• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

One sentence to bring back the child who jumped off the building: Without this ability, no matter how good the education is, it will be in vain.

What would you do if your child is addicted to Internet cafe games and doesn\’t even go to school? A 13-year-old boy skipped school and went online. When the child\’s mother found out, she rushed into the Internet cafe. Without saying a word, she picked up a hammer and started smashing the computer. In a rage, she even bit a police officer who came to coordinate. In the end, the mother of the child was detained and the Internet cafe was fined 9,000 yuan for admitting minors. Some people say that Internet cafes deserve it. Whoever allows you to allow minors to access the Internet will be punished by you. Some people say that you will understand the mother\’s mood when you have a child. If you don\’t punish the network administrator, you are merciful. Others say Say, why don\’t you beat your son and smash the Internet cafe? This kind of IQ basically says goodbye to education… There are different opinions and no consensus. In this farce, the mother is out of control and acting violently, the son is rebellious and rebellious, and the Internet cafe is operating illegally. All three are involved. Perhaps in this mother\’s view, Internet cafes are the main culprit for making her children skip school. As long as the Internet cafes are smashed, the children can learn well! But can this really solve the problem from the root? Children can use another Internet cafe to surf the Internet, do we still have to destroy all Internet cafes? Faced with children who \”always go against themselves in everything, refuse to communicate, and constantly challenge rules and bottom lines,\” what should we do to \”turn conflicts into friendship\”? Maybe we can find the answer in the following news. On October 20, after a disagreement with his parents, a boy stood on a 33-story building and wanted to commit suicide. He repeated one sentence over and over again, \”I don\’t want to study.\” The parents and teachers tried to persuade him frantically, but the child kept trembling and showed no intention of changing his mind. Until firefighter Liu Hao appeared, his words gradually stabilized the boy\’s mood. What did he say? \”If you don\’t study, we don\’t study, it\’s okay.\” It was this sentence that made the boy realize that he was seen and understood; it was this sentence that saved a young life and a family. Why does this seemingly simple and ordinary sentence have such \”magic power\”? Because this firefighter managed to empathize with the children. What is empathy? Empathy means being able to enter the other person\’s mental state, put yourself in the other person\’s position, see the other person\’s world through his eyes, feel the other person\’s psychological feelings, and respond appropriately to the other person\’s feelings. To put it more simply, it means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and empathizing with others. Empathy is the golden key that opens the door to a child’s heart. As the famous German psychiatrist Stephanie Steele said: \”The ability of parents to empathize is the key to children accepting positive or negative influences.\” In the CCTV documentary \”Mirror\”, Zhang Zhao, an 18-year-old boy , because he dropped out of school and fell in love early, he was regarded as a \”problem child\” and sent to a special education school for reform. Zhang Zhao has repeatedly threatened his parents with committing suicide and jumping off a building, but he only received a cold reply: \”Jump if you dare.\” \”Every time they say this, I think, if I go home again, I will be the grandson!\” When the teacher asked Zhang Zhao\’s parents what they thought about Zhang Zhao\’s desire to jump off the building, they said, \”I don\’t believe it. I feel like he doesn\’t have the guts. He has found our weakness. He just says what we are afraid of.\” Zhang Zhao tried to confide his pressure to his parentsWhen the teacher tried hard, the response he got was: \”Thousands of people in the school can stand it, why can\’t you!\” When the teacher told Zhang Zhao\’s parents, Zhang Zhao actually still wanted to go to school, study hard and get into college. Zhang Zhao\’s parents laughed outright and retorted: \”He is not telling the truth. He is too evil. He is lying to you.\” Zhang Zhao found that his thoughts and emotions had no reason to exist in the eyes of his parents; Parents have never squatted down to feel the inner world. This made him despair, and those indifferent responses also penetrated into his heart sentence by sentence. The body has memory, it is like a thorn, inserted in and pulled out. When he thinks of these experiences again, the wound is still faint. Pain. Luo Jing, a doctor from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said: \”Parents who understand empathy can more easily get into their children\’s hearts.\” There are many reasons for children to cry in life. For example: a favorite toy is broken, the ice cream in your hand suddenly falls to the ground, you play with building blocks for a long time but fail to build it successfully, you want to play the merry-go-round but the amusement park is closed… Many parents will wonder: Why do these scenes happen? , I clearly used the empathy method and told the child that I knew he was sad and I could understand it, but why did the child become more noisy? Think about it carefully, are you really using the right method? Do you empathize for the sake of empathy and say \”I know you\’re sad\” perfunctorily, or do you feel sorry for your child from the bottom of your heart and really accompany him to vent his negative emotions? Professor Brene Brown gave an interesting example in a lecture on empathy. A man accidentally fell to the bottom of a well and shouted for help below, \”I can\’t get out, it\’s so dark here, I\’m about to collapse!\” A man looked down and said to him: \”Oh, you must be feeling very uncomfortable, right?\” ? Uh… Do you need to eat a sandwich? How about I tell you a joke? Maybe you will feel better…\” The other person also looked down, said to him: \”Hey!\” and then climbed down to the bottom of the well. Tell him: \”I understand how you feel, you are not alone.\” This is true empathy. I may not say a word, but I understand how you feel, and you are not alone, because I will be with you. walk out. If you just \”encourage\” people from across the bank based on your own ideas, the effect will often be counterproductive. Therefore, when a child loses his temper, feels wronged, or is slightly depressed, we might as well listen patiently to his \”sadness\” first, then hold the child\’s hand, stroke his back, or give him a warm hug: \” I know you are very angry now. It doesn’t matter. Just cry when you are sad. Mom will always be with you.” Tracking studies show that as long as 30% of parents and children are empathic, the children will become very good in the future. happiness. Even if there is a sudden rebellious period, parents and children can survive it safely. Some Japanese netizens recalled their mother’s education methods: I have to admire this Japanese mother’s approach. There is no need to yell or scold, which easily resolves the child\’s \”rebellious period\”. Parents with empathy will treat their children as independent individuals, communicate and dialogue with them on an equal footing, put themselves in their children\’s shoes, and give their children trust, affirmation, encouragement, and praise. Practicing empathy is the way to be a fatherA required course for mothers. And having empathy is actually not difficult. Just remember one rule: Don\’t forget how you felt as a child, and treat your child the way you want to be treated. When you were a child, did you ever long for encouragement, attention, recognition, understanding, and comfort? If so, please try to let the child tell his story and feel his heart. If he is happy, cheer with him; if he is sad and confused, spend it with him and give him a hand when necessary. Never stay out of the situation and judge loudly. We must integrate into the child\’s spiritual world and establish a heart-to-heart connection with the child. As teacher Li Xue said: \”Children don\’t need adults to point out right and wrong. They need their own feelings to be confirmed, and they also need to understand the feelings of adults. When true feelings flow, they can naturally respect and care for each other.\” Without empathy, no matter how good the education is, no matter how much effort is put into it, it will be in vain. Let us not forget that we were once children. At that time, we were most eager to be understood, supported and helped by our parents. The same is true for our children now.

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