to the school again and found that the scores of the children on the list had generally improved, and the teacher also gave good advice. Comment. This is the magic of \”suggestion\”. Experiments tell us that people\’s emotions and ideas will be subconsciously affected by others to varying degrees. People will unconsciously accept the influence and suggestions of people they like, admire, trust and worship . Parents are their children’s most direct teachers, and they are also the people their children love, admire and trust the most. They are also the ones who exert the most psychological suggestions on their children. So, give more positive affirmations to your children and pay more attention to their shining points. , let the children know that they are really great through appreciative eyes and affirmative smiles. Slowly, with the accumulation of affirmation and appreciation, children will develop the habit of self-discipline invisibly. The threshold effect cannot make you fat with one bite. , Self-discipline cannot reach the sky in one step. As soon as children go to school, the importance of self-discipline becomes apparent. Among them, the ability to focus is the most important and worries us the most. If you can’t sit still in class or do homework, how can you be effective and efficient? We recommend it for training The \”Pomodoro Technique\” of concentration. Its basic logic is simple: determine a task to be completed, set 25 minutes as a Pomodoro time; then focus on the work, and do not allow to do anything unrelated to the task in the middle; until When the clock rings, take a short break (i.e. Apple time, 5 minutes is enough); you can rest for 15-30 minutes after every 4 Pomodoros. When used on children, it can be adjusted according to the age characteristics of the child: at the beginning, Pomodoro Set the time shorter, and then slowly increase it, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes… Set the Apple time longer at the beginning, and then slowly decrease it, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes…8 minutes, 6 minutes, 5 minutes… Parents will gradually find that the time their children sit in the chair is gradually extended. This reminds me of the \”threshold effect\” in psychology. It originated from an experiment conducted by American psychologist Friedman and his assistants. In the experiment, researchers first went to each house and made a small request to housewives, asking them to sign a petition \”calling for safe driving.\” Most housewives think it\’s just a matter of signing a name. It\’s very simple. Two weeks later, the researchers approached the housewives again and asked if they could put up a sign in their front yard that read \”Drive Carefully.\” The results showed that most people (more than 55%) who had previously signed the petition ) will agree to put up warning signs; among housewives who have not signed, less than 17% have accepted this request. In the experiment, the \”signature\” is the first threshold. After this threshold is passed, the second \”threshold\” (setting up a warning sign) will be easier to cross. Friedman believes that under normal circumstances, people are reluctant to accept more difficult requirements because it is time-consuming, laborious, and not easy to succeed. On the contrary, everyone is happy to accept requests that are less difficult and easier to complete. And after accepting smaller requests, it will be easier to accept larger requests. In family education, if you make good use of this effect, it will be much easier. First put lower requirements on the children, and when they do as required, give them affirmation, praise and even reward, and then gradually increase the requirements, so that the children can be active and motivated. For example, when playing the \”tomato and apple\” game, I will first make the task easier, and then gradually increase the difficulty. Such \”excessive efforts\” will not arouse the child\’s resentment and resistance. Slowly, the child\’s self-discipline ability is gradually shaped and improved. Compared with \”making a fat man out of one bite\”, the parenting method of \”stepping up to the threshold\” of \”moisturizing things quietly\” is a more rational and wiser method. The above five psychological effects explain how to help children develop self-discipline habits from different angles, hoping to provide some guidance to parents in parenting.

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