• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

My 10-year-old is super clingy to me. Should I cry or laugh?

During the summer vacation, I promised Xiaopai that I would go on a mother-daughter trip with her, but due to various reasons, I couldn\’t go. The National Day holiday came, and I finally had the chance to taste what I wanted, so I took her back to her hometown in Anhui. For three days, there was no harassment or competition between the two sisters, just me and her. I thought she would be like a little best friend, chatting with me and enjoying life, but I was shocked to find that she was actually my lover in the previous life, and she came to renew our relationship in this life! Because she actually continued her usual \”torture\” at home, asking me eight hundred times in three days, Mom, do you love me? Ask when you get up in the morning, ask when we go shopping together, ask before eating, ask when we are sleeping together, ask in different ways. If she used to ask questions at every opportunity at home, now the two of them are inseparable, creating opportunities for her to conduct bomb-style interrogations. Mom, do you love me? I love it. Then how much do you love me? Have you ever loved me so much from the earth to the moon, and from the moon back to the earth? I love you, much more than the love that goes from the earth to the moon, and from the moon back to the earth. My love also goes around the moon several times, then returns to the earth, and comes to you… so disgusting Ah, God knows how I managed to say these earthy love words without changing my expression or heartbeat. Now as I type these words, my stomach is churning. But under her \”training\”, even though I feel extremely uncomfortable, I have become more and more aware of the answers she wants. If I am impatient and perfunctory, I will only face \”torture\” with a higher level of difficulty. Ask the heavens and the earth, how come I, a reserved, low-key and restrained person, gave birth to a little lover with such unrestrained emotions? In addition to earthy love words, Xiaopai is also keen on kissing and hugging. During the few days he spent with me during the holidays, he often hugged me and kissed me from time to time. It is even more exaggerated at home. She will suddenly step on the sofa and shout: \”I am announcing that I am selling my hugs. Who wants to buy them?\” If I encourage Ning Ning to buy them quickly, she will loudly refuse: \”I don\’t want to buy them.\” Sell ​​it to Ningning, I will only sell it to my mother.\” OMG, it\’s just like a piece of chewing gum, I can\’t shake it off no matter how hard I shake it. The mother-daughter relationship between me and her always gives me a sticky feeling. She is almost 10 years old. At this age, shouldn\’t she be carrying the shadow of a little adult and start building small walls for her own world? Why is she still coveting the embrace of her old mother? The answer to my question seems to be found in a mother and her adolescent daughter. She is a cousin I haven’t seen in my hometown for a long time. We met for dinner and shopping, and she brought her 14-year-old daughter with her. During the meal, my cousin kept putting vegetables for her daughter, and kept saying: \”This green vegetable is good, you should eat more green vegetables.\” She also put the chili from her daughter\’s bowl into her own bowl: \”Eat less chili. Be careful of acne.\” The daughter frowned and said nothing. I turned around and looked at Xiaopai. She was eating seriously and didn\’t seem to need any help from me. After dinner, we went shopping. Entering a clothing store, Xiao Pai excitedly ran to the clothes rack and shouted: \”Mom, Mom, come and try this one, it looks good.\” As for the 14-year-old girl, she sat on the sofa as soon as she entered the door and brushed her hair. We have cell phones and have no idea what clothes we want to buy.interest. On the contrary, it was the cousin who was eager to find clothes that suited her daughter and asked her to try them on. As a result, the girl suddenly stood up and said, \”Mom, shopping is so boring for you guys. My classmate asked me to go play and I have to leave.\” The cousin became serious and asked a series of questions. The girl rolled her eyes and said impatiently: \”Oh, Why do you always care so much? My classmate is also in the bookstore under this shopping mall. I will meet her. If you don’t believe it, you can come down later.” The cousin pursed her lips, was silent for a while, and agreed: \”Okay, don\’t go too far. Let\’s go home together then.\” The girl left, and the cousin\’s eyes dimmed, and her interest in shopping seemed to have lost much of her interest. I said to the side: \”Sister, you are such a worried mother.\” My cousin nodded and sighed: \”Yes, adolescent children really don\’t know what to do with them. If I control them more tightly, she will You want to run away, but I don\’t trust you if I don\’t control it loosely.\” I glanced at Xiaopai and thought of the question that had been lingering in my heart for a long time. I suddenly realized that the parent-child relationship is like a handful of sand. You can grasp it. The tighter it is, the faster it leaks, the more you want to shake it off, and the more firmly it sticks to your palm. My cousin and I both have inner demons that are difficult to overcome. I don’t like to express my emotions too openly, and my cousin has too many worries about the child. In the parent-child relationship between me and Xiaopai, it was me who was on the run and Xiaopai who was chasing me. As for my cousin’s mother and daughter, it was my cousin who was chasing them and my daughter who was on the run. It\’s not always a comfortable way to get along. I have been following a big V mother named \”Dodo\” on Weibo. She also has three children, but her eldest son is already in college and her two younger daughters are in elementary school. I remember a Weibo post she posted not long ago, which left a deep impression on me. Children of different ages have their own ways of getting along with each other. My cousin\’s daughter and I are 10 and 14 years old, four years apart. Coupled with the different family environments, we have two completely opposite parent-child relationships. The Dodo also believes that mothers and children should steadily establish their own time usage boundaries from the age of five or six to seven, eight or nine years old. There is inclusion and separation, and it is necessary to establish a rhythm of companionship and peace of mind. No one is always offside and occupies the other\’s life. This will help children establish a measured relationship: respect each other\’s rhythm and strive to establish their own rhythm. If my cousin and I try to do the opposite, I will take the initiative to stick to Xiaopai when I have time and ask her, do you love me, how much do you love me, do you love me as much as I love you, come on, let\’s do it Hug me; but when I’m busy, let Xiaopai respect my rhythm and not cross my time limit. Will it be more pleasant for us to get along? My cousin should learn to be like me and treat her daughter like a little adult, let her do some of her own things and be responsible for herself; and my cousin should also be busy with her own things and pay more attention to herself. Will her daughter feel that her mother has changed? You are so cute, and you take the initiative to stick to me? Alas, it seems that neither my cousin nor I have established such a measured relationship with our children. In order for parents and children to stay together and stay well, old mother, please continue to work hard.

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