• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

I can’t help but get angry at my children, how to control my emotions


Oct 1, 2023

A mother said: \”Yesterday, I couldn\’t help but get angry at my child again. I told him to be serious and write correctly. But when I checked my homework, I saw that it was still uneven and crooked. I was so angry that the child I scolded her severely. I feel like it’s so difficult to educate my children. I can’t control my children and I can’t control my own emotions.” I understand this mother’s mood very well. In the process of raising children, there will always be countless maddening moments: when the children are disobedient and talk back; when they are dilly-dallying and not doing things well; when they are naughty and make mistakes…Parents The emotional fire is easily ignited. From a psychological perspective, in daily life, what affects our emotions is often not the event itself, but our reaction to it—that is, how we view it. The same is true in family education. How parents view these problems in their children\’s growth is more important than the problems themselves. Many times, parents can\’t help but get angry at their children and cannot control their emotions, precisely because they do not correctly and positively view their children\’s performance and problems during their growth. Understanding these two things can help you effectively control your emotions – for children to grow, it takes time to educate them. Parents often fall into some misunderstandings: telling children the truth will immediately understand and remember it; correcting a child\’s mistake will make him the next time You will definitely not do it again; teach your child how to do things, and he will be able to do it quickly and skillfully immediately… However, the fact is: some truths need to be \”inculcated\” repeatedly before children can remember them; some mistakes , children need to go through it several times and experience the consequences for themselves, so that children will learn lessons; some skills require repeated attempts and training before children can master them proficiently… In life, parents often think that their children are slow and dilatory, and they can\’t bear it. Don\’t get mad at your kids. This kind of anger and impatience largely comes from looking at children\’s problems with adult thinking, and even habitually asking children at an adult pace. It\’s like parents urging their children to get up and saying many times, \”If you wake up late, it\’s too late. If you are late, you will be criticized by the teacher.\” However, the child still stays in bed and lingers. Because for young children, their mental development and behavioral control abilities are insufficient. It takes a certain amount of time to accept, understand and practice the principles. This cannot be rushed. Understand this, parents can calm down, look at problems from the perspective of their children, and be more understanding and tolerant. A complete set of early childhood English teaching Jam Jam English Jam English Baidu Netdisk [Video + Audio + Intensive Reading + Lesson Plan] When a child spills water on the floor due to lack of ability, cannot hold things steadily, and always makes mistakes when doing questions, if you feel that the child If you are causing trouble for yourself or if your child is stupid, you will easily get angry. And if you can see the child who is trying to grow through constant trials and mistakes, you will feel that those problems are not mistakes and troubles, but opportunities for the child to grow. This reminds me of the story of Stephen Grey, a famous scientist in the medical field. In an interview, the reporter asked him why he is more creative than ordinary people. What is the magic that makes him extraordinary? His answer was surprising: \”This is the same as when I was a child.Something to do with my mother’s handling of what happened to me. \”One time Gray wanted to get a bottle of milk by himself from the refrigerator, but the bottle was too slippery and he couldn\’t hold it firmly, so it fell to the ground and the milk splashed all over the floor. When his mother saw it, she didn\’t criticize or punish him. She just said :\”Wow! The trouble you create is awesome! I have never seen such a big puddle of milk! Anyway, the bottle is broken. Do you want to play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up? \”After that, his mother guided him to try various ways to hold the bottle, and finally found the most reliable method together, and asked him to choose tools to clean up the stains on the floor. His mother\’s calmness and wisdom in treating him when he made mistakes made Stephen Gray grow up. Only by forming a character trait that is not afraid of making mistakes and failing can we continue to try experiments, learn from various mistakes, and ultimately achieve an outstanding life. Smart parents will not get angry with their children because they make mistakes or perform poorly. It is to regard it as an opportunity for the child to learn and grow, let the child experience and explore, and teach the child the correct method. Instead of getting angry, it is better to listen to what the child has to say and learn more about his inner thoughts; or give specific examples and Guidance, teaching children how to do it. In the picture book \”Ahu Enlightened\”, Ahu didn\’t know anything at first, he couldn\’t speak, he couldn\’t write, he couldn\’t draw… \”It\’s nothing!\” \”Ahu\’s mother said, \”Ahu just woke up a little late.\” She advised his father, \”Be patient. If you keep staring at him, he won\’t wake up.\” \”As time went by, one day, the time came. Ahu could speak, write, eat cleanly, and achieved real growth. Yes, it takes time for children to learn principles and exercise their abilities, as well as physical and mental development and maturity. Corresponding timing. Parents do what they should do, and the rest is just waiting for the flowers to bloom. When the time is right, you will naturally see the transformation of your children. Education is not achieved overnight. Sometimes, parents are prone to getting angry because their hearts are too strong. Anxious, everything is done too hastily. Under the slogan of \”Don\’t lose at the starting line\”, parents are gradually involved in the education competition, \”jumping ahead\” in advance, arranging various courses for their children starting from the age of 1, and starting kindergartens to learn elementary school courses in advance. Content: Primary schools learn junior high school courses in advance, and various training classes are held… When children do not perform as well as they expected, parents will have a huge sense of disappointment that their expectations have been disappointed, and then get angry at their children. As everyone knows, children are forced to How stressful and difficult it is to accept so many things that are not suitable for his age group. But parents ignore reality, immerse themselves in their own imagination and wishful planning, and constantly spur and blame their children. \”Guan Zi Quan\” \”Xiu\” has a saying: \”A ten-year plan is better than growing trees; a lifelong plan is better than cultivating people.\” \”Mr. Ye Shengtao, a famous educator, once said: \”Education is agriculture, not industry.\” Education is not achieved overnight and smooth, but a step-by-step, tortuous and long process. Educating children is like cultivating a seed. Rooting, germination, and growth require a suitable climate, environment, and soil. Proper intervention at the right time can help seeds grow healthily; pull out seedlings to encourage growth and ripening, are all harmful and unhelpful. The same is true for children. At each age, they have their own things to do. Different age groups have different corresponding education methods. In this seemingly \”slow\” process, children can fully feel and experience the world, think independently, and gain their own experiences. Whether it is character, personality or mental development, they will become healthier and more mature. Blindly pursuing speed and results without respecting the growth patterns of children will only backfire. Just like many children who have learned elementary school content in kindergarten, they will not be ahead for more than 2 months in the first grade. In the later stage, other children are not as motivated to learn, and they gradually reveal the disadvantage of \”jumping ahead\”. Many children who follow their parents’ plans of striving for first place, getting into prestigious schools, and only studying in their lives often feel confused and empty inside, unable to find the meaning of life. Some children seem to be excellent, but their minds are still in the infant stage and cannot think and deal with things independently and maturely. The famous educator Rousseau said: \”Nature wants children to be like children before they become adults. If we disrupt this order, it will cause some fruits to ripen prematurely, and they will be neither plump nor sweet, and will soon become Rotten.\” Parents need to be more rational, less blindly anxious and less competitive, and understand their children\’s physical and mental development patterns and when to do things. Leave enough time for the child to play, explore, and relax freely. Do not burden the child with pressure and expectations that exceed his ability to bear. Parents also need to be more patient, trust their children, and enjoy the ups and downs of accompanying their children as they grow up. There are moments of joy and joy, and there are also moments of making mistakes and being disobedient. Watching the children\’s changes and progress, and parents and children growing together, this whole process is the whole meaning of education. Being a patient parent means being willing to understand and tolerate your child from his perspective, and being willing to wait for your child and accompany him to grow up slowly. When your child makes a mistake, you know how to take the time to understand your child, listen to his voice, and share your feelings with him. Emotion, teach him how to solve problems and take responsibility instead of getting angry at him rudely; when the child tries to do things independently, be willing to give him time to make progress slowly, instead of criticizing him for not doing well enough or directly doing it for him; When a child encounters difficulties in learning, work with him to discover the problem and adjust his learning methods instead of scolding him for being stupid and blindly forcing him… Parents should understand the above two things and put their minds at ease. The mood will be more stable, and the child will be able to receive more appropriate and effective guidance.

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