A while ago, I saw a hot word on the Internet called \”ordinary and confident\”. In social context, this word is generally used as a \”derogatory\” meaning. However, if we look at this word from an educational perspective, we will find that \”ordinary and confident\” is a very important thing. In life, lack of self-confidence is a difficult hurdle for many children to overcome when they grow up. Many parents, including many, also suffer from low self-esteem: they are afraid to look into other people’s eyes and never or rarely reject others; they are afraid of others. but desire to be liked by everyone; magnify the advantages of others and think that they are worthless… Children with low self-esteem often believe that only outstanding people are qualified to be confident. In fact, although everyone is born ordinary, everyone is a unique creation of nature. There is no need to sink into the whirlpool of self-confidence. There is nothing wrong with an ordinary child having confidence. Zhou Hong Appreciation Education Case Video Original Full Series 6VCD+mp3 However, confidence is not innate. There is still a lot that parents can do on the road to cultivating children\’s self-confidence. In today’s article, let’s talk about what parents should do if they want to raise a confident child. Trying to love the difficult child is the starting point for the child\’s self-confidence. People who are well loved gain self-confidence more easily. It is not difficult to find that those who are truly confident in life are rarely alone, and are often surrounded by relatives or friends who they can rely on. Because people need to belong, we build our identity and define ourselves largely through relationships. For the first few years of a child\’s life, this person is the parent. From the day he was born, he lived dependent on his parents. During his interactions with his parents, he felt unreserved love and attention, and the seeds of self-esteem gradually sprouted. Children who do not receive enough love and attention in their childhood emotional environment can easily develop low self-esteem. Because for an unloved child, the most likely thoughts are: I am not good enough, I am not worthy, and even self-loathing. Although love sounds like an ability that parents can possess without any practice, it is difficult to actually achieve it. Because love is the feeling of children, not the feelings of parents. Many children feel the pain of never being accepted in their parents\’ attitudes, especially when they fail to meet their parents\’ expectations. There is a passage in the book \”Unconditional Parenting\”: \”Unconditional love is most important when raising children is difficult.\” \”When your child does something remarkable, you will be especially happy, but don\’t make you Your \’love\’ will be centered around this; if you can maintain this balance correctly, it will not be easy for your children to grow up feeling that they are valuable only when they succeed; they will be able to fail, but they will not think of themselves as losers. .\” It is easy to love a successful child, but it is much more difficult to love a less well-behaved and imperfect child. In the documentary \”Little Boys\”, there is a boy who loves insects very much. It is difficult for ordinary parents to accept their children having such a hobby. But the boy\’s parents completely respect their son\’s hobbies and even communicate with him from time to time. Therefore, when the boy encountered various doubts from his classmates, he could calmly say: \”They don\’t understand, they just don\’t understand.\”, there is no need to waste words, just do your own thing well. \”Facing the prejudices and doubts around us, and not being led by other people\’s eyes, this is a kind of self-confidence. And this courage to face doubts comes entirely from the love and support of parents. As a child grows up, he is unconditionally Once you accept it, your self-confidence will become stronger and stronger. So, when you don’t know how to cultivate your child’s self-confidence, you just need to love him well and let him know that you can always catch him. The child feels that his parents have taken care of him. After courage, the power of self-confidence will emerge continuously. Create a competent experience for the child to make him feel that he is capable. Regarding cultivating self-confidence, the first way many parents can think of is to praise. Indeed, we sincerely Praise is very helpful for children\’s self-confidence. However, praise is also a technical task. If the scale is not grasped well, some children will become unable to accept criticism and are afraid of failure and setbacks. Some children will even build \”false self-confidence.\” To raise a confident child, don’t rely too much on praise. We also recommend that you let your child accumulate real and successful experiences in practice, so that he can feel capable and establish his own sense of competence. David Kelly He once shared a short story in his TED talk \”How to Build Creativity and Confidence\”. He had a childhood playmate named Brian. One day, the teacher asked everyone to make a handmade horse out of clay. Brian did a great job. Seriously, at this time, a little girl at the same table came over to take a look at his \”work\” and said: \”It\’s really bad, it doesn\’t look like a horse at all.\” \”After hearing this, Brian was in a very bad mood. With his shoulders slumped, he kneaded the clay into a ball and threw it into the trash can. After that, Kelly never saw Brian doing similar crafts again. The little girl\’s words deeply touched his heart. It deeply affected Brian\’s self-confidence and left Brian with the illusion that he was not capable of doing good work. Such stories are also very common in our lives. In life, parents are always worried that their children will be hurt, or It’s because you don’t want your children to make trouble, and you stop them or do everything for them. “You can’t clean it! \”You don\’t know how to wear it, I\’ll help you wear it!\” \”Put it down quickly and don\’t make trouble.\” \”Such over-protection deprives children of important experience opportunities, and can easily make children feel that they are incapable of anything. In your eyes, your child may not be able to wash a cup clean, and may easily injure himself if it breaks, but For children, washing the cup by their own ability is a small challenge. They need to explore the boundaries of their abilities to gain their own self-confidence. This kind of self-confidence experience cannot be replaced by any verbal encouragement. As a parent, it is really There is no need to deliberately weaken the child everywhere. The more inconspicuous the trivial things are, the more parents need to know how to let go. The more they accumulate a sense of competence in small things, the more confident they will be. Maybe the children are not really able to do it, or even do it. Okay, but the inner feeling of believing that you can do well requires parents to take care of you. Don’t compare your children with others, just be yourself. As a mother, go to a class reunion. Many of your classmates are having fun. Shuiqi, when it comes to children, everyone has their own pride. Some children are ranked among the best in the school.Among the best, some children have won places in piano competitions, and some children can talk freely with foreigners at a young age… When my mother came home from attending a class reunion, she saw that child lying on the sofa watching cartoons with an innocent smile. A child is angry out of nowhere: \”I watch TV every day, but look at other people…\” I believe many parents can relate to this scene. Unconsciously, we use the rhythm of other people\’s children to plan the growth of our own children and measure the results of their growth. When I was young, I competed with others about their height, talent, literacy, and good grades; when I grow up, I competed with each other about houses, cars, earned more, and compared whose children can find a better partner… It seems that only Only when you win over others can you have confidence and peace of mind. Amidst the constant comparisons, many children felt sad. After many children reach adulthood, no matter how much they achieve, they always feel that it is not enough. They will overestimate themselves and their inferiority complex will be further deepened every time they compare with others. These seeds of inferiority were sown through unintentional comparisons between parents in their early stages. Because children learn how to evaluate themselves from their parents\’ evaluations, if there is a perfect reference object in their parents\’ evaluations, then the child who cannot meet the standards will only become more and more negative. Most feelings of inferiority stem from \”comparison.\” In order to raise a confident child, parents must know how to view their child\’s growth from a developmental perspective. The development of every life has its own growth rhythm and development speed. There is no need to demand that every child follow the same path and achieve the same excellence. There is a saying that goes well: A person always looks up to and admires the happiness of others. When he looks back, he finds that he is being looked up to and envied. In fact, everyone is happy. It\’s just that your happiness is often in the eyes of others. That imperfect child also brought us a lot of happiness. When you let go of your anxiety, you will find that every step of your child\’s growth process is rewarding. Only when you are confident in your child will your child\’s self-confidence sprout.