• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

Many parents lose in \”a sense of proportion is a kind of cultivation\”

Home should be a warm and sweet place, full of flowers of love. But many homes can hurt people. Recently, Pixar\’s animation \”Baby\” won the Oscar for Best Animated Short Film. It may seem like a warm and cute animation, but it has hurt the hearts of many parents. Because it tells us that some love will really \”eat\” people. Animation screenshots from: Pixar animation \”Bao Baobao\” The protagonist of the story is a Chinese mother. Her husband is busy at work and can only do housework by herself every day. She is very lonely inside. One day, she was very surprised to find that the buns she had made suddenly came to life. Mother raised Bao Baobao as her own child and took good care of him in every way, fearing that he would bump into him. The mother excitedly welcomed the little life, but Bao Baobao grew up quickly, and she had to face reality: the child would not always be so cute, let alone obedient. Baozi has grown up and has his own world. He isolates his mother from the outside, opens the door, and his expression becomes cold for a moment. One night Bao Baobao came back and brought back a blonde foreign girl. The foreign girl showed off the sparkling diamond ring on her ring finger, declaring her sovereignty. It turns out that Bao Baobao came back just to pack his luggage and leave this home. The mother guarded the door tightly, but she could not change Bao Baobao\’s idea of ​​leaving. Disappointed and angry, she stuffed the baby into her mouth, squatted on the ground and cried. Many people will find the \”eating\” sequence scary. Although the reality is cruel, it is a true portrayal of many families. In fact, many children have been controlled by their parents, just like buns that have been \”eaten\”. How many mothers hold their children in their hands for fear of breaking them, and wish they could be with their children all the time. When my child goes to kindergarten, I wish I could install a camera to see what my child is doing all the time. The child was doing a handicraft. As soon as he got the scissors, he quickly grabbed them and said I would cut them. When I saw my child doing housework, I took it away without saying a word, saying that he couldn\’t do it well and that studying was his real job. As a result, children have less and less independent space of their own. Eventually they were all invaded. In the name of love, control children. But I forgot to maintain a sense of proportion. Wang Shuo once said, \”I don\’t remember loving my parents. When I was a kid, I was afraid of them. When I got older, I started to annoy them. Then I was in conflict with them, making noises when I met them. Then I looked down on them and avoided them. On the one hand, I feel that I have a responsibility to them and should be nice to them, but I just can’t do it and can’t even pretend; and later on, I feel sad when I think of them.” This describes how many people feel about their parents. Why has the relationship that was once so close and beautiful become filled with smoke? Why does the parent-child relationship become more and more tense as the age increases. I think one of the reasons has a lot to do with the parents\’ sense of proportion. Because when I was young, my children were small and could not survive away from home, so I had to endure it. You didn\’t try to understand the child, respect the child, and love the child. Just trying to control the child through simple and crude methods. When that child grows up, he won\’t have the patience to face you. Those painful childhood memories will torture their souls. So much so that I can only avoid this relationship. In the end, I realized that I couldn\’t pretend or hide from it. But why not fall in love earlier? The sooner I understand the sense of propriety, my father willAs a mother, the relationship with your child will become more comfortable and intimate in the end. What is a sense of proportion? There is no uniform standard and it varies from person to person. But it feels the same, that is appropriate, just right. For example, you should love your children and give them intimate love, but you should also not forget to respect their independence, give them the right to choose, and dare to let go. Give children the opportunity to try and make mistakes. I always emphasize giving children the power to try and even make mistakes. But many mothers disagree and feel that our role as parents is to prevent children from making mistakes and prevent children from getting hurt. Otherwise, what do you want your parents to do? Indeed, in the first few years of children\’s lives, they need meticulous care and a safe environment to grow. But we also need to see children’s self-expression. Seeing their resistance, there is actually a reason. Even a two-year-old child may say no to you with a raised fist. They are fighting for their rights and expressing themselves. what would you do? For example, he just wants to take this stone home. He just wanted to take this fluffy reed home. My wife always hesitates when faced with such a situation. But I always choose to support Xiao Xiaoyu. Just when we are at the door of the house, I will remind him not to let all the hair of the reeds fall off, it will not be fun, and it will not be easy to clean the house if they fall off. You see, they are very light and will run away when the wind blows. It is recommended that you try to wrap it or put it on the balcony. He achieved his goal of taking it home and was willing to cooperate with putting it on the balcony. But now, he still picks up stones and takes them home. But I won’t take Reed home with me. Sometimes, we have to trust our children. They are not that unreasonable. Children who are truly unreasonable are all forced out. Because no one wants to listen to them, they have no choice but to act recklessly. Also trust your children\’s choices and they will consider the consequences. Sometimes you remember the consequences more clearly than you do. The premise is to let them do it themselves, rather than you telling them the results. In the process of doing it, the child understands what can and cannot be done. And next time, he will do better and be more conscious. When can you let go of your child\’s hand? Maybe you would say wait until the child is ready. In fact, many children are already ready. For example, by the age of six or seven, they can already do many things independently. But my mother is still one or two years old. Desire to have a child’s full time and attention. But the child is eager not to follow his mother\’s arrangements. As a result, the mother will try her best to please or defeat her child, using these methods to achieve the purpose of control. Because only by taking control can you feel good, feel needed, and feel like you are still a mother. But this will sacrifice the child\’s space. Only mothers who respond to their children in a timely manner when they are needed and know how to get out of the way when they are not needed can expand their children\’s independent space, find their true selves, and develop a healthy independent personality. Let yourself grow with your children and have enough courage to let go. \”All love in the world has the ultimate goal of coming together, and there is only one kind of love that has separation as the goal – that is the love of parents for their children. The truly successful love of parents is to let the children separate from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible. To separate from the middle, this kind of separationThe sooner you leave, the more successful you will be. \”After the psychologist Winnicott studied tens of thousands of mother-infant relationships, he said that as a mother, you just have to be a good enough mother. This is good enough. I think love cannot be less. If it is less, it is not good enough. But don\’t go too far, because too much is not a good thing. This is the \”sense of proportion\” of parents. And how to achieve a sense of proportion is something we need to learn throughout our lives.

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