• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

It\’s easy to raise an adolescent child, just keep competing with him.


Oct 1, 2023

\”The older the child is, the more difficult it is to manage\” is a problem that worries many parents. A friend said that her daughter seems to have changed since she entered junior high school. \”I have an acne, and I can sit in front of the mirror for a long time; as soon as I get home, I lock myself in the room, and say a few words to her, and my face is full of impatience; I even remind her to use my mobile phone less and go to bed early, so I have to be careful.\” He didn\’t understand that before Why does a gentle and obedient child suddenly make sarcastic remarks and fall out of favor as soon as possible? In fact, it has something to do with children entering adolescence. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan PDF version download. In adolescence, children’s sense of autonomy sprouts, their independence and self-esteem increase, and they begin to deny the authority of the past and avoid adult interference. Only then will they become estranged from their parents. Twenty or thirty years ago, humans entered puberty at the age of 12 and ended at 19. But now, the latest research shows that adolescence begins around the age of 10 and does not end until the age of 24 at the latest. The longest period is more than 15 years. If parents don\’t handle it well, their children are likely to engage in dangerous behaviors due to their emotions. For example, being a celebrity, running away from home, playing online games all night, smoking, skipping school, drinking alcohol, etc., and even including self-mutilation, suicide or fighting, theft, drug abuse and other illegal and criminal behaviors. It simply makes parents nervous. We all know that adolescence is a critical period for a child\’s development and success. If it is successfully passed, it will officially enter adulthood; but if something goes wrong, it may cause irreparable damage and affect a lifetime. As parents, understanding in advance, mastering methods, and helping children to survive smoothly are what every family needs. There are reasons for adolescent rebellion, and parents must not blame them randomly. Parents know that adolescence is important, but most of them have only a vague concept and little understanding of its nature. When faced with children\’s \”self-centered\”, \”deliberately looking for trouble\”, \”argumentative\” and other behaviors, it is inevitable to feel anxious, helpless, and even angry, which brings a lot of trouble, conflict and harm to the parent-child relationship. In fact, there are reasons for the emotional expression in adolescence: 1. The \”troubles\” of adolescence come from the \”brain\” of adolescence. Children undergo amazing changes when they enter puberty. Their bodies change day by day, and their behaviors become more and more individual. This is related to the secretion of sex hormones. But new research suggests that the adolescent brain is the root cause of puberty problems. Neuroscientist Francis Jensen said that even at the age of 20, the human brain is only \”eight times mature.\” Imperfect brain development is the underlying cause of adolescents’ rebellious, impulsive, moody and other behaviors. For example, children who \”know their mistakes and make mistakes but refuse to correct them despite repeated admonitions\” are actually related to the underdevelopment of the frontal lobe area of ​​the brain. The frontal lobe is the headquarters of the brain and is responsible for cognition and decision-making. Its incomplete development causes children to lack self-control, have weak risk awareness, and are prone to making mistakes and addiction. For another example, children who are \”too sensitive and have a bad temper\” are actually related to the failure of the limbic system and frontal lobe of the brain to process emotions well together. The limbic system of the brain can easily perceive stimuli such as negation and sarcasm, and produce emotions such as grievance and anger. At this time, if the frontal lobe is not well controlled and regulated, it is easy to become emotional. In addition, being emotional can also trigger the secretion of adrenaline, leading to a preference for stimulating activities. This is the reason why adolescent girls like tragic Korean dramas and romantic novels, and boys like e-sports and skateboarding. In other words, QingThe reason why children in adolescence are \”disobedient\” and \”adventurous\” is not because their wings have grown hard or become bad, but because of physiological factors. We must not label our children as \”ignorant,\” \”rebellious,\” or \”a bad learner\” just because of temporary disapproval or unhappiness. 2. Problem behaviors in adolescence are delayed reactions to parenting problems. Some parents said that ordinary rebellion is okay, but fighting, skipping school, etc. can\’t be normal, right? Professor Li Meijin is an expert on juvenile criminal psychology. A diplomat friend once asked her for help, saying that she was so distressed that she wanted to commit suicide because of her 16-year-old son\’s behavioral problems. Professor Li replied: \”Children don\’t need to come to me, adults can come.\” In her view, children\’s problems are usually caused by their parents, and adolescent problems are just a delayed reaction to parenting problems. A child will not become another person all of a sudden. There must be a long process in between. If parents have not established a secure attachment with their children before the age of 3, it will be difficult to exert influence on their children during adolescence; if they have not conveyed correct concepts and cultivated good habits to their children since childhood, it will be very difficult to correct them at this time. trouble. If parents continue to intervene incorrectly, the child\’s problematic behavior will only become more prominent. Therefore, it is not something that happens overnight. It is unrealistic for parents to solve the problem at once or to blame all the problems on their children. From the perspective of parents, problematic behaviors in adolescence seem to be caused by children entering adolescence, and they try to make their children change. But from the perspective of children, they may also be distressed by having a \”bad\” native family. The best guarantee for adolescence is to get into the child\’s heart. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng once put forward a point of view: if a child reaches the rebellious stage, it will be useless for parents to do anything. This sentence expresses the pain and helplessness of many adolescent parents. The underlying meaning is: If parents insist on keeping their previous cognitive concepts and parenting models unchanged, no matter how much they say or do, it will not help. Children\’s various \”disobedient\” behaviors are the strongest feedback on inappropriate parenting methods, and parents should be aware of them. The best strategy for dealing with adolescence is this: Children change, and parents need to change too. 1. Change your perspective on your child’s behavior. \”Huang Duoduo\’s hair dye\” and \”Li Yan\’s bikini photos\” have received numerous negative comments. Some netizens said that they were \”self-indulgent\” and \”have no tutor\”, and even \”slut-shamed\” them; some who were more rational also warned with \”kindness\” that \”teenage girls should have teenage girls\”. \”Looks like he\’s 20 years old\”, \”Parents should still take care of it\”. In fact, regardless of good intentions or malicious intentions, ordinary behaviors of adolescent children should not be elevated to a \”moral\” level. \”Children who like celebrities are being led astray by trends; they pay attention to appearance, but they don\’t put their mind on study; if they have their ears pierced and wear fancy clothes, they are not far away from committing bad behaviors.\” This is not only a negative impact on children\’s normal behavior The magnified interpretation also slandered and imprisoned them. Li Xueni, director of the Department of Psychosomatic Medicine at Peking University Sixth Hospital, said: \”People\’s concern about appearance begins in adolescence. This is a normal development phenomenon in adolescence.\” Teenagers care about appearance and pursue fashion. On the one hand, it is physical development, which triggers their concern about themselves. relationship with other people’s bodiesNote; on the other hand, there are psychological changes. They need to seek recognition, so they will be particularly sensitive to trends and peers. Parents blame and interfere without delving into the reasons, which is very irrational. In terms of education, the biggest gap between parents and children is that they grew up in different eras. It is normal to have different opinions on the aesthetics of clothing, music preferences, dating age, and leisure activities. These are very normal. There is no right or wrong, only differences. Parents can express their own opinions, but they cannot impose their own understanding on their children. Only by changing their own views on their children\’s behavior can parents get closer to their children. 2. Change the way you interact with your children. In the \”Huang Duoduo hair dyeing\” incident, an ordinary girl\’s Weibo received nearly 100,000 likes. The words in it may represent the aspirations of many adolescent children. She said she was very envious of Huang Duoduo. Her parents could understand and support her, which meant they loved her very much. However, she would be scolded by her mother even if she even let her hair down. Children cannot understand \”you love him, but think this is not good for him, and that is not good for him.\” The gesture that can truly make them feel loved is not to show authority or accuse under the guise of \”caring\”, but to lean in and listen, with support behind you. Sun Li once responded to Duoduo piercing her ears and dyeing her hair. She said that it is a girl\’s nature to love beauty, and if she is stopped now, her children will only become more rebellious in the future. She used love and respect, as well as a gesture of equal communication, in exchange for the \”right\” to help Duoduo choose a hair color. Children will not become bad because they love to be beautiful, follow trends, or take risks, but they will become rebellious and do extreme behaviors because they do not have the company, advice, understanding, and support of their parents. Anxious and authoritarian parents want to correct their children\’s words and deeds, but push them further and further away, without even a chance to speak; smart and gentle parents know how to respect their children, but instead get into their children\’s hearts and slowly exert their influence. Changing yourself and getting closer to your children is the best way for parents to protect their children during adolescence. There are ways to deal with adolescence, and neither being too strict nor too lax will work. (Attached are solutions for common problems in adolescence) Adolescence is very special. Many parents want to give their children \”love and freedom\”, but they also fall into the anxiety of \”no matter what\”. In fact, there are ways to deal with adolescence. Neither being too strict nor too lax will work. Parents need to be loving and have reasonable requirements. Below we have summarized 5 common types of problems in adolescence and how to deal with them for parents’ reference. 1. Physical development in adolescence Puberty begins much earlier than everyone expects. Many children begin to develop at the age of 8 or 9. Faced with physical changes, menstruation, nocturnal emissions and other phenomena, they often feel confused, ashamed, and even anxious. Parents must communicate well before puberty so that children can have psychological preparation and scientific understanding. For example, starting from celebrating the children\’s growth, by giving the children small gifts, taking the children to buy items needed for adolescence, etc., in a relaxed atmosphere, talk to the children about the knowledge of adolescence. Let your child feel that you are with him, will always answer his questions, and provide support, so that he can enter adolescence with peace of mind and peace. 2. Appearance Anxiety in Adolescence: Adolescent children are very concerned about their appearance. They have pimples and pimples on their faces, are taller or shorter than their classmates, and are dressed too much.Being earthy, not beautiful enough, not strong enough, or fat, etc., may embarrass and annoy children. Parents should not blindly downplay and say \”appearance is not important\”, but guide them to pursue beauty scientifically within a reasonable range. For example, if a child wants to go on a diet and lose weight, don’t always urge her to eat more. You can teach her how to eat scientifically so that she can be nutritious and healthy while also achieving the goal of losing fat and building muscle. Work with your child to study how to achieve the goal reasonably and teach her how to eat scientifically. Developing in a good direction is the best way to help him let go of his anxiety. 3. Communication issues in adolescence Erikson said that the most important task in adolescence is to develop self-identity. Only those who develop self-identity can have a stable personality. Children who refuse to communicate and go against their parents\’ ideas are just seeking \”independence\” and a way to explore themselves and establish their own identity. If parents do not understand and impose interference, it will make them less independent, easy to follow blindly, and unable to cope with challenges. The best way to communicate with children during the \”rebellious period\” is to respect the child\’s independence. When communicating, whether it is behavior or language, you should convey the message \”I believe you can do it\” to your children; when your children encounter setbacks, don\’t say \”Look, I told you what to do\”. Only by listening with respect rather than contempt, and communicating with equality rather than judgment can our words reach the ears of children. 4. “Addiction” behavior in adolescence: During adolescence, children are easily attracted to novels, games, celebrities, etc. and spend a lot of time. Parents will inevitably worry about their addiction. In fact, the best way to break addiction is to help children change \”looking up\” to \”looking down.\” For example, if a child loves to read online novels, we are not in a hurry to isolate him from the novels, but keep an open attitude and guide him to talk more about his reading experience or his views on the content and writing. If possible, parents can also share their own feelings about reading other books, which can help their children jump out of the plot and think about more valuable things. As children\’s tastes gradually improve and their horizons broaden, they will not be easily attracted by a single stimulus. 5. The problem of \”puppy love\” in adolescence Emotional sprouting is a very normal psychological change in adolescent children, and it is not \”early\”. Parents are afraid of affecting their children\’s learning and worrying that their children will be harmed. They always feel as if they are facing a powerful enemy, and talk about \”puppy love\” in a disgraceful way. In order to avoid harsh criticism or interference from parents, children have no choice but to hide in every possible way, which in turn creates hidden dangers for friendship and behavioral problems in adolescence. Only when parents face \”puppy love\” rationally and calmly can their children open their hearts and have the opportunity to become their children\’s shield. We can take the initiative to expose our emotional experiences during adolescence and share our gains and losses. This not only provides children with a different perspective, but also makes them feel that \”puppy love\” is something that they can communicate openly with their parents. There is no \”sooner or later\” in falling in love, but there are \”good and bad\” and \”boundaries\”. Instead of guarding against \”puppy love\” all day long, it is better to talk to your children about your views on learning, emotions, and the future, and communicate the knowledge of self-protection. and methods to truly help children. Professor Li Meijin said that adolescence is also a \”remedial period for early education deficiencies.\” If the problems of adolescence are not properly solved,That may really be in line with the old saying: Children will spend their entire lives healing their childhood. No parent is perfect, and when faced with bad situations, it’s inevitable that they will become exhausted or overbearing. But if you think more about it, you will be able to understand your child a little better. Puberty is the last opportunity for parents to get close to their children, give them a like, and let more children have an understood youth.

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