• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

How to love children is true love


Oct 1, 2023

A few days ago, I got together with my friends and talked about the adolescent children at home, and we couldn\’t help but feel a lot of emotion. When Cheng Zi was in the fifth or sixth grade, or even the first grade of junior high school, I felt the best about raising children. Because I had studied and grown for several years, accumulated a lot of theoretical and practical experience, and became more and more comfortable in dealing with children\’s problems. Although I was mentally prepared for the impending puberty, I did not expect that the lessons my parents would have to do would be so bitter and profound. In the past two years, Chengzi has had several behavioral deviations, and I have experienced several collapses in confidence as a result. I began to doubt myself: What went wrong with my previous education? If I\’m doing a good enough job, why do I still have this problem? There is also frustration: I teach parenting methods to others, but my own children also have problems, which is really a slap in the face. That feeling was really low and defeated. After a short period of depression, I would silently reflect and ponder, pick up the collapsed confidence bit by bit, and reintegrate it. I realized that if I had given a satisfactory answer to my previous parenting, now, as Orange entered adolescence, my homework had been upgraded. This time, it is not so much about learning how to discipline children as it is about facing yourself and encountering your deepest beliefs. The child\’s problem forced me to examine my inherent but unconscious beliefs. They were broken again and again, and integrated and rebuilt again and again. In this process of breaking and rebuilding, my heart has been tempered, becoming tougher, more truthful, and more surrendered. The following are three lessons I have faced in the past two years. Recommended must-read parenting books for parents: Jin Yunrong Love on the Left and Discipline on the Right pdf download I realized that no matter how good I am as a parent, my child has his own destiny. The past few years of parenting have given me a vague idea: as long as I do a good job, my child will be good, and there will be no deviation – the former directly determines the latter. So, I get frustrated when my child misbehaves. I ignored that the child is an independent person. The so-called independence means that it does not depend on my will. He has his own destiny and his own path to walk. No matter how well I do, I can\’t completely determine his future path – because he is not a product. It must be admitted that the influence of parents on their children is huge, but it is also limited. Especially as your children grow into adulthood, there will be more and more things beyond your control. The frustration reminds me: I am not omnipotent and I cannot control what he thinks or does. He is my child, and he is an independent person. There are boundaries between independent people. The older the child, the clearer this boundary becomes. Last semester, Chengzi was a little loose and impetuous, and it could be felt that his mind was not entirely devoted to studying. I had several long conversations with him. The most recent time, I told him: Why should we study hard? The stakes have been clearly explained to you. You can also see the difference between good schools and ordinary schools. As a parent, I will also do my duty. The rest is your business. If you get into an ordinary high school because of distraction, it doesn’t matter. As long as you want to learn, there are many possibilities in the future.sex. However, there will be some regrets – obviously it can be done, but it is not done. If you don\’t want to have such regrets, now is the time to make changes. If you need my help, I\’m always here. This is my attitude now: first of all, everyone has their own way to go. I will try my best to do what I should do, this is my business. As for the child\’s choice, that is his business. Secondly, no matter what the child chooses, I will do what a mother should do and provide him with support and help at any time. After understanding these two points, I felt much more at ease. I realized that a child is a real person, not a perfect person. When a child is young, in the eyes of his parents, he is almost crystal clear and as pure as an angel. Even if there are some small thoughts, it is easy to understand. But as the children grow up, they have their own secrets and a side that is unknown to their parents – just like every real person, there is a bright side and a shadow side. Can you accept such a child who has human weaknesses and makes mistakes? Cheng Zi made mistakes several times, which made me feel quite broken. I think how could he be like this? I think this is a flaw. But after the collapse, I slowly picked up the fragments scattered all over the place, picked them up piece by piece, and reassembled them. I found that the mistakes he made were just common problems among adolescent children, and there were no principled or substantive mistakes. The child is still a good child, and the fundamentals are good, but he did something wrong or went astray. How can I deny the whole person because of one or two things? The reason why I broke down was because I still regarded him as an innocent little boy in my heart and could not accept that he also had a shadow side. I have to accept that my kids have grown up. He\’s not a perfect person, just a normal person, a real person. If he were perfect, that would be unreal. In this way, broken again and again, integrated again and again, the orange in my heart changed from an innocent, ideal child to a real child with light and shadow, many beauties and flaws. A real person, isn\’t that what it is? A real world, isn’t it? I realized what true belief is. Not long ago, Orange made a somewhat serious mistake. After finishing the matter and saying everything that needed to be said, I felt that it was almost settled, so I went back to my room. Unexpectedly, after a while, Chengzi also came in and sat next to me. He wanted to say something but didn\’t know where to start. I thought about it and said, \”Chengzi, mom knows that you are a good child. Even if you make mistakes, mom still believes in you. You have always been a good child.\” Chengzi\’s tears suddenly welled up. I talked to him so much in the past hour or so, and although I could see that he was nervous, worried, and regretful, he didn\’t shed a single tear. Now this sentence made him break his guard instantly and burst into tears. I was also a little moved. I took Cheng Zi into my arms and stroked his head. At that moment, our hearts were touched. This incident gave me a deeper understanding of \”belief\”. What is believing? I don’t believe you are good until you do well. This is not true belief because it requiresAsk the other person to continually prove to you that he or she is worthy of being believed. This kind of belief is conditional and fragile, and can be broken at the first touch. If the other person didn\’t do well enough or made a mistake, would you still believe that he is good? True belief is that no matter whether the other person does good or bad, you believe that he has a good heart and beautiful nature. Just like the sky, there are sometimes dark clouds and heavy rain, but you know that above the thick clouds, the sun is always there. I think true belief is the ability to see the essence through behavior, and it is also a belief that is still willing to persist in adversity. Now, I am experiencing and practicing believing in my children. They say they believe in the power of belief. Even if I don’t have this power, I am still willing to believe it. As I write this, I really want to thank my son. He used his own growth to make me truly realize this, let me see my arrogance, let me choose between truth and perfection, and let me understand what It is true belief. Children in adolescence are undergoing psychological transformations again and again. As parents, why shouldn\’t this be the same? Children\’s problems prompt our beliefs to be broken and reborn again and again, making our love for children more stable and tenacious. Finally, I want to share a quote from a movie. \”Love Comes in Spring\” tells a story of love and faith. The male protagonist in the film has a devout faith and sings and prays to God alone in the wilderness every Sunday. One day, the family barn caught fire and everything inside was burned. The heroine asks the hero: Where is your God? You pray so devoutly, why do these things still happen? The male protagonist\’s answer is the highlight of the film. He said: \”The essence of God\’s love is not that he allows disasters to happen, but that he promises to always be by your side when disasters happen.\” This sentence made me Very touched. I think the love of parents is similar to this – the love of parents cannot guarantee that the child will not make mistakes or go astray, but when the child makes mistakes or goes astray, this love will always be by the child\’s side.

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