• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

It’s a shame for parents if their children don’t talk back.

Children talk back because they are helpless and confused. When parents tell their children not to do something, they feel that their rights have been deprived of their rights but are unable to resist. In anger, they unconsciously talk back to find a psychological balance. In other words, when children talk back, they really do not mean to make their parents angry. They just want to reshape the boundaries of the parent-child relationship and assert their personal rights through talking back. Hey, you dare to talk back, I\’m going against you! Tell a story about a neighbor’s cousin. One time, her umbrella was lost at home, and her mother scolded her: \”Why are you so careless? You lost your umbrella.\” She explained: \”I didn\’t lose it. I never used the umbrella.\” Her mother said, \”Me too. I’ve never used an umbrella. Could it be that the umbrella ran away by itself?” Cousin: “I don’t know, I didn’t lose it anyway.” Her mother: “It wasn’t you who lost it, who lost it. It’s not like the umbrella can’t run by itself.” Run away, you still don’t admit that you lost it!” The cousin said loudly: “I didn’t lose it, I never used the umbrella!” Her mother was furious: “Hey! How dare you talk back to you! It was you who lost it. Damn it! You\’re still talking back, see if I won\’t hit you.\” He slapped her twice. The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\”. There is a similar story in Uncle Kai\’s storytelling. A child originally planned to go out to play on the weekend, but his mother signed up for an interest class temporarily and was forced to take him there. The child is unwilling to go: \”Did you ask me? Just sign up for the interest class for me, I won\’t go!\” The mother tried her best to persuade her at first, but the child was stubborn and unwilling to go. She plausibly said: \”What rights do you have, if you don\’t go through me?\” With your consent, you signed up for me without permission?\” After hearing this, the mother was also angry: \”What do you mean without permission? I am your mother, I just have this power, and I am doing it for your own good!\” The child: \”You are. Seeing that Zhou Zhou next door also signed up for this class, you want me to sign up for this class. What are you doing for my own good? This is just comparison and vanity!\” Mom was completely irritated: \”I tell you, you go today You have to go! You have to go even if you don’t want to go! I dare to talk back at a young age, which is against you! What do you know! If you don’t go, I will lock you in the room and you won’t be allowed to go anywhere.\” The child said \”Wow\” A cry came out. Is this a familiar scene? Do you often have similar arguments with your children? Did he also blurt out words like \”Hey, you dare to talk back\”? There is no parent in China who has not suffered from this kind of torture: that is, the child talks back. The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\”. Sohu Mother and Baby conducted a survey, \”When your children grow up, what behavior do you hate most?\” More than 75% of parents chose \”talking back.\” You tell him to go east, but he goes west; you talk earnestly and sincerely, and he has a lot of reasons waiting for you; you use a long-term perspective to plan his life, but to him, this is infringing on his life. Chatting with a mother, she complained to me: \”The older the child is, the more he feels like he has raised a white-eyed wolf.\” Why? Because on the one hand, you sacrifice your precious rest time, accompany your child to training classes, and pay attention to his big and small things, on the other hand, there is protest and even disgust from the child. No one feels happy when a hot face touches a cold butt. But after feeling unhappy, have you ever thought about a question: Why do children resist?Mouth? The picture comes from the movie \”Yi Yi\”. Children will talk back because their parents are unqualified. Parenting writer Ou Ma said: \”When children talk back, the first reason is that their parents are unqualified.\” There was a survey on children, and the question was \”Why do you want to talk back to your parents?\” . The children\’s answers were as follows: ·Because I think what my father did was unfair at all. A child made an agreement with his father that if his homework was completed, he would take him to Disneyland. When he finished his homework, his father changed his mind and said, \”Wait until you get into the top ten in the class. If you don\’t pass, don\’t even think about it.\” The child immediately became angry and started arguing with his father. As a result, I was scolded by my father. The child said: \”From that time on, I swore that I would never believe the words of their adults again.\” The picture comes from the movie \”Tomorrow, Mom Is Not Here\”. When my mother misunderstood me, I would talk back to another child. Once, I helped my mother wash the dishes. I want to share some housework without wanting my mother to have to work so hard. She accidentally broke the bowl, and her mother yelled at her: \”Who asked you to wash the dishes? Why don\’t you read a book when you have this free time?\” The little girl felt particularly aggrieved, so she talked back to her mother. ·What parents ask of their children, they themselves fail to do. They told me to go to bed early, but they played mahjong outside until early in the morning, leaving me alone at home. They told me not to play on the computer, but my mother watched Korean dramas on the computer all day long. Why should I be asked to do something that I clearly can\’t do? I just don\’t accept it. The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\”. Parents are too overbearing. \”I am your mother, you have to listen to me! What do you kids know?\” In fact, children are most annoyed by this kind of words. Why don\’t children understand? Do you understand? Is that all you can do? ·Consistently hit me: \”Look at how awesome so-and-so from other people\’s families is! First prize!\” \”Look at how sensible so-and-so from next door is! A good student!\” \”Look at you again! What a ghost.\” I What the hell does it look like? Then you want someone from someone else’s family to be your child! Some parents consistently hit their children, and it is natural for their children to talk back to them. ·Parents always feel that they are superior. \”You go to bed now, now!\” \”You go to do your homework now, now!\” \”You stand in the corner now, quickly!\” Always have a commanding tone and always look aloof. I always feel that I am right and everything is wrong. If the company leader treats you with such a tone, you will be unhappy; don’t you think about it, if you treat the child with such a tone, won’t the child be unhappy? The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\”. If your child often talks back, don\’t be too busy saying: \”Oh, I dare to talk back, I\’m disobeying you!\” As a parent, first reflect on yourself. Are the above behaviors harmful to you? Frequently do: There are many things that I cannot do myself, but I just ask my children to do them; I always look aloof and always speak to my children in a commanding tone; I often use the rhetoric of \”I am doing this for my own good\” to force my children to do it; Doing things, typical love kidnapping. In Wang Shuo\’s novel \”I Am Your Dad\”, junior high school student Ma Rui said something to his father Ma Linsheng: \”You adults all say that we children are not sensible, but in fact you adults are even less sensible.\” When I saw this sentence, I I think it\’s very insightful. If your child often talks back to you, you may not be the one who is ignorant, but you. Picture from\”Little Separation\” Children talking back is a request for growth. Parenting writer Ou Ma has seen a mother and daughter who often quarreled and made noise. Whatever the mother said, the daughter would definitely object to it. In the most serious case, my daughter ran away from home. What happened was this: Someone sent a letter to her daughter. After the mother received the letter, she saw the handwriting, which looked nothing like a girl’s handwriting. She suspected that it was a love letter written by a boy to her daughter, so she opened the letter and read it. . It\’s a postcard, sent from Yunnan, and the language is rather ambiguous. That night, the mother asked her daughter sternly: \”Tell me, who sent you the letter? Is it a boy? Have you fallen in love early?\” The daughter was shocked: \”How can you open my envelope?\” Mom: \”You go first Answer me, who sent it?\” Daughter: \”You are going too far. You opened my envelope without my consent!\” Mom: \”Tell me, is it a boy? Are you in puppy love?\” Daughter: \”It doesn\’t matter if it\’s a boy. So, so what if you open my letters casually, are you infringing on my rights?\” Mom: \”I am your mother, I have the right to open it, open it at will!\” It was like a powder keg, getting worse and worse, and finally exploded. My daughter slammed the door and left, missing for several days. The relationship between mother and daughter deteriorated sharply. The picture comes from the movie \”Little Separation\”. The issue of puppy love is not discussed. There are many similar scenes. For example, after peeking at a child\’s diary, the child becomes furious; asking which girl the child has a good relationship with in class, the child will quarrel with you when he comes home. . Even those little things that you once thought were insignificant will trigger your child\’s surprise when you do them now. This involves the issue of parent-child boundary issues. Marriage has a sense of boundaries. It is okay to eat with the opposite sex, but it is best not to watch movies in private. It is okay to hug the opposite sex politely, but not to hold hands. The parent-child relationship also has a sense of boundaries. When your children are young, they have no privacy in front of you and no personal rights. As they grow up, their individual awareness increases, and their rights will naturally increase. Just like you don\’t want others to check your WeChat chat history, not even your husband or wife, your children definitely don\’t want you to read their diaries. And you still think that the child is still young and has no personal rights, so you insist on doing this. When the sense of boundary is pierced, the child will naturally become angry, and when angry, he will talk back to you. Psychologists believe that children talk back because they are helpless and confused. When parents tell their children not to do something, they feel that their rights have been deprived of their rights but are unable to resist. When they are angry, they unconsciously talk back to find their way out. A kind of psychological balance. In other words, when children talk back, they really do not mean to make their parents angry. They just want to reshape the boundaries of the parent-child relationship and assert their personal rights through talking back. This is an inevitable demand during their growth. The picture comes from \”Little Separation\” You should prefer children who can talk back. Parents don\’t like children who talk back. If their authority is challenged, they will be upset and unhappy. But in fact, parents should prefer children who can talk back, because the ability of children to talk back reflects the success of your education. Princeton University in the United States conducted a study in which children aged two to five were divided into two groups. One group usually liked to talk back and was more rebellious, and the other group was usually obedient and less rebellious. It was found that children who were more rebelliousAmong children, 80% have strong independent judgment ability when they grow up; among children with weak resistance, only 24% can act on their own when they grow up, but their ability to judge things independently is still relatively weak and they often rely on others. Research in child psychology shows that children who can have real arguments with their parents will be more confident, creative and gregarious in the future. Hamburg psychologist Dr. Angelica Fass said: \”The debate between generations is an important step for the next generation on the road to adulthood.\” The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\” Imagine, A well-behaved child is sensible and docile. No matter what request you make to him, even if he is dissatisfied, he will still do it without talking back or complaining. What will happen to such children in the future? He will continue his consistent behavior, no matter how the outside world oppresses him, no matter how unreasonable the external demands are, no matter how disgusted he is in his heart. He won\’t resist, he will only obey. He will live a very useless life. On the contrary, children who dare to talk back in daily life will be much better: · They dare to fight, \”I\’m sorry, I won\’t do anything that makes me unhappy.\” · They clearly know where their boundaries are. \”This is my private matter, please don\’t point fingers.\” They dare to be angry. \”I won\’t swallow my anger, I will speak out if I\’m unhappy.\”·They don\’t suppress too many emotions in their hearts. It\’s very scary to still suppress your emotions and do things even though you feel disgusted in your heart. But don\’t worry about children who dare to talk back. They will definitely speak out if they are unhappy, and they will dare to argue with reason even in the face of power. And these qualities will be the armor of children\’s life, blocking off the attacks of the world on them in this stormy world. The picture comes from the movie \”Mother\”. So, when your child talks back, don\’t be too busy to get angry or blame him: \”Oh, you dare to talk back!\” Give him enough patience and tolerance, and listen quietly and equally. He complained. No matter whether he made a mistake or not, no matter whether his backtalk was justified or not, only by giving the child a space can his branches and leaves spread. Therefore, the most important principle for parents is: don’t scare the child away before he can speak. Say something. In fact, you can even think that you are not listening to him talk back, but you are shaping his character of neither being humble nor being arrogant, and defending his own rights. Being able to talk back to your child is a sign of growth and self-protection. Isn\’t this what you expected? As a parent, I hope you can understand: Only when your children are not slaves to you, can they not be slaves to others.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *