• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

I was reluctant to let my child suffer, but in the end, life was all given to him

A few days ago, a relative called and said he wanted to come and see the old man. Grandma is very happy. But he heard that the old man was not at his original place and had come to my house. Because the journey was a bit far, I had no choice but to give up. Grandma told me his story again. In fact, I have heard this story for many years. Back then, everyone said that grandma’s eldest sister had a good life, married a village cadre, and had a good family background. After giving birth to two daughters, she finally had a son. The whole family regarded the boy as their treasure. Afraid of him falling and knocking, the two sisters would not let him do anything. At that time, he should be the happiest child, for example, he could eat candy freely, like in a honey jar. Later, I stopped studying because of poor grades. His family refused to let him travel far away for fear of danger! So I just put it at home, under my nose, so I can rest assured. But when asked to learn something, he said it was too tiring. He learned carpentry and masonry, but he could not persist in either of them. In the end it was farming. My parents own the house anyway, and I got a wife after many setbacks. Live your life in peace and contentment. But now he is almost 50. Because of his poor health, he borrowed money to build a house and has to come to the provincial capital to work. The income from farming at home is not enough to cover one year\’s expenses. The old parents passed away one after another, leaving nothing at home. Several new houses were built with the help of the money and effort of my two sisters. But, what kind of job can he find at this time? A relative introduced him to a job as a hotel cleaner, but he heard that he couldn\’t take it, so he had no choice but to give up. Finally, I rented a room of several square meters in a place that was about to be demolished. Then I got up early in the morning to sweep the streets. The weather came and went, and I suffered a lot. I still remember one time when my aunt said, \”I really hurt my son. At that time, I just let him go out and do something. Now he is timid and incompetent, but what should I do?\” The old man was still crying when he said this. . Now the old man is gone, but he is really not doing well. I was reluctant to let my child suffer, but life finally gave it back to him. After becoming a parent, I found that I always unconsciously want to help my children with things. After washing his feet, the foot-washing water was sometimes poured for him. Sometimes he would sit on the edge of the bed and shout, \”Bring the slippers, bring the slippers.\” In order to rush for time, I took it to him again. Sometimes when I ask him to help with something, he will impatiently say: \”I\’m tired, I\’ll drink water first, and I need to go to the toilet.\” He always tries to find reasons to escape. Sometimes I think about it, it may not be the child’s fault. It’s that we don’t have a clear sense of boundaries with our children. We will see many situations like this: when a child accidentally falls, he will definitely get up by himself. But the adults quickly ran over and pulled him up. At this time, it is actually you who has invaded the child\’s space, and the parents have crossed the line, leaving the child no chance to do it independently. When your child is out of school, he should be carrying his schoolbag on his back, but you grab it and carry it yourself. At this time, your behavior will make the child take it for granted and fail to learn to take responsibility for it. Children\’s sense of boundaries is gradually lost and blurred in the \”care\” of their parents. I remember one time, a boy who was a middle school student in a relative\’s house lost his temper at his mother and said, \”Don\’t interfere with my affairs. I make my own decisions.\” But his mother said that in fact, the child\’s clothes,How can I take care of myself if I have never washed my shoes and socks? Parents feel that their children\’s affairs are their own, and they are used to taking care of things like this. Not only does it make the child lose the ability to be independent, but it also makes oneself entangled and painful. Everyone is responsible for their own life. This is something parents should pass on to their children early on. So sometimes when I see my son being lazy, I will say to him: \”Do you know why dad wants you to learn to work?\” \”I don\’t know.\” \”Because dad hopes you can have a better life in the future. For example, if you think about it Ah! When you have a baby, does your baby want you to cook for him?\” \”His mother will do it.\” \”Then his mother is not at home, or she has something to do. Do you just let your baby do it? Is the baby hungry?\” Then he started to think. Sometimes, I will tell him: \”When you grow up, you will live independently! So you need to exercise more now.\” \”I will not separate from you.\” The little guy will come close to him very worriedly. \”Of course, your parents will not separate from you, but you will also have your own little family, with your wife and baby. At that time, you will be a man just like your father!\” \”No separation!\” \”Okay. , we will always be by your side, but you have to work hard to learn what you should learn! You also have to find a job by yourself and support yourself!\” If you really love your children, you must let them understand that there is a relationship between themselves and their parents. Boundary. This boundary is not a gap in love, nor is it a barrier that hinders the parent-child relationship. It’s about respect and responsibility. Respect you as an independent individual and respect your choices and ideas. Teach children to take their own responsibilities without shirk or evasion. I once had a colleague who worked overtime and traveled everywhere since he gave birth to his son. Friends advised her to take care of her health and not work so hard. She said that no matter what, she should buy another house while she was young. Because I want to leave one set for my son. What is even more serious is that in rural areas, brothers compete for land to build houses, mostly because they want to prepare a house for their sons. There are also many people who borrow money from everywhere because their sons are getting married and are heavily in debt. If it is because the family does not have a house that the son cannot marry a wife, everyone will blame me for being incompetent rather than saying that the son is useless. After giving birth to a child, you have to buy him a house and a car, and pay for his wife. I think that\’s a bastard logic. This logic is full of love on the surface, but it is actually harmful. Raising children always requires a far-reaching plan, and often it is also a far-reaching plan for oneself. Parents cannot impose their unfulfilled life ideals on their children. But we must add fuel to our children\’s ideals. Teach children to face the hardships that life brings positively. How can you learn skills without some hardship? So my son came back from piano practice and said to me, \”Dad, my fingers hurt when I play hard.\” \”Is that so? I feel pain too, but after playing, it doesn\’t hurt anymore. When your strength increases, it will be better.\” La!\” I also played hard on the table, imitating his appearance. Of course, it’s still a small test now. I know that the days to really temper him are still very, very long. And I am committed to promoting children\’s reading and have contacted many parents. Parents who value reading basically share the same philosophy and affirm the role of reading in their children’s growth. But not heavyParents who don\’t want their children to read have their own excuses. For example, I am afraid that my children will have bad eyesight. For example, my child doesn’t like books, but he likes to play. For example, our children are already smart enough and there is no need to read. I have also seen a particularly weird reason: a mother said that her child\’s grandmother was unhappy when she saw her reading to her child, saying that doing so would increase the load on the child\’s brain and worry that the child would be tired. What kind of children will be raised in the end with such care? When Mao Yisheng summed up his life, he often said to his daughter: \”Life is a journey, which lasts for hundreds of years, and I have walked seventy-eight tenths of it. Looking back on the past, I can clearly see that there are more rugged than flat, and sometimes there are deep valleys. Fortunately, there are bridges to cross the sudden floods. What\’s the name of a bridge? It\’s called struggle.\” As a parent, you not only let your children feel your support and unconditional love, but you also need to have far-reaching wisdom to plan for them. Don\’t be afraid of hurting your children when you were young, because when you are old, all honors and money are fleeting, and an ineffective child is enough to make your later life bleak.

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