• Sat. Dec 2nd, 2023

Learning to let go is how we give our children respect for each other

In the spring of the year when she retired at the age of fifty-five, Aunt Xue\’s world was particularly depressed, and all the green plants in her home were dead. She was depressed, not because she broke her leg when signing the retirement bill, but because her only daughter, Hezi, was divorced. However, who dares to believe, who would believe that Hezi dared to go against his mother and get divorced at the age of thirty? When he was studying, Hezi was always a top student, well-behaved and outstanding. Then he went to the United States to study for a doctorate in the eyes of others with envy. After graduation, at the call of Aunt Xue, I returned to a certain central enterprise in China. I was qualified for an important position and prospered. Aunt Xue dug out the network of relationships that she could see all over the world, and arranged blind dates for Hezi, one after another. Hezi focused on his career, and looked at the blind dates like white radishes and potatoes growing in the fields, boring and boring. Be more serious. It was Aunt Xue who compared again and again with a magnifying glass, and finally identified a son-in-law who was as good as Hezi. Aunt Xue breathed a sigh of relief and closed her little notebook. The notebook contains detailed information about the boys. Aunt Xue is a serious, diligent, and proud old lady. To her, life is just an arithmetic problem. Difficulties can be solved by solving them step by step. But is there any standard answer in life? During this time, her son-in-law was always working abroad. Aunt Xue was very worried about their relationship, so she tried hard to persuade Hezi to have a baby quickly and tie the man\’s heart. Hezi agreed. Aunt Xue was humming a little tune and happily helping them clean the room when she suddenly turned over her daughter\’s divorce certificate. Only then did Hezi tell Aunt Xue that she had been divorced for half a year. The reason was that her husband, ah no, her ex-husband cheated on her. ah! Aunt Xue was frightened and ashamed. She was silent for a long time and closed her door sadly. Divorce, which was normal in He Zi\’s eyes, was like an avalanche in Aunt Xue\’s world. Aunt Xue, who used to be cheerful, joking, and full of arrogance, gathered her feathers like a peacock and huddled in the corner, unable to recover. Old sisters invited her to travel, and a relative was getting married. It was the company\’s anniversary, and Aunt Xue tried not to leave the house because of leg pain. The whole person has become much thinner, and he is always talking and competing with himself. Every time she thought about how others would laugh at her secretly when they knew about Hezi\’s divorce, Aunt Xue\’s world would fall like a hailstorm. Hezi had no choice but to take a long leave and wanted to spend time with his mother. When Aunt Xue heard that Hezi would delay her work, she couldn\’t help but cursed. Don\’t you know that you brought this disaster to me? You are so worthless that you can\’t even keep a man. Hezi didn\’t control his emotions and immediately responded to her, then didn\’t you also keep my dad? Hezi was also very hurt, having lost her husband and now her mother. Hezi immediately bought a plane ticket and staggered out of the country alone. Aunt Xue\’s world suddenly became empty, and she fell into deeper pain and confusion. When Aunt Xue was young, she was divorced and failed. She always had a belief in her life that she could not let her daughter make the same mistakes again, so she protected Hezi with great care and designed all the paths for her. But she still went wrong. On the surface, this is Aunt Xue\’s inability to accept her daughter\’s divorce. Upon in-depth analysis, you will find that this is a sign of Aunt Xue\’s particularly \”fragile\” heart. Hezi, as a thirty-year-old woman with a successful career, made up her mind to get married.Ending an inappropriate marriage is not a shame, but a relief. A thirty-year-old outstanding woman, at her most attractive moment, is completely possible and capable of starting a new life. But why is Aunt Xue still so fragile? It\’s because we still use outdated moral values ​​to measure this matter, believing that women must get married and have children, and have a family they can rely on in order to be happy. In addition, she did not realize that she was in control of her daughter. This kind of maternal love has no boundaries, and she expected her daughter to listen to her in everything. The vast majority of parents can be dependent on each other for life, but they cannot be separated from their children. Because separation means that a mother must learn to let go and let her children be their complete selves. Strong maternal love, because you love someone so much that you can\’t control yourself and want to arrange her future. Analyzing it more deeply, I actually love myself too much and love my own honor more than I care about my daughter\’s feelings. Love can really make people confused. It will make parents forget that they too have to grow faster than their children know, and they have to surpass their former selves. Love is a kind of ability. The ability to love is like learning a language. If you want to use it freely, you must study and practice repeatedly to improve your ability to love before you can master it. Love not only requires passion and no hesitation, but also requires rationality, the restraint of self-discipline, the limitation of boundaries, and the negotiation of compromises. Will anyone really judge our lives based on what happens to our children or loved ones? The answer is naturally no. There is a term in psychology called \”transparency illusion\”, which describes Aunt Xue\’s feelings. We think that everything we do will be noticed by others, but it is actually because of our sensitivity and vulnerability. Especially for highly sensitive people, if their \”interpersonal sensitivity\” is too high, someone else\’s actions or words will make them think too much. Therefore, maintaining appropriate \”interpersonal sensitivity\” with the people around you, that is, not over-interpreting others, will make you more comfortable. Just like there is a story in Western philosophy, a person is locked in a room and sees different appearances of himself on the wall. Some appearances make him scared, make him feel uneasy, or make him feel a little relieved. It wasn\’t until the lights were turned on in the room that he realized that it was a house of mirrors, and that everything he saw about himself was a reflection of his heart and had nothing to do with others. Therefore, open up the \”vulnerable part\” of your heart, and as usual, get close to the crowd and move towards the sunshine, and the haze will be swept away on its own. Love your daughter, love yourself even more; value your own emotions, and respect your daughter\’s feelings more; relive your previous life, try love and confidence again, and you will find that the world is the same as before. If it is different, it must be broader.

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