• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

It was only in my tenth year as a mother that I understood these 5 words

Over the years, I have written so many parenting articles, and I have some random sentences in my mind. I always like to write them again and again. I don’t know if parents will get tired of them. Parenting means raising oneself, which is one of my favorite sentences to write. I was reading a book a few days ago, and suddenly I was stunned. A question flashed in my mind, what exactly is \”raising children means raising yourself\”? I look at Xiao Pai, who is getting older and is almost 10 years old. Every move, gesture, mouth, and look in his eyes are becoming more and more like me. I can’t help feeling that being a mother is really a journey of walking on thin ice. If you don’t want your children to be like that, don’t be like that yourself. Our shadows will unconsciously become the direction in which our children run. That\’s why there are so many girls who were once young and naive. After becoming mothers, the word \”maturity\” is approaching with steel-like steps, and no one can get around it. Friends who are not familiar with me always exclaim when they see me: \”Ah, Xiaoli, you are so amazing. You can take care of three children while working as a public accountant. You are really a born mother.\” I can only Smiling awkwardly: \”Those are the years when I was a new mother before you saw me.\” When Xiaopai was young, my parenting thinking was stuck on her for a long time. I was always thinking about how to correct her bad habits and break the rules, how to change her. The only thing that didn\’t worry me too much was her reading habit. When she was one year and eight months old, she could tell \”The Smell of the Moon\” in its entirety while pointing with her fingers. The biggest reason behind this must be because I love reading. After becoming a mother, I came across children’s picture books and fell in love with them even more deeply and passionately. I just bought a picture book. It only has a dozen pages. I can read it over and over again with gusto, and my eyes are filled with light. In fact, my \”bookworm\” temperament comes from my dad. Although he never interfered with my study, my impression of him was that he was always reading a book. My dad only had an elementary school education. His family was originally a middle or rich peasant, but due to the times, he was forced to drop out of school in the fifth grade. He just reads and studies by himself, and he reads all kinds of books. When I was young, my family was poor, and my father was also very frugal, but he was very willing to buy books. In the 1990s, when college students were still as valuable as gold, he took the adult self-study examination and obtained a college diploma in law. Looking back, my dad never told me to study hard, but the way he looked at his face while reading seriously has been deeply engraved in my mind. The power of teaching by example is far greater than words. Only when we want to do something from the heart, and that full mental state, is it easy for children to learn. Sometimes we are dissatisfied with some of the shortcomings of our children, and we preach, accuse, and abuse them to express our disapproval. But if we think about it carefully, some of the shortcomings may have been brought to our children by us. Not accepting those shortcomings is actually not accepting yourself. But if we don’t change the original, how can we change the copy? When we begin to learn to sincerely change ourselves, we are already on the path of \”nurturing children means educating ourselves.\” Children are our mirrors, reflecting the sunshine for us and highlighting the beauty of our transformation. Changeable, like a path from the broad plains into the forestQuiet road. I gradually discovered that children always easily touch the hidden pain in my heart. The pain makes me jump up and open my teeth, but I don’t know where I am hurt. So I went to explore myself, where I came from, and why I became who I am today. My child took me back to that young and fragile starting point. When Xiaopai and I had quarrels before, we always started the confrontation with a cold war. I kept a straight face, said nothing, held my head high, and deliberately didn\’t look at her. My eyes were full of indifference. Xiaopai is very afraid of me like this. If I can\’t hold on for long, she will cry in aggrievedness. If the mother is not happy, the children dare not be happy either. I saw my childhood in Xiaopai. My mother is a very unhappy person. She lived an unhappy life for the first half of her life. She lost her parents when she was very young. Not long after marrying my father, my father was seriously injured in an accident. This made her extremely depressed and the whole time. Not saying a word all day long. My sister and I rarely see her smile. There are dark clouds floating in the house every day, and lightning and thunder can happen at any time. If I hadn\’t had a daughter, I might never have discovered that my angry look was exactly the same as my mother\’s. Growing up in such a family, I felt almost insecure. On the outside, I looked calm, but inside, I was trembling. Raising children is also a period of self-healing. Many years later, if the memory has not completely left me, I will remember Xiaopai, whose face was full of tears. He once held my face and howled: \”Mom, I will be good, don\’t be unhappy, okay?\” Tears are like She rushed out like a floodgate had been opened. That time I held her and cried for a long time, shedding all the tears that I didn\’t dare to shed when I was a child. Children are angels sent by God. They allow me to experience growth again, and the path of \”raising children means raising oneself\” has gone deeper and deeper. Surprisingly, as we go deeper, the road becomes wider and wider. I attended various parenting courses, was exposed to different parenting concepts, read parenting books with different concepts, chose what I believed in, and practiced what suited me…I gradually became brave enough to break through my own perceptions and limitations. , doing something I’ve never done before. I remember telling Xiaopai the story of the \”Tooth Fairy\” before. As long as she puts the fallen tooth under the pillow, the tooth fairy will take away her tooth after she falls asleep and give her a lucky little gift. . Xiao Pai believed this story so much that every time he lost a tooth, he would put it under his pillow and he would receive a gift the next day. A few days ago, she lost a permanent tooth and asked me with a pout: \”Mom, is the tooth fairy real?\” I replied slyly: \”I don\’t know, that\’s what the book says.\” How about I put the tooth under the pillow tonight and stay up all night, waiting for the tooth fairy to come?\” I felt a thump in my heart: \”Then make a wish first and see if the tooth fairy will bring you a gift. \”Xiaopai probably can\’t stay awake all night. What I\’m more worried about is the gift she wants, and I\’m afraid I won\’t be able to prepare it in time. When Xiaopai fell asleep completely, it was already midnight. Like a thief, I tiptoed into her room, put the bracelet she wanted under the pillow, and touched her forehead. She didn\’t feel hot or sweaty, so I felt relieved. Sneak out. The next morning, Pai’s dad saw that she was nakedHe quickly put the bracelet on his hand and deliberately asked her: \”Hey, where did you get a new bracelet?\” Xiaopai replied seriously: \”The tooth fairy gave it to me.\” Then he went to school with his schoolbag on his back. I stood aside calmly, but my heart was full of flowers. I used to be such a boring person, but now that I have become a mother, I have a sense of ritual. I have persisted in having my first tooth knocked out since I was a child. Looking back on the past, the dust of life rolled into my face, and when we met again, she was no longer the willful girl she was before. Being a mother gives us the possibility to break through ourselves and become another person. Today is Women\’s Day, maybe no one gives us a day off. But when we think about the fact that because of our children, we have been on the road of \”raising children means raising ourselves\”, this is also the best gift in our lives as women and mothers.

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