• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

It is better to give your children loving company than gold and silver.

Not long ago, I was chatting with a friend I hadn\’t contacted for a long time. She said that she would go back to her hometown recently because her son was about to take the high school entrance examination and she wanted to go back to spend time with him. After ten years of poverty, when facing a turning point in life, the company and encouragement of parents are particularly important. After a journey of more than a thousand kilometers, I wish my friend a safe journey and hope that her child will go well in the exam. The next night, while I was writing an article, my friend suddenly called me. I asked her if she had set off, and she said it would be two days away, and she was in a bad mood and wanted to talk to me. During the day, she received a call from her son\’s class teacher. The class teacher was very angry and said that the high school entrance examination would be in a few days. Not only did her son not study well, but he disappeared all day and went to the Internet cafe to play games. Finally, the head teacher said sadly: \”You parents don\’t take care of your children after they are born, leaving them to your grandparents. You only care about making money. No matter how much money you make, what\’s the point of the child being useless?\” A friend said, when the teacher heard that The last words she said made her burst into tears. Yes, what\’s the point? The couple now runs a large-scale shop, making a lot of money, and providing their children with the best food, clothing and play, but they lack companionship. From the time their son was two years old, they put him in their hometown and were raised by his grandparents. They went out to do business for more than ten years. Because they are away from home all year round, they cannot understand their children\’s thoughts, cannot communicate in time when there are problems, and are not with their children when they need them most. This leads to children not having deep feelings for them, or even being indifferent. What makes them even more sad is that due to the lack of family warmth, children like to make friends outside, and inevitably there are bad friends among them. Under the bad influence, he gradually became devoid of pursuits, learned and had no skills, started fighting and making troubles, learned to smoke and drink, skipped classes, and his grades were a mess. \”I feel sad and regretful. Unfortunately, there is no regret medicine in this world. I don\’t know what he will do in the future. He will definitely not pass the high school entrance examination. We suggested that he study a technical school to specialize. He is not happy either. He is obsessed with games now. , I just want to stay in the Internet cafe, I just want to hang out with those gangsters. I\’m anxious! What do you think I should do?\” Yes, what should I do? When encountering such a situation, we all hope there is a way, preferably an immediate way, to bring the child back on the right path. We all hope that our children will become adults and that the whole society will be useful talents. An anxious parent once left me a message asking for my help. After seeing the child\’s condition, I was also very anxious. Although I was busy moving those days, I kept communicating with the parent through voice, hoping to give him even a little bit of help or comfort. His son, who was in junior high school, refused to go to school because of poor grades. He spent three days fishing and two days drying nets. Later, he simply dropped out of school and stayed home. He stays at home every day, does not communicate with others, and is taciturn, which is worrying. This situation is indeed serious. Regardless of whether a person goes to school or not, he must have something serious to do and be in contact with society in order to maintain a healthy and positive attitude. Otherwise, if you stay behind closed doors and don\’t hear what\’s going on outside the window, and over time, you will have random thoughts, you are likely to become depressed and suffer from physical and mental problems. After in-depth conversations, I learned that childrenMy parents don\’t have a good relationship. They have been quarreling for many years and even wanted to divorce. They neglected to educate and care for their children. During the growth process of their children, they did not receive the love and warmth they deserved. What they felt was not safety, but the fear of not knowing what to do. The child is introverted and sensitive. If he is laughed at by his classmates or criticized by the teacher, he will not go to school. This is the crux of the problem. Although they have been by the child\’s side, they have not provided high-quality companionship. What they have given to the child is not love, but harm. What children need is not only companionship, but more importantly, love. Loving companionship is not just about being together every day in form, but also about understanding the child\’s inner needs and making him feel safe, satisfied, and happy. Children who grow up in love will be full of sunshine in their hearts, full of hope for the future, and actively pursue and grasp the direction of life. I have received similar complaints and requests for help countless times. I feel heartbroken after hearing this, but unfortunately, there is really nothing I can do to help. If the child is still young, you can also give some constructive suggestions, because everything is still late and there is still plasticity. As for adolescent children, after they have passed the critical period of growth, no matter how much they say or do, the effect will be minimal, and it can even be said to be ineffective. Unless they themselves can suddenly wake up, resolve to change, and catch up, it will be difficult to rely solely on external persuasion and education. I deeply understand and sympathize with the pain of these parents, and at the same time, I am very grateful for the decision I made. We have left our son in our hometown since he was six months old. Three years later, we made up our minds to take him with us and let him go to school here. When we first took it over, he was very indifferent to our feelings, ignored us, and did not communicate with us. He is introverted, stubborn, unhappy, doesn\’t like playing with children, gets angry at every turn, and is not popular. I\’m so anxious! It’s so uncomfortable! I vowed to love him with all my strength, to grow with him, and to make him a happy person with good character. I hold his little hand and take him to school; at night, I tell him stories and watch him fall asleep; on holidays, we take him to the amusement park and play crazy with him… Day after day, month after month, his Finally, a smile gradually appeared on his face, and he began to be willing to share interesting stories about kindergarten with us… After three years and a thousand days and nights, when he graduated from kindergarten, his personality finally became cheerful and lively, and he also had good friends. . Now that he is in elementary school, he has more academic pressure and minor worries in life. I stayed with him all the time, listening patiently, actively guiding him, and telling him some principles of life. I encouraged him to be brave and strong, and told him that no matter what time, his parents would always love him and be his strong backing, so he should not have any fear. Now, he is about to graduate from elementary school in one year, and he has gradually developed some characteristics of adolescent children. Although he sometimes talks back to us and has some minor shortcomings, overall, he is pretty good and we basically don’t have to worry about him. He is upright and kind, has his own ideals and ambitions, serves as the monitor of the class, is at the forefront of his grades, plays for the school basketball team, has a wide range of hobbies, has developed comprehensively, and has a very close relationship with us. Looking at my son now and thinking about him back then, I feel really emotional, happy and gratified. can not imagine, if he continues to be left in his hometown, what will happen to his personality, what will be like to our parent-child relationship, and what will happen to his life… Some surveys show that without the company of parents, children will be anxious about the current situation. , that is, the \”discomfort level\” will suddenly increase, which will have an adverse impact on physical and mental health in the future. According to survey data, as long as parents maintain close contact and good interaction with their children, their children\’s \”irritability\” will decrease significantly. Many parents, in order to make a living and make a fortune, travel far away from home, leaving their children with the elderly at home or fostering them with relatives. Parents only want to make money and shoulder the financial burden, but they do not expect that paranoid personality, frustrated personality, and rebellious personality can easily arise in a growing environment where parents are away from their parents for a long time. Some parents, although they are around their children, do not give their children the love they need and fail to fulfill their educational responsibilities. They are still incompetent. If parents cannot raise physically and mentally healthy children, they will not be happy even if they have gold and silver. What children need is nothing more than a home full of laughter and laughter, and a happy childhood where they can leave beautiful memories. A child who does not lack love is bound to be healthy physically and mentally and thrive.

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