• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

Is it bad for a child to cry? It’s often the time to call for love

some days ago. I met a mother in a hurry to go shopping at the entrance of the supermarket. He was holding a little girl of two or three years old in his hand. When crossing the steps, the child fell because he could not keep up with the speed. Then he burst into tears. It must have hurt from the fall. \”You don\’t have any sense! Why do you cry when a child cries? You dropped it yourself.\” The mother accused the child fiercely. I saw the little girl getting up and chasing her mother, and I felt so sorry for her. Why don\’t you think about why children fall? Why not give a little comfort to the crying little girl. Even if you gently ask your child, \”Where does it hurt from the fall? Mom, take a look.\” With your care, the child will feel much better. Although the body hurts, it doesn\’t hurt in the heart. Some mothers said that you have to be fierce, otherwise you will cry endlessly. Is that really the case? When the little fish eats, they often accidentally bite their own lips. Every time I cry, tears fall down. \”It\’s okay, it\’s okay!\” If you say this, he will continue to cry. Because he thinks you are just trying to deal with him, he will cry to fight against you. Use cries to express to you that you need attention. \”Come, dad, take a look.\” I told him, and then looked at his lips. \”There are really blood marks, it must be very painful, oh! Dad bites me sometimes, and it really hurts. I know the pain, but after a while, it won\’t hurt so much.\” Although he was still unhappy with the pain, he No more noise. Because he knows you are serious and care about his situation and understand his feelings. What if it can\’t be done? Many children will really cry endlessly. Because of language and age restrictions, children are often unable to fully express their feelings and describe their emotions. Often the only way to express one\’s needs is through crying, an ability that has been present since infancy. At this time, what they need is not scolding, scolding or even beating and punishment from their parents. What they need is acceptance and encouragement from their parents. Because when a child cries, it is often a time to call for love. Losing control of emotions is the only way for children\’s psychological development. When they face rejection, a sudden change of plans (asking them to do something they don\’t like), or they feel ignored (for example, you don\’t listen when you talk), they will yell or even throw things. Stuff, the boys will even pick on you and hit you. At this time, you still want to use reason to talk to your children? I think the results are often not ideal. At this time, the child may be waiting for your apology (for example, sometimes the original plan or commitment is changed due to adults, but don\’t give in easily because the child is crying.) You can also patiently explain to the child why this situation occurs. Moreover, when your child cries, you can also try giving him a hug. Nelson\’s book \”Positive Discipline\” mentions a story: A young father was deeply frustrated and troubled by his 4-year-old son\’s sudden tantrums. Rebuke and punishment only make it worse. This dad learned that a misbehaving child is a disappointed child and that encouragement is the best way to deal with bad behavior. From this dad\’s point of view, it seems a bit like rewarding bad behavior. However, he decided to give it a try. when his little one suddenlyDuring the tantrum, the father got down on one knee and yelled to his child, \”I need a hug!\” The child was stunned, sobbing and asked, \”What?\” The father shouted again, \”I need a hug!\” Hug!\” His son stopped sobbing for a long time before asking in disbelief: \”Now?\” The father said: \”Yes, now!\” The son looked completely confused, but he stopped crying and felt a little uncomfortable. He reluctantly said: \”Okay.\” Then, he stiffly gave his father a hug. Soon the stiffness disappeared and father and son melted into each other\’s arms. After a while, the father said: \”Thank you, this is exactly what I need.\” The son\’s lips trembled slightly and said: \”Me too.\” I have always believed in the power of hugs. Every time Xiao Xiaoyu loses his temper, as long as it is not a matter of principle, I will try my best to squat down and pick him up. Most of the time, he would slowly calm down in my arms. Some mothers said that this method does not work for their children. Because children are not allowed to be held when they have a tantrum. It’s true that every child behaves differently when they have a tantrum. But no matter what, children will always long for reconciliation with their parents. And when the child resists violently or is unwilling to get close to his parents. There must be a reason. Some parents say that their children are too stubborn. Some parents say that their children are looking for trouble on their own. But he didn\’t reflect on his behavior. Sometimes, it is true that the adults did something wrong, but they still blame the child for crying. One mother said, \”Whenever I spank a child, especially when I hit her hard, I feel extremely bad. I see the child huddled in a corner, very helpless, crying silently, and when I see this child who is usually so cute, He is far from able to compete with me in terms of physical strength and intelligence. Just because he studies, he has to endure psychological and physical torture. I feel pity, regret, distress, and complicated emotions. I obviously love deeply, but I can’t stop It hurts.” Why do we always lose our temper with the people closest to us? Is it easy to forgive when the person closest to you is hurt, and is the cost of hurting very low? So I was hurt again and again, and regretted again and again. In the parent-child relationship, parents\’ emotional instability is the most harmful to their children. The prerequisite for accepting children\’s emotions is that parents can adjust their own emotions. You will find that according to the rules set by many parents, children cannot cry. Because crying is bad behavior. Because crying makes adults feel uncomfortable. The latter reason is even greater. I used to get very angry when I saw the little fish. Why should I cry when everything is fine? Can crying solve problems? Why are you crying! Sometimes I say, don\’t cry, I\’m annoyed. But why am I upset? According to psychology, every adult has three versions of himself: parent, adult and child. When we hold our babies affectionately and watch them sleep peacefully, we feel very satisfied and feel that we can give anything to this little guy in front of us. After all, he was brought into the world by us, and we need to give them selfless support. Love with all your heart. At this time, we are parents who love our children just as our parents loved us back then. Children are also goodCoincidentally, the parent-child relationship will be very close at this time. When we face danger, we can always handle it calmly, give our children some life guidance and suggestions, arrange their food, clothing, housing and transportation, and share our life experiences with our children. At this time, we are adults, and this is what we do The most basic way to interact with people. The parent-child relationship at this stage will be very harmonious. But when we are ignited by our children\’s behavior, we become anxious and often unable to control our emotions, just like when we were children, we cried when we were criticized and acted violently when we were rejected. Then there will be a sense of frustration in the heart, and a feeling of helpless failure. Therefore, parents will feel nervous, repulsive, and disgusted with their children\’s crying, which will lead to irrational behavior and impulsiveness, and the parent-child relationship will become tense. It\’s like a machine being turned on. A child\’s cry activates their emotional monster. If parents themselves are anxious or busy at that time or point, they are more likely to lose control. We often use yelling and scolding to vent our emotions, shock our children, and require them to follow our requirements, because we no longer have the patience to talk to our children properly. I just want to get rid of this out-of-control situation as soon as possible and put the child on a normal track as soon as possible. At this time, the \”child clone\” in our hearts emerges. It can be said that most of our irritable states are controlled by the child clone of ourselves. As parents, no matter how much we love our children, we cannot let our children receive love if they are always controlled by bad temper. Everyone is eager to be understood and loved, especially those boys who seem careless and need the patient guidance and acceptance of their parents. Emotional peace and stability will bring about a healthy parent-child relationship, and we will have the opportunity to enter the mysterious and rich inner world of our children.

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