• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

It\’s a pity that we can\’t raise our children again

Just after the festival, it’s time to say goodbye again. Hanging out with some friends I haven\’t seen in years. As parents, when we chat, we will naturally talk about our children. A new mother said, \”I really want to be with my son and not go to work. That would be great!\” \”It\’s good for my grandma to take care of my son. She only wants to earn money for milk powder. This is how our family is.\” \”How about that?\” Take the children and the old people over and don\’t separate them.\” Everyone came up with ideas. \”Oh, I can\’t help it. I have to make money. I\’m too busy.\” It\’s really sad to mention this topic. Many friends tell me, \”Your job is really good. You can take care of your children at home and take care of your family and career.\” I am always grateful for the opportunity to be with my children. When I was coaxing Xiao Xiaoyu to sleep, I held his slippery little hand, and it felt like I was holding my own hand when I was a child. At that time, I longed for my parents to be around. Many parents of our generation have had the experience of being left behind. Nowadays, this generation of left-behind children have grown up, and many of them are already parents. Deep in our memories, everyone must have different feelings about the left-behind lifestyle. However, no matter what, if you have experienced it, then you or the people around you will leave some marks. When children who lack love in childhood grow up, as parents, they want to give their children good care, because that feeling is unforgettable. I told her that if life had not forced her to have no choice, she would have kept her child with her. Because children cannot be raised by us again. Just once, there is no way to repeat what the child finally looks like. What if I could raise my children again? I think every parent would look forward to giving their children better love. Because we always make mistakes when raising children! British poet Diane Lenmans wrote a poem \”If I could raise my children again.\” If I could raise my children again, I would squat down first and then speak softly. I know how to put my thumb up more and point less with my index finger. I will give more smiles to the children. If I could raise my children again, I would look less at the score sheet and more at the merits. I will pay attention to blaming less and caring more. I will hide my stern face and become the child\’s playmate, running with the child in the wilderness to see the stars. …It is a pity that a child only grows up once, and it cannot be reversed, let alone repeated. If you miss it, you really miss it, even if it is full of regrets. So, when I heard that my friend later said that he wanted to take the child out with him, even if life would be a lot tense for the time being, he still wanted to be together as a family, I was really happy for the child. I blessed this child with joy in my heart: \”Bless you, you are such a happy little guy.\” Of course, I understand that behind this kind of happiness, a lot of hard work is required to bear it. And you will only be willing to go down this path if you truly feel that raising your children is important. Now that you have given birth to a child, you must raise the child by yourself. Because children do not come to their grandparents or grandparents. They came for their parents. Fish Dad once received a message from a mother saying that her child was over five years old and had a very bad temper., easily angry, irritable, or not talking to the people around you for a long time. After careful questioning, it turned out that the children had just been brought back to him from his sister\’s house in the countryside. At first, most of the children were cooperative. Because they had not lived together for a long time, they were even a little unfamiliar with each other. As they observed each other, they gradually became familiar with each other. . But after living together for a period of time, all the little problems in the child broke out, making them look out of place and unpleasant to look at. Moreover, the child is also antagonistic towards his parents. When asked to go east, he always goes west. He always keeps his head in silence and fights are useless. He also learns to run and says he wants to run away from home. There were many quarrels between mother and child, and each time she felt like a failure, especially when she yelled at her child. She often felt guilty all day long, and even cried silently late at night, because she felt that the child she gave birth to was like a stranger. Winnicott pointed out that \”children who leave home before they are immature suffer from sadness that is far from being experienced personally, and in fact reaches the point of extinguishing their emotions.\” In actual research, he found that those children whose psychological positioning was destroyed , generally those children who originally lacked good care at home, and children who are well cared for in the early stages are better able to control the environment. Many cases point out that many problem children often behaved repressively and well-behaved when they were young. When they reach adolescence, their problems appear with a vengeance, and they are prone to develop antisocial personality, rebellion, bad habits, etc. Therefore, when parents beat their chests and teach their children one day in the future. What I regret most in my heart is probably that I didn’t raise my children well back then. I just wish I could do it all over again. She lamented that her own biological child was a stranger. I think the biggest harm to a child is that when the child needs you the most, you can\’t see it. But when your children no longer need you when they grow up, you follow them closely, forcing you every step of the way. Nowadays, many parents entrust the responsibility of raising their children to the elderly. In fact, this is a double harm to children and the elderly. Indeed, many elderly people have taken the initiative to request, hoping to help their children share the responsibility of raising children. But when I actually take it up, I feel powerless. Take setting rules for children, for example, how to manage their screen time. The old man himself has never played Shunliu, and he doesn\’t know what is useful and what is a rubbish game. Children can deceive old people with a little trickery. In addition, the energy of the elderly is limited, and raising children is a battle of wits and courage, and requires physical strength. The elderly can often only maintain the survival needs of their children, and other educational needs are far beyond their scope of responsibilities. If you blame the old man for not taking care of the child, then take care of it yourself. There are also many people who think that children do not need their parents when they are young. The reason is that children are young and have no memory of how old they are. It doesn’t matter who cares about them. In fact, this reason is the most untenable, but from a pure feeding perspective, it seems very reasonable. But children not only need to be fed, they also have psychological needs. Psychological development directly affects the formation of a child\’s personality. Only mentally healthy children can truly become happy people. In the early stages of a child\’s growth, who can give the child the best psychological care? Certainly not psychologists, because theyNo one knows your child as well as you do. They are not relatives or friends. They will love their children, but there will still be something between them. The people most qualified for this job are parents. In fact, there is a child living inside each of us. A happy or unhappy child. And when our children become adults in the future. There will always be a child living inside of you. This child\’s happiness is closely related to us now. I hope every parent can give their children warmth, happiness, and a sense of security.

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