\”Learning is the child\’s, not mine.\” Learning is the child\’s, not mine. This sentence does not mean that parents don\’t have to care about anything. Children can learn whatever they like, or forget about it if they don\’t. But essentially, it is the child\’s own responsibility to learn. As long as parents know from the sidelines, when they understand that their children are having difficulties, they can find ways to help them, but not take the initiative to replace them. This is especially like bringing up a new person in the workplace. At the beginning, this person does not understand many things, may make mistakes many times, and may not even be responsible for the results. The leader must bear responsibility for things. But leaders must understand that leading new people means teaching them methods little by little, so that they can think and handle work more and more independently, from simple things to complex things. Finally, the newcomer can work independently. The relationship of \”study, children, parents\” is very similar to \”work, newcomers, leaders\”. However, due to some external pressure, parents can easily take over their children\’s responsibilities. Gradually, children will feel like this: because my parents like me to study well, that\’s why I study. I study for my parents. Therefore, when parents help their children to study too much, the children do not feel that the parents are helping them, because \”this is not my business\”, and the child\’s independence is destroyed. Parents should first remember this sentence, experience it in daily behaviors, and see whether you regard your child\’s learning as your own business or your child\’s business. \”A family that drags its children to grow up can only end in tragedy.\” Gradually letting go is the cultivation of parents, and parents should be more open-minded. The older a child gets, the more he or she needs independent space, which is in line with the psychological development characteristics of a person as he or she grows up to be independent and mature. Many times it is parents who feel they cannot live without their children, especially mothers. In recent years, there have been many tragic stories in the news media about children hurting their parents. The reason is that the children have grown up and their parents have not learned to let go. If the timeline is extended a little longer, the parents of these families have never Give children a sense of independence. If you and your child do something together, the full score is 10 points, and you can help the child to achieve 9 points, then you can estimate that if the child can achieve 6 points or even 5 points on his own, you can do this. Let go and let the child do it themselves. \”Be friends with your children, don\’t yell at them.\” Being friends with your children doesn\’t mean that your children can yell at you. It means that you respect the child and don\’t yell at him. Parents are companions to their children\’s growth, not controllers. Accompanying is when you watch your children and let them grow up independently and become themselves. And control is like you and your child being tied together. The child wants to go left and you want to go right. As a result, you feel exhausted while moving forward and it is difficult to move a few steps. \”There is a hidden meaning behind children\’s innocent talk.\” When children suddenly make some adult-like remarks, we usually treat them as a joke. For example, my 10-year-old nephew once said seriously: Oh, I will get married early in the future and let my grandma have a great-grandson. When a child says these words, we find it funny. What a childish thing. We tend to think of these as childlike \”silly words.\” But when we asked one more question, we found that the nephew was worried that grandma was getting older.Will leave him. During our chat, he knew that grandma really wanted to \”hold grandsons\”, so he wanted to make grandma happy. Hearing his understanding warmed our hearts. Children are very innocent. If we make fun of him, it\’s like you bought a gift for your partner with good intentions, but your partner said it was too ugly and I didn\’t like it. This hurt him. \”Ordinary life is the best opportunity for frustration education. You don\’t have to go to difficult places.\” Some parents think that frustration education is very good, so they want to take their children to experience the hard life in rural areas. They feel that this can make their children feel suffering and cultivate His ability to withstand frustration. In fact, opportunities for frustration education exist in our daily lives, every day. For example, if a child writes erratically, the parent becomes angry and wipes the homework hard, causing the child\’s homework to break. The child felt wronged and cried. For children, this means that they always fail to achieve their goals as a result of their own efforts. If this is the case, what should the children do? For a child of this age, this is quite a setback. Another example is if the parents fail to do what they promised their children, and the children are unwilling. The child\’s mentality and way of dealing with this matter is almost equivalent to his acceptance as an adult when others fail to keep their promises. This also determines whether he can come up with an appropriate solution, whether to complain about others, or to feel aggrieved. Own? A sense of failure, no sense of accomplishment, no confidence in oneself, not daring to try new things, timidity, frustration, guilt, guilt, shame, complaint, resentment, grievance, small things that cause these emotions occur every day in life. For example: I accidentally broke a vase at home, and felt sad and was scolded; I participated in activities with full confidence, but performed poorly; it was not my fault, but I was blamed inexplicably… When such setbacks appear in children\’s lives How would you guide your children in middle school? This is the best opportunity for frustration education. \”My children are my alternative mentors.\” Many parents, when they find that getting along with their children becomes easier and easier, they will find that it is themselves who have changed. Their mentality has become calmer and more open. Things that used to cause problems now become None of it is a problem. At first, you want to change your child and feel that your child\’s behavior is not good. Gradually, you find that the most effective way to change your child is to change yourself first. When you change, your relationship with your child will naturally change. This was called Problems no longer exist. Children will gradually remind you of your little self. It turns out that many of children’s problems are their own problems. \”Don\’t pursue perfection, do what you can do at the moment, and let the results come naturally.\” We are not perfect. Children are not perfect, we parents are not perfect ourselves, and our parents are not perfect either. Children have limitations as children, we have limitations at our current stage, and parents have limitations of their parents’ era. These limitations are not easy to break through. It is impossible for children to become five-good students all of a sudden, and it is impossible for parents to become three-good parents all of a sudden. But this does not mean that we should give up: it is too difficult anyway, so just give up. I remember I posted a similar article before, and a parent left a message to the effect of this’s: I think what you said is very good, but it is very difficult to do it. Many times I can’t even do it myself, let alone teach my children. My reply: So many times it is our children who give us the opportunity and motivation to change. Let’s start with what we can do at the moment, such as trying not to get angry for a day and patiently listening to our children. If you lose perseverance, think about when your child faces the same situation, do you want him to continue or give up? This thought will give you strength.