• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Li Meijin: How to raise children who are happy, warm and have sound personalities?

An investment in a child\’s psyche is priceless. \”Children before the age of 3 need attachment, and parents should meet their physiological needs in a timely manner; children aged 3-12 need rules, and parents should firmly say \”no\” to them; adolescent children need the right to choose, and parents should patiently He treats them as friends…\” Professor Li Meijin, a well-known criminal psychology and adolescent psychology expert, has discovered through contact with a large number of cases and years of investigation practice: a person\’s behavior and psychology in adulthood are all manifestations of past experiences. This kind of refraction is closely related to the way of family upbringing in childhood. \”What is in the eyes is what is in the heart.\” Parents can’t help but feel anxious, how can they make their children’s eyes full of happiness and warmth? Professor Li Meijin gave specific and feasible methods for raising children at different stages. 0-3 years old Emotional rearing 0-3 years old is the period when the one-on-one attachment relationship between the child and his family is established, and this attachment continues to accumulate until the age of 12. Attachment is the origin of emotion. When a child forms an attachment relationship with someone, he will feel happy when he is with the attachment object; when he is sad, the child will only feel comforted by the presence of the attachment object. The popular science knowledge documentary Dangerous Earth, all 6 episodes in ultra-clear 1080P, will be very happy and relaxed when attachment is satisfied. When people are in a relaxed state, they will be very happy when looking at external things. In real life, Li Meijin often encounters such heartbreaking cases: \”Many children behave in ways that hurt their parents during adolescence. Needless to say, most of these children were not raised by their own parents before the age of 12. They have no emotional connection.\” It’s not formed.” How to build attachment? \”Mothers should be given three years of maternity leave to help cultivate correct attachment relationships among infants and young children.\” Professor Li Meijin has made this public appeal more than once in public. The \”cry immunization method\” originated from the United States was once popular all over the world, and young Chinese parents were also pursuing it – children should not be picked up immediately when they cry. This will help cultivate children\’s good habit of sleeping independently and avoid developing a crying habit. Habit. Professor Li Meijin disagrees with this view. She said that during the incompetent period when children are unable to take care of themselves, they can only cry to express their pain. At this time, parents should immediately pick up the child to comfort them. Children who cry for a long time and cannot be comforted will form excessively tense memories in their internal autonomic nervous system, which will affect the child\’s temperament. For example, there are many \”road ragers\” and \”keyboard warriors\” in life. As everyone knows, their fiery tempers that \”fire up at the drop of a hat\” stem precisely from the extensive upbringing of their parents, who did not meet their various physiological needs within one year of age. satisfy. Feed the child in your arms. The smell of the caregiver will make the child feel warm. The smell of food and familiarity will make the child feel comfortable and happy, which is conducive to the establishment of attachment relationship. 3 years old to 12 years old: Character nurturing and love are a kind of nutrition, but it is not everything. From the age of 3, children gradually develop the ability to understand and express themselves, which is a critical period for \”setting rules\” for children. At the age of three, parents must learn to say \”no\” to their children; at the age of four, parents must teach their children to wait and be independent.At the age of five, parents should teach their children to learn self-management in temptation training, and demonstrate to their children how to share with others; at the age of six, children should learn the spirit of hard work and hard work in sports. Around the age of 3, children\’s crying is no longer a physiological need, but a psychological need. So how to stop your child from crying unreasonably? Crying is useless. For example, a child may cry at home because he cannot get a mobile phone or watch cartoons. At this time, what parents should do is to take the child into the bedroom and watch the child cry one-on-one with a smile. Until the child is tired of crying, the parent can get up and leave to get a hot towel to wipe the child\’s face, so that the child can experience their love for him. After the child\’s mood stabilizes, the parent can calmly reason with the child: \”If mom wants to check the phone and dad doesn\’t give it to mom, mom will cry like you just did, okay? You\’ve grown up, what needs can you tell me?\” Coming out and crying will not solve the problem.\” When faced with children\’s education problems, Li Meijin reminded parents to do the \”four don\’ts\” when educating their children: don\’t scold the child, don\’t hit the child, don\’t Reason with a crying child; do not leave the child. \”For a crying child, the parents\’ principles are like noise in the ears; similarly, if the child is left alone in the room to reflect, it is equivalent to confinement and has no educational significance.\” Encourage children to learn to express themselves. ideas, listen to parents’ ideas, and establish a democratic communication model with children. Many parents report that \”their children don\’t like to study when they reach middle school. They can\’t sit still in class and look around, which greatly affects their academic performance.\” Li Meijin found that most children with inattention grew up following their grandparents and other ancestors. This is because the life of the elderly has no rhythm and rules. \”One moment I give my child a sweet potato, and the next I take the child to visit a neighbor\’s house. Over time, the child\’s attention becomes distracted.\” Unrhythmic parenting in the early years will make people lack control over themselves as adults. How to help children around four years old begin to know how to wait and be patient, so as to develop a sense of self-discipline? Buy toys for your children in a planned way and choose a relaxing weekend. Parents can take their children to the mall to pick out toys. After the child has chosen, parents can say: \”This toy is beyond our plan. Do you know why mom and dad go to work every day? Wages are only paid once every 30 days. Everything you buy at home requires planning. Your toy costs 120 yuan, but according to the According to mom\’s budget plan, we can only buy a toy worth 100 yuan. If we buy it today and take it home, we will have no food money for next week. If mom works hard and overtime this week, we can buy this toy home next weekend. !\” Parents can use this opportunity to make demands for their children. Because they have to work overtime, you have to go to bed early, eat well, and put away your toys… Delayed gratification will teach children to wait and be patient. In addition to buying toys, Professor Li Meijin suggested that after the child is three years old, parents can use weekends to let the child sit at the desk and do something quietly, which can be puzzles, painting, etc. At the age of three, it took 10 minutes to complete the taskA painting can be done for 20 minutes at a time when the child is four years old. When the child goes to school at the age of six, he will be able to concentrate during the 35 minutes of class time. From the age of five, children should gradually develop their self-management skills and the ability to share with others. At this time, parents should make appropriate use of temptation training to help their children develop such abilities. How to cultivate children\’s self-management ability? The temptation of chocolate Prepare a child\’s favorite snack, such as chocolate. Design a game, divide the chocolate into three parts, take out two parts and say to the child: \”Baby, these two parts of chocolate are given to you, you can manage them yourself. If you can eat one part today and the other tomorrow, If you eat two pieces of chocolate, mom will reward you with an extra piece tomorrow.\” In most cases, when children have the power to make decisions for the first time, they will eat two pieces of chocolate at once, and naturally they will not get the reward of the third piece of chocolate. A month later, when the game is played for the second time, the child will learn the lesson, taste the chocolate as planned, and gradually develop a good habit of self-discipline. Tell the child, \”This is a test from your mother. Don\’t be anxious. You must learn to wait when you grow up.\” Sharing at the Dinner Table When I was a child, I would always prepare the table, chairs, bowls and chopsticks before eating, and only use the chopsticks after everyone in the family was seated. If my father works overtime and cannot eat on time, my mother will definitely leave a separate meal for him with clean dishes and chopsticks. The best fruits are also reserved for family members who are away from home. Will the little behaviors in parents’ lives help children learn how to share? Children should participate in more sports activities from the age of four to cultivate hard work and hard work. Hard-working running in sports can exercise your child\’s breathing and endurance, and also exercise your child\’s courage. Children will be out of breath when running. After this stage, they will find no adverse reactions. At this time, parents can tell their children, \”You will also encounter this kind of situation in life. It is very difficult to work at the beginning. After persisting for a while, you will find that it is nothing more than that.\” When a child learns to swim, he will be very scared and feel like he is going to die. Later, he will find that as long as he does not give up, he will definitely learn. At this time, parents can tell their children, \”Everything depends on not being able to attend the meeting. This process is the process of controlling the outside world. You cannot refuse to try just because of fear.\” 12-18 years old: From the age of 12 for girls and 14 for boys, secondary sexual characteristics begin to develop and the child enters puberty. When facing middle school students, parents must first change their educational concepts, help their children grow, and respect their children\’s right to choose. For example, after the child enters the second grade of junior high school, parents can discuss the future career direction with the child and provide the child with at least five future career options. Guide the selection process rather than \”managing\” it roughly. In the TV series \”Pi\”, the young protagonist Lin Miaomiao is a high school student in adolescence. Lin Miaomiao has obvious advantages in liberal arts, but she is a mess in mathematics, physics and chemistry. Her mother forced her to pass all subjects… So how should parents guide their children when they have learning difficulties? What should I do if I have learning difficulties? Professor Li Meijin’s daughter did not do well in mathematics in high school, so she found an excellent extracurricular teacher to tutor her. However, her daughter bluntly stated that she did not need mathematics.Instead of making up for it, it is better to spend the money on learning English and history. Out of respect for my daughter\’s opinion, I focused my tutoring on English and history. In the end, my daughter\’s English score in the college entrance examination improved by more than 50 points. Children have the clearest awareness of themselves. They must be given opportunities to express themselves and respect their rhythm. The ignorant love relationship between Lin Miaomiao and Qian Sanyi in \”Pi\” affects the hearts of both parents, causing Pei Yin, who has always been steady in dealing with things, to go to school to find the head teacher and Wang Shengnan. This also reflects the tension and anxiety that parents of adolescent children feel about love issues. So how do you discuss the topic of love with your children during adolescence? When her daughter was in junior high school, Li Meijin used the case of choosing clothes to teach her daughter how to establish a correct view of love. Choosing clothes is like looking for a partner. The mother and daughter were choosing clothes in the mall. When they walked to the first store, their daughter liked a dress. Li Meijin encouraged her to look at other stores besides this dress. During the constant shopping process, my daughter found other more satisfactory choices through comparison. Li Meijin took this opportunity to say: \”Finding a partner is like choosing clothes. Middle school is the first store. If you fall in love early in middle school, you may not see a better boy in the future.\” Her daughter suddenly understood and developed the correct attitude from then on. concept of love. In addition to work, a person\’s life also requires a healthy body, a harmonious family, good interpersonal relationships, etc. Children with richer emotions will be happier. Don\’t force children to simply succeed. Parenting is an investment in a child\’s psyche, and this investment is priceless.

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