How difficult are boys to raise? I went back to my hometown a while ago and had a party with three or five of my school friends. After three rounds of drinks, when the conversation was about to end, someone suddenly said: Let’s chat a little longer. I really don’t want to go home and face my son. , I am getting mad at him day by day. This seemingly ordinary sentence immediately set off a small climax in the dinner. Several mothers of boys started complaining mode: some complained about their sons\’ dillydallying. Every morning, the alarm clock rang over and over again, and the old mother roared until smoke came out of her throat. But what about the son? He can still be selectively deaf, daze for a while, daydream for a while, and play with his toys. Then when my mother wasn\’t paying attention, she fell down on the bed. Some complained about their son\’s lack of expression. Even though the old mother\’s face had turned from white to red, and then from red to green, the little boy beside her was still jumping up and down and talking nonsense without changing her expression. Others describe their son as a demon king. Every day he is either rummaging through boxes and cabinets or going to the house to uncover tiles, and he is about to go to heaven every minute. Hit him, it will hurt your heart. If you hit the table, you will break your bones. In the end, the angry old mother could only endure the ovarian cyst for a while and step back from breast hyperplasia. By the end of the conversation, the boys’ mothers wanted to hold their heads together and cry. In fact, there are no children who cannot teach well in this world, only parents who cannot teach them well. There is a saying that goes well: It is not terrible for children to have problems. What is terrible is that parents, who are the guides of their children\’s lives, lack correct concepts and methods of parenting. As the child grows, if the mother can correctly apply the following 4 golden educational rules, she will definitely find the most correct way to raise a boy. In the process of fighting wits and courage between the laws of natural punishment and their sons, many parents have discovered that boys are always \”unsatisfied\”: urging him, yelling at him, and threatening him are all to no avail. Even sometimes, if you scold or beat him severely, he will do it again next time. In fact, it is not because the boy wants to deliberately anger his parents. But because boys\’ \”serotonin\” levels are about 52% higher than girls, boys look more heartless and are more likely to forget punishments. When faced with boys who refuse to change despite repeated admonitions, it is more important to make them realize their mistakes than to severely punish them. As the French Enlightenment thinker Rousseau said: The punishment a child suffers should be the natural result of his fault. I recently saw a piece of news: A 6-year-old boy, because his mother stopped him from playing with his mobile phone, became angry and threatened to eat 100 ice creams and freeze himself to death, making his mother regret it. After hearing this, his mother did not reason with him or scold him. Instead, he actually bought 100 ice creams for his son. In order to be angry with his mother, the boy immediately ate three of them, but he couldn\’t eat the fourth one. For this reason, the boy broke down and cried, asking his mother: Am I your biological child? The mother seemed to have anticipated such a situation and calmly asked her son: So am I your biological mother? You\’re going to piss me off. After crying with her son for a while, the mother gently told him that he would never threaten his parents like this again. The boy was no longer as stubborn as he was at the beginning, but nodded solemnly. I believe that after this incident, the boy will never risk his life easily again. Compared with empty preaching and violent beatings and scoldings, and letting the boy taste the bitter consequences of \”self-inflicted\”, the lesson he learned is more profound. For example, if a son is bedridden and almost late, no matter how many times his mother urges him, it is better to let him be late once and accept the teacher\’s criticism honestly. For another example, in the coldest month of winter, my son was unwilling to wear cotton-padded clothes. No matter how sternly his mother warned him, it would be better to let him suffer the cold for a while. When he can\’t stand the biting cold wind anymore, he will naturally change into warm clothes. If you don’t want the boy to have heard a lot of truths but still not live a good life, then let him face it, experience it, correct it, and grow by himself. Only when he personally tastes the pain of punishment, will the pits he stepped on in the past become the road he will step on in the future. When Rapoport\’s Law conflicts with their mother, girls and boys often behave in completely different ways. [A collection of authoritative parenting books] Classic book Early Childhood Education and Genius Original PDF A six or seven-year-old little girl can usually express her own opinions clearly and communicate with her mother back and forth. Eventually, a consensus was reached. But a boy of about the same age will often just cry and howl. No matter what his mother says, he will just say \”bad mother\” over and over again, and at most he will add \”I don\’t want it.\” In fact, this is because girls\’ Broca\’s area in the brain is usually more active, and accordingly, their language expression and understanding abilities are stronger. If a mother of a boy wants her son who was born with a late awakening to be obedient, she must learn the \”Rapoport\’s Law\” proposed by the world-renowned game theory expert Rapoport: The first step is to repeat the child\’s point of view. Let the child realize that we have understood his or her thoughts; the second step is to present the parts of the child\’s point of view that we agree with so that the child feels understood; the third step is to tell the child what we have learned from their point of view and let the child Understand that we are not enemies, but teammates who are in the same camp as them; the fourth step is to raise opposing views and give sufficient reasons. I remember one time when I was eating out, I witnessed a \”textbook-style\” mother-child communication. The restaurant has a very good environment, with a rockery, a small bridge, and a few goldfish in the water. When a little boy saw it, he squatted on the ground and fished for fish with his hands. When he found that he couldn\’t fish, he went to his mother: Mom, help me fish for goldfish. His mother did not criticize him, but squatted down and said softly: \”Does Xuanxuan want a little goldfish?\” (Retelling the point of view) Because you saw the cute little goldfish, you want it to go home with you, right? (Expressing understanding) Mom also thinks the little goldfish is cute and wants to stay with it for a while. (Standing on the same side as the child) But Xuanxuan, look, the little goldfish also has a mother and father. If you take it away, it will be very lonely, and its parents will be sad. (Raise objections and give reasons) What will happen if Xuanxuan leaves his parents? The boy thought for a while and said to the goldfish: Goodbye, little goldfish, be obedient when you are with your parents. Then he took his mother\’s hand and left. During the whole process, the mother did not yell loudly, and the son did not cry annoyingly. When faced with a boy who is not good at words, mothers must pay attention to their communication methods. Once the method is right,With enough retelling, understanding, and recognition, even the inexperienced boy can turn into a sensible and docile little cotton-padded jacket. You can often see messages like this in the background of Nanfeng Law: What should I do? I feel that since my son entered adolescence, he has become a \”powder keg\” that explodes at the slightest disagreement. And the more you control him, the more rebellious he becomes. Research has found that compared to girls, boys\’ brains develop more slowly in their prefrontal lobes and are more likely to be impulsive. Coupled with the effect of testosterone, they are like natural warriors. If parents confront them head-on at this time, both sides will suffer in the end. Just like a classic fable: the north wind and the south wind make a bet to see who is stronger and can take off the coat of a pedestrian. The stronger the north wind blows, the tighter the pedestrians wrap their clothes around; while the south wind blows slowly, making people feel like a spring breeze, and finally, the pedestrians take off their coats on their own initiative. The world\’s best-selling parenting book recommendation: You are your child\’s best toy pdf + mp3 When it comes to raising boys, the \”South Wind Law\” also works: If parents think about how to suppress and control their children all day long, they will become a fable. \”North Wind\”, the final result is that the children become more and more rebellious. In a program, Deng Chao talked about his adolescence. As a teenager, he was once synonymous with rebellion. He pierced his ears, dyed his hair, ran away from home, and always opposed his parents. When his parents saw Deng Chao like this, they wanted to \”wake up\” their son. Once, because his parents beat him again, Deng Chao ran away from home in anger and ran to Guangzhou alone. Seeing that their son was missing, his parents were so anxious that they could not sleep all night. For this reason, his parents were determined to change their previous education methods. Seeing that Deng Chao liked acting, they actively encouraged him to pass the opera exam: \”Try it, what if you have bad luck?\” \”If not, let\’s go around Beijing and see the Great Wall. Go!\” In this way, his parents won their son\’s heart again, and Deng Chao also walked away from the lost path of youth. Every boy will eventually become a mature, rational, and strong man, provided that he is never suppressed by a stormy education. A calm and gentle attitude works wonders for adolescent boys. The Twenty-Year Rule There is a famous education rule in the United States, the Twenty-Year Rule. Among them, \”twenty yards\” is a symbol, which means that parents and children should maintain a certain distance, protect the child\’s privacy, and cultivate the child\’s independence and autonomy. If there are boys in the family, parents must know how to maintain a moderate sense of boundaries. I once saw a netizen post telling his story: Ever since I was a child, my mother and the netizen have always been \”close and intimate.\” In life, his mother took care of him in every detail. Even though he was already in junior high school, her mother would help him squeeze out toothpaste and tie his shoelaces every day. Until the netizen graduated from college, his mother did not let him cook a meal. But at the same time, his mother never left him mentally. Image source: TV series \”Your Child is Not Your Child\” When I was in elementary school, my mother installed several cameras at home, and every move of netizens was monitored by her. At home, his mother never allowed him to lock the door. Even the lock on the bathroom was removed by my mother. More than 20 years later, a netizen who grew up surrounded by maternal love said of himself: Although I have grown up physically, I am still young in my heart.I\’m a baby – I don\’t know how to do housework, every friend around me is not chosen by myself, and my mother helped me find a job. Even the ideas in my head were instilled in me by my mother. But in fact, a mother who doesn’t understand boundaries will never be able to raise promising children. As psychologist Claire said: All the love in the world is for reunion, and there is only one kind of love for separation, and that is the love of parents for their children. There is a seed buried in every child, and only the parents leave enough space for it. One day, this seed will grow into a towering tree. A parenting blogger once said: Life is like a box of chocolates, but the one given to the boy’s mother is a box of dark chocolates, 100% of the kind, bitter and astringent. But don’t be afraid. You won’t gain weight after eating Heiqiao, and you can also exercise your will and quality. For moms of boys, our journey is always a journey of stars and sea. All you can do is understand, empathize and let go, plus a little bit of knowledge and methods, recognize your own limitations, and constantly improve yourself. Educate boys in a more scientific and appropriate way. Recommended classic parenting book: Zheng Yefu\’s Educational Pathology in Our Country pdf download. Only in this way can our boys emerge from their cocoons and become butterflies and be born towards the sun. May mothers of boys have a long and bright road ahead.