• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

Mom, this is the longest 8 minutes of my life…

I packed up and went out in the morning. As I was walking on the road, my cell phone rang. It was my son’s father. \”I knew he would urge me…\” I couldn\’t help feeling upset and pressed the phone. Soon, the phone rang again, and I answered it angrily: \”Why are you urging me? I\’ll be there soon!\” Before I finished speaking, I heard my son\’s father\’s anxious voice on the phone: \”You took Zai Zai\’s schoolbag when you went out. \”?\” \”Schoolbag?\” I was stunned, \”Did you ask me to take my schoolbag when you went out?\” \”No, I didn\’t take Zaizai\’s schoolbag. We are at the school gate now. I will ride back to get it. Come and accompany him when you arrive.\” Just a moment!\” After listening to my father\’s words, I ran forward quickly without caring about wearing 10cm high heels. About 20 meters away from the school gate, I saw my father who had just found a shared bicycle and was riding back in a panic, and my son who looked anxious. I ran to Zai Zai and asked, \”Zai Zai, why did you get the wrong school bag?\” \”It\’s all my fault, dad. When I went out today, my dad asked me to put on my shoes and go to the elevator first. He said he would take the school bag.\” Zai Zai said with an aggrieved look. . \”Who knew he only took his own bag!\” \”Didn\’t you notice that he didn\’t take his schoolbag along the way?\” I couldn\’t help but raise the decibel level. \”Dad and I were talking silently and didn\’t pay attention to the schoolbag! I didn\’t know this would happen!\” \”You are the one who goes to school, how can you not care about your own affairs?!\” I started to blame Zaizai. Zaizai\’s expression was tense and helpless, and I suddenly felt something was wrong. I silently swallowed all the unspoken blame, touched his head and said, \”Zaizai, you are blaming yourself now, right?\” He nodded. \”What about other than blame? Are there any other feelings?\” \”Oh!\” he said with a long sigh, \”angry, angry and scared!\” \”Who are you angry with?\” \”Angry with myself and my father. Angry, we were walking forward in silence all the way without even noticing our schoolbags!\” \”Well. Then what are you angry and afraid of?\” \”I\’m afraid that I will be scolded by the teacher and I will be late soon. I will definitely You will get scolded by the teacher!\” As he said that, he looked up at the roadside. It was almost school time, and there were many fewer children on the road. I hugged him gently and said, \”Zai Zai, you will be scared if you are scolded by the teacher for being late. This is normal. Can you try to see how scared you are? Be with them, and your mother will be with you. Face them.\” He took a few deep breaths and began to relax. I continued: \”Mom is also scared, panicked, and worried. These are all normal emotions. We face them bravely. Mom and Dad will be with you. Mom will send a message to the teacher to explain it now. You will wait for a while. Is it okay to take the initiative to apologize to the teacher after entering?\” He nodded. After a while, I asked: \”Mom, when will dad come?\” I looked at the time and only 4 minutes had passed. I said, \”It will take at least another 4-6 minutes for dad to arrive. From home to school The distance cannot be changed. Dad has to wait for the elevator to go up and down after arriving at the community! So we have to wait for a while. Why don\’t you go do exercises first, and we will put the schoolbag in the bathroom later, and you can come out and get it. \” He thought about it, shook his head and said, \”I\’d better wait for dad!\” Time passed minute by minute, and I helped him sort out his emotions.He finally relaxed. Although the tension and fear were not completely eliminated, he began to realize that making mistakes was not terrible, as long as he faced it bravely, took responsibility for it, and learned from his mistakes. Seeing that there were no children going to school on the roadside, he stood not far from the school gate and asked me anxiously every minute: How long has it been and how long will it take for dad to arrive? Finally, I saw my father running all the way from a distance. We all couldn\’t help but let out a long sigh of relief. Zaizai said: \”Dad, what took you so long?!\” When I told him that it only took 8 minutes, he opened his eyes wide in disbelief and said, \”How could it be only 8 minutes? Why does it feel like it\’s longer than eight years?\” ?!\” I said: \”This is the feeling of anxiety when waiting! When emotions are occupied by anxiety and tension, these emotions will be infinitely amplified, and people will feel that time is extremely long!\” \”Mom, this is what I have experienced The longest eight minutes of my life!\” he said. I hugged him in silence. For him at a young age, this was indeed the longest eight minutes of his life. After this incident, he would know that the waiting process was far more torturous than the thing itself. Watch him quickly take his father\’s schoolbag and stride into the campus. Although we all know that he will inevitably be criticized by the teacher after entering the class, we all believe that he has the courage to face and accept his mistakes and grow from them. Zai’s dad explained the reason why he didn’t bring a schoolbag. It was rare for Zai’s dad to carry his own backpack that day. At the same time, because Zai’s schoolbag was very heavy, Zai’s dad was reluctant to let Zai Zai carry it, so he decided to carry it for Zai Zai, so he should carry two backpacks. A bag. As a result, although he told Zai Zai that he would take the school bag, when he went out, he only took his own backpack and completely forgot to take Zai Zai\’s school bag. After walking to school like this, the two of them realized that they didn\’t bring their schoolbags! After listening to my father\’s explanation, I could only roll my eyes at the sky speechlessly. Sure enough, it is unreliable for a father to take care of a baby! When Zaizai got home in the afternoon, we discussed the matter again. He told me what happened at school and said to me: \”Mom, I used to be very scared and felt that making mistakes was unforgivable. But now I know that making mistakes is not scary. It is more important to face it bravely and correct mistakes.\” This incident was just a trivial incident in Zaizai\’s growth, but many times, it is not the thrilling events that affect the child\’s core personality, but these seemingly insignificant things. In the process of interacting with children, parents\’ attitudes, emotions, behaviors and cognitions will profoundly affect the child\’s experience. These experiences will gradually form the child\’s behavioral perception model, and gradually become a unique psychological system that affects affect children\’s emotions, behavior and cognition. If when a child makes a mistake, we deny, criticize, accuse, constantly sarcastically preach, and look like we hate iron, the child will feel: I am bad, I am unbearable, I am not Good boy, I disgraced my mother, I was a bad boy. The child will feel ashamed and feel that it is humiliating to make a mistake. What he experiences is: I am unimportant and no one cares about my feelings. He will feel that he has made a huge mistake. This mistake ignited the mother. The anger made him nervous and overwhelmed. He didn\’t know what to do.To appease his mother\’s emotions, he will feel that his mother\’s anger is more frightening than the mistake itself. If things go on like this, the child will feel that making mistakes is scary, asking for help is humiliating, and being afraid is shameful. This experience will be accompanied by strong feelings of helplessness, tension, fear, despair and fear, which will continue to be reflected in his memory and feelings. Zoom in and let him gradually develop the awareness that making mistakes is very scary. The next time he encounters a problem, he will avoid it and use various methods such as concealment, lies, and shirking of responsibility to prevent himself from facing the problem. Because in his experience, the consequences of admitting that you have made a mistake are more terrifying than running away. On the contrary, if we can accompany our children, see their emotions when problems arise, listen to his feelings, accept and face these emotions with him, help him understand his own feelings, face them together, and discuss solutions . The child will know: This is how I feel, and it turns out that these emotions of mine can be dealt with in this way. When I make a mistake, my parents will not abandon me, but will accept me. It is important to face it with me, and I am respected. It turns out that the consequences of making a mistake are not so terrible, and mistakes can be dealt with… He will know that it is not terrible to make mistakes. As long as he has the courage to face them, mistakes can be solved. Children will gradually find confidence and form a complete coping system as their inner memory matures. Children will become more mature and confident. Therefore, don’t ignore the little things in your child’s growth. The accumulated coping methods from these little things will gradually form the deepest memory in the brain, gradually become our core personality, and become a model for coping with problems. As children grow up, parents need to continue to grow and establish a good attachment with their children, so that children will understand themselves correctly, trust their parents when they encounter problems, and gradually find the correct way to face problems!

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