• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

I know it\’s very annoying to talk to my children about their sorrows and sweet things, but how can I resist being so mean! ?

As a person with very clear childhood memories, Chengzi once swore that I would never remember the bitter and the sweet with my own children. Because my mother loved to do this when I was a child, and she would always tell stories about the bitterness and hatred she had when she was a child: her parents favored sons over daughters since she was a child. She started doing housework when she was four or five years old, carrying her younger siblings on her back when she was six, and carrying water and chopping firewood on weekdays. Feeding pigs, chickens, washing clothes and cooking…well, it\’s really pitiful. I shed tears of sympathy when I heard it at first…but I couldn\’t help but she kept doing it all over again. I almost memorized it, and it took a long time. , produced the effect of Mrs. Xianglin. Every time she started, I would already roll my eyes ten thousand times in my heart: Here it comes again, here it comes again, it will never end, how many times do I have to say it! ? You were very pitiful when you were a child, but it was not my fault. Why do you always tell me… The end result is that I, who was born with a bad mouth, actually invented a sentence that can silence my eloquent mother. Speechless words – Who asked you to give birth so early! This argument finally put an end to this extremely annoying topic for me. My personal experience has made me realize that as a parent, you really need to exercise restraint. No matter how tragic or inspirational those \”past things\” are, you only need to talk about them once or twice. Talking too much is really annoying… but if you come out to mess around , I always get slapped in the face. I don’t know why, but these days I always have a strong urge to reminisce about the sorrows and sweet things with my children. I can’t help it no matter how hard I endure it! The last time I couldn\’t hold it back was just two days ago. Isn\’t Guoguo sick and having a fever? I poured the antipyretic medicine for her and brought it to her, but the eldest lady looked disgusted and refused. An expression that makes me sick to the point of vomiting. I was really devastated by her attitude – this is a children\’s version of ibuprofen. It\’s just like concentrated syrup. Not to mention it\’s super sweet, and it\’s bubble gum flavored. The eldest lady still wants it. How about you! Do you know that when your mother was a child, the medicines she took were adult tablets or capsules. She couldn\’t swallow them, so she had to crush them and eat them. It was so painful that she wanted to spit her tongue out, but she still had to swallow it. have? ! Just so your grandma can say I\’m brave. Do you know that when your grandma was little, there was no medicine to take when she got sick? Is it okay to just leave it to fate? ! Your life is so perfect that even the medicine tastes sweet! Who are you to complain? ! The last time I remembered the bitterness and sweetness was with Mao Tou, a brat who grunted and complained in various ways about doing his homework. He procrastinated and dawdled. It took almost an hour to complete a 10-minute task, and I collapsed again. Do you know how easy homework is in Canadian schools? Read a thin book aloud every day, then draw a picture based on the content of the book, color it with five colors, and live together! How dare you call yourself homework? ! Isn’t this just for fun? When your mother was your age, she would write and write non-stop after coming home from school every day, until her fingers deformed, and she didn’t even have a minute to play! Your grandma was even worse when she was a child. She had to study in secret, and if an adult found out, she would be beaten for delaying her work. Your current environment is so relaxed, with teachers and parents surrounding you to serve you through education and entertainment. What qualifications do you have to despise homework? ! ! ! This kind of unbearable momentThere are really more and more: when these two living ancestors are picky about whether they can wear this or that, when they hate the food and vomit out, when they complain that they are bored but don’t want to play anything, and when they get angry and lose their temper for no reason. When I was yelling… my mouth was so itchy that I couldn\’t stand it, and I wanted to have a good talk with them. If your father and I were young, if we dared to do 30% of what you do now, our buttocks would have been spread open. Now that we are parents, not only can we not show off our authority, but we have to control our emotions to empathize, communicate, be gentle and firm with this naughty child like you, instead of slapping you in the ear to shut up. Do you know that you have saved a lot of money in your previous life? How much character? You have already enjoyed being children. There has never been a time when children could enjoy it as much as you do. Can you be more content with me? But as for the kids, they have no idea how good their reincarnation skills are, and they are still making noises! Generation after generation, it seems that there is always a cycle that starts over and over again. When I became a parent, I finally understood why my mother liked to remember the bitter and the sweet over and over again. Parents are very depressed. Why don\’t today\’s naughty children realize that the childhood life they are accustomed to, in the eyes of many people, is simply like heaven. Why can\’t they feel this kind of happiness? I have to admit that remembering the bitter and thinking of the sweet is ultimately wishful thinking as a parent. No matter how vivid and detailed your descriptions are, they are all pale and weak, and the children will not understand them no matter how many times they listen to them. Without personal experience of many things, it is impossible to know how they feel. How can overnourished children understand the hardship and helplessness of hunger?在爱与自由中成长起来的孩子,怎么能体会暴力下的痛苦和恐惧?难不成为了让孩子知道自己有多幸福,故意把他们饿半死或者暴揍一顿不成? This is very twisted… We spent the first half of our lives as parents working hard and thinking about raising a baby. Why? Is it to torture him and make him feel the suffering of the world? No one is so perverted, right? We all hope that the happiness we have experienced must be repeated twice as much by our children, and the hurt we suffered when we were young must not be passed on to the next generation! But on the one hand, we try our best to prevent our children from suffering, and on the other hand, we can\’t help but tell the story over and over again, expecting the children to understand those sufferings and sins. They are really diametrically opposed, and they are very sophisticated! Parents always like to reminisce about hardships and sweet things with their children, because there is a delusion: we try our best to give our children the best, and want to exchange this for more happiness and happiness for our children, but we always find that our children’s If happiness does not seem to be as much as expected, we will feel as if something is wrong. It can\’t be our fault because we gave it our all! That must be the child\’s fault. It must be that the child is too dissatisfied, which leads to him not feeling so much happiness! But in fact, the child is also very aggrieved: Guoguo hates taking medicine, and that is her true feeling, because she knows the difference between various \”sweetness\” and can taste the strange taste in medicine. Mao Tou hates the pressure of schoolwork, which is also a real feeling, because after all, he has neverThey have never suffered similar pressure before… They really have reasons to be unhappy. If they show their displeasure, what\’s wrong with that? Each generation has its own standards for judging a thing. This standard is summed up from their personal life experience. For example, the older generation who lived in an era when resources were scarce believed that frugality and reduced desires were virtues; but the new generation who grew up in an affluent environment will pay attention to the quality of life and are more willing to spend money to live their lives. a little better. Who is wrong with these two attitudes towards life? In fact, neither of them is wrong, only which one is more adaptable to the times and environment. Because the life experiences of different eras are very different, the standards of children and the standards of parents must be different. This is the so-called generation gap. We cannot forcefully use the moral kidnapping tool of \”remembering the bitter and thinking of the sweet\” to force children into the framework of our own standards. Maslow\’s hierarchy of needs theory points out that human needs are hierarchical. When humans satisfy lower-level needs, they will not be satisfied, but higher-level needs will emerge. ▲Look at this picture. The childhood of our previous generation should have been mostly trapped at the level of physiological needs. The childhood of our generation may have mostly stayed at the level of pursuing safety needs and belonging needs. But our children are destined to have a higher starting point than us. Their needs at the first three levels may have been met at a young age, so they have a strong self-awareness very early and hope to be respected by adults. There is even a need to realize self-worth! Therefore, our children are destined to be more picky, more pretentious, more sensitive, and need more attention than our generation. Because they live in a better environment than us, their needs are naturally higher than ours! Isn’t it our goal to let our children grow up in such an environment that is extremely rich in both material and spiritual matters? How can we use the method of “remembering the bitter and thinking of the sweet” to bring the children back to the level of low-level needs? Woolen cloth? This article is written for you and for myself. Next time we want to talk about the old calendar with our children, just take it easy and tell a story. Don’t compare your own standards with If values ​​are forcibly exported to children, the result must be tragedy: first, it is useless, and second, it is annoying. Our children are destined to have different thoughts and feelings from us. When they grow up, they will not repeat our trajectory and ultimately achieve a life that is completely different from ours! Therefore, it is better to give up and remember the sweet things with your children as soon as possible.

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