• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

Mom, thank you for not becoming a resentful woman

People often say: If you don’t raise children, you don’t know the kindness of your parents. It was during the hardships of raising children that I suddenly asked: How did my mother survive in the first place? I would collapse after raising one. My mother raised four. How did she try not to go crazy? We brothers and sisters were born one after another. My mother must have suffered a lot in those years. We have an old family photo in our house where my mom is sitting holding my brother who was just a few months old. When I was a kid, I didn’t think that was my mother at all. The woman in the photo was incomparable to the mother in front of me. She was dark and thin, and she was so thin that she was out of shape. How could it be like that if it wasn\’t because of overwork? If, as an adult, the most difficult thing for a man is the days when he \”doesn\’t make enough money to spend\”, then the most difficult thing for a woman is probably the first three years after giving birth to a child. When I was a child, I always felt that my mother had a bad temper and would get angry at every turn. If I was too lazy, she would yell: \”Why are you so slow? I can\’t even scare you with the roar of a thunder dragon!\” As a child, I was often upset in my heart, but her temper reached its peak. That\’s it. Thinking about it now, that was already her most restrained state. Mom’s job requires you to be on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. There is no salary, no bonus, no professional title. Not to mention the heavy responsibility, others still think it has little technical content and are very dismissive. Something is wrong. , anyone can stand up and accuse her – how do you take care of your children? It is because of this that many mothers have accumulated too much resentment in their hearts during the first three years of raising their children, not only because they are tired, but also because they lack understanding and recognition. However, bad emotions always have an outlet. If a mother\’s own adjustment ability is not that good, her children will suffer first, and then herself and the entire family. When I was about seven or eight years old, I witnessed a fierce conflict between another mother and her daughter in the village. The scene shocked me beyond measure at the time, and I still remember it clearly. No one knows what exactly caused the conflict between the mother and her daughter. By the time a large group of people gathered in their yard, the mother had already straddled her daughter and started fighting. In front of half the village, old and young, she was fighting. While beating and scolding: \”Little bitch, little slut…\” I couldn\’t believe that those were the words a mother scolded her daughter. I thought that such hard-to-speak dirty words must be used to attack the enemy. I went home to learn to speak with my mother, and my mother said lightly: \”Don\’t learn to swear.\” Then she said nothing more. Probably because mothers in the world will always easily understand another mother, heavy workload, troubled children, displeased husband, there is always one thing that will stir up her nerves and make her take the opportunity to explode. But if she vents her pain in a way that hurts others, it must be wrong. A few years later, the daughter who was beaten dropped out of school early before finishing junior high school, and went to work in the south to catch up with the labor wave with the little sisters in the village. Later I heard that she had free love outside and found a boyfriend. I thought she would escape her mother, find love, and live happily ever after. But then I heard that her boyfriend was actually not good to her. He always pulled her hair when they quarreled.Slap her. I thought that when she was a child, she was spanked by her mother, and when she grew up, she would swear that she would never be beaten again. However, later she got married, and the man she married was the same boyfriend who slapped her whenever they had a fight. In fact, I was young and inexperienced at the time, and had no idea that a child who grew up in such an environment of beatings and scolding would develop a low self-esteem personality. She herself did not believe that she deserved a good lover and a good life. Or it can be said that she has never seen what a good lover is or what a good life is. For her, her marriage replicates her childhood. If she didn\’t please her mother well in childhood, she would try to please her husband in marriage. Without receiving higher education and without professional help, it would be difficult for her to break out of this emotional cycle. While other people\’s mental state would be on an upward spiral throughout their lifetime, she was just a simple copy of her mother\’s lifestyle. I can\’t imagine, if my mother was also that violent, what would my life be like now? Jia Baoyu said that before a girl is married, she is a priceless pearl; but after she is married, she develops many bad problems for some reason. Although it is a pearl, it has no luster and color, and is a dead pearl; no matter how old she is, , instead of beads, they turned out to be fish eyes. What turned the orb into fish eyes? Probably the hardships of life. Many women who have become mothers, including myself, have gone through a period of time when they were surrounded by resentment. Whenever they started talking, they would complain and complain non-stop. It feels like taking drugs. You know it\’s inappropriate, but your mouth doesn\’t seem to listen to your brain and you still have to talk. Only then did I understand that the reason why Mrs. Xianglin became Mrs. Xianglin was probably because everyone treated her suffering as a story or a joke. No one ever really wanted to comfort her heart, let alone I sincerely said to her: \”Don\’t blame yourself, it\’s not your fault. The child was snatched away by a wolf. It\’s the wolf\’s fault. It\’s not your fault.\” Thinking about it now, the reason why my mother didn\’t have such deep resentment at that time was because of her personal accomplishments. In addition, it is probably also due to my family. Although we live in a rural area, both my grandfather and father have jobs and a stable income. Many times, the window paper we are embarrassed to break is that when the family income is not enough to maintain normal food and clothing, it is difficult for the family atmosphere to improve. While not worrying about life, she is the only and favored daughter-in-law in the family. My mother has the same treatment as us children. When my grandfather comes back from a business trip to buy us gifts, he never forgets to bring one to my mother. My mother also said that in this family, she is treated as a daughter. While giving her a sense of security and belonging, my dad is a husband who is relatively able to share difficulties. Among all the men who are \”hands-off shopkeepers\” around me, my dad is relatively family-oriented. Although he didn\’t do housework, whenever he was at home, he would definitely take out all the children he could take out to play, so that the house, which was like a boiling pot of porridge, could calm down and give her some breathing space. Only a calm mother can raise physically and mentally healthy children. But facing a mother who is physically and mentally exhausted and full of resentment, all the earnest words, earnest teachings, careful guidance, and even tit-for-tatIt was of no use and could only make her more resentful. When the woman called \”Mom\” reaches the edge of collapse, those \”fake and empty\” slogans on her lips are all useless. Whether it is understanding, respect, or love, they all need to be put into practice. Action.

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