• Wed. Dec 6th, 2023

Parental love is the only love in the world that aims at separation

Recently, Xiao Chen always has a dark face, and has changed from his usual cheerful and funny style, becoming less talkative. As a friend, I was worried that something might happen to Xiao Chen, so I asked about the situation. Xiao Chen talked to me aggrievedly. It turns out that a family war broke out at Xiao Chen\’s house a few days ago. The cause was that Xiao Chen bought a laptop without telling his parents. His father thought that Xiao Chen made his own decisions and spent money without knowing how to save. When he found out, he was a little unhappy and scolded Xiao Chen, why didn\’t he discuss it with him before buying it. As for the sentence \”When you grow up, I can\’t make the decision anymore.\” Xiao Chen seems to be very yin and yang, and feels that his father is controlling him. Xiao Chen, a man in his 30s, had to tell his parents to buy a laptop. The argument between him and his father became more and more angry. Finally, the mother stood up and stopped the father, \”The child is so old and can be independent. Besides, it didn\’t cost you any money!\” After hearing this, the father became even more angry, thinking that even if he spent his own money, he couldn\’t waste it casually. As a result, Xiao Chen and his father could not understand each other, and they broke up on bad terms and had a cold war with each other. In fact, Xiao Chen\’s father usually likes to control Xiao Chen. When Xiao Chen bought a scarf, his father thought it didn\’t look good and said that she had aesthetic problems and shouldn\’t buy this kind of scarf, but should buy that kind. Xiao Chen liked a set of stamps and asked a friend to buy them with great effort, but his father said that what is the use of buying this? It is better to collect commemorative coins. Xiao Chen wanted to travel abroad with his friends. His father said that there were so many places in the country to choose from, so he had to go abroad. Xiao Chen\’s father always likes to measure Xiao Chen with his own living standards and values. He forgot that although Xiao Chen was his own child, more importantly, Xiao Chen was an independent individual. Xiao Chen needed respect and recognition just like his father. During the Chinese New Year, I met with my sisters at a teahouse, and An Qi told us about her troubles. Although there were no major conflicts in An Qi\’s family, she and her husband had constant quarrels. She felt like a sandwich biscuit, and sometimes even felt like she was about to suffocate. An Qi felt very upset and wanted to find out the source of her troubles. She longed for the legendary quiet years. An Qi has been married for three years. Her husband has been taken care of by her mother-in-law since he was a child. Although he is willing to participate in housework, he is always clumsy and can\’t do it well. An Qi simply takes on most of the housework at home. She originally thought there was nothing wrong with it. My husband is also grateful for this and is very accommodating and doting on An Qi in other aspects. But An Qi\’s mother, whenever she goes to her daughter\’s house and her son-in-law is not around, she likes to complain that her son-in-law is lazy and makes her daughter work hard. The mother always rejected her son-in-law under the banner of \”I am doing it for your own good and thinking about you\”. An Qi felt very embarrassed and could only simply comfort and enlighten her mother. Later, when her mother saw that her words could not affect An Qi, she beat her in another way. For example: \”You have been tired from work all day, and he is just playing games without caring about anything?\” \”You see, your dad is so old and does all the housework at home. You are used to relying on others at such a young age.\” Look, you discuss everything with your husband and never make the decision yourself.\” Such things, An Qi didn\’t care about at first, but as time went by and she talked more, An Qi slowly took it to heart and felt that what her mother said It makes sense, she began to feel slowlyUnbalanced, the complaints and anger in my heart often turn out to my husband. The young couple naturally quarreled. The situation of An Qi\’s husband is not much better than that of An Qi. Her mother-in-law often likes to seize clues in life to find fault with An Qi and then confide in her son, in order to exclude her daughter-in-law\’s position in her son\’s heart. As time passed, her husband also felt that it was reasonable and felt very annoyed. He often argued over trivial matters and used them to highlight her shortcomings. An Qi felt aggrieved and the quarrels continued. The young couple, who were originally very close and talked about everything, gradually became estranged due to the battle between the two old men for their children, and they were no longer as loving as before. The two elderly people in An Qi\’s family are keen to participate in their children\’s marriage and housework, and influence their children\’s thoughts. If they cannot control their children, they try to influence them. Everything is done under the banner of \”for your own good\”. As everyone knows, children do not need these so-called \”good for you\”. And these \”good for you\” are just self-satisfaction. My friend Xiao Xiao is 35 years old and finally found the girl he likes last year. In fact, he had dated several girlfriends before, but Xiao Xiao\’s mother prevented Xiao Xiao from dating them because she didn\’t like them. Now everything is fine with the girl Xiao Xiao found, and her mother agrees. The two families are busy preparing for the wedding. Unexpectedly, Xiao Xiao and his girlfriend broke up recently. Just when we were surprised, Xiao Xiao told us the reason. Xiao Xiao\’s wedding room is ready-made and does not need to be decorated. You can move in after buying new furniture. Xiao Xiao never expected that when buying furniture, his mother insisted on following her and asked Xiao Xiao and his wife-to-be to buy furniture according to their own preferences. Of course the prospective daughter-in-law refused, but her mother-in-law was not allowed to buy any of the furniture she had chosen. In desperation, Xiao Xiao\’s girlfriend broke up with her, saying that his mother was too involved in their affairs, and if things continued like this, she would have no autonomy in the future. So, Xiao Xiao was single again. I still remember when I was in college, I was studying in the study room, and suddenly I heard a boy in the corridor shouting, \”Why are you looking through my letters without my consent? Don\’t you know this is an invasion of personal privacy!\” \”You They were all born to me, so what privacy do you have?\” the boy\’s mother yelled loudly. Many Chinese fathers and mothers like to treat their children as private property. Even if their children have grown up, become independent, and have started a family, they are still willing to recognize the objective fact that their children are physically mature, but do not want to admit that their children are independent individuals with their own thoughts, one’s own outlook on money, one’s own outlook on life, one’s own values, and even one’s own outlook on consumption. Deep down in their hearts, they refuse to let go and want to intervene, control or even control. The root cause is that Chinese people generally have a blurred sense of boundaries. The closer the relationship, the lower the sense of boundaries, and the more they like to intervene. Parents work hard to raise their children and learn how to be parents, but they forget that exiting appropriately is also a part of being a parent. There is this passage in Taiwanese writer Long Yingtai\’s \”Seeing Off\”: \”I slowly and slowly understood that the so-called relationship between parents and children just means that the fate between you and him is to continue in this life. Watching his back fading away.You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear where the path turns. Moreover, he uses his back to tell you silently that there is no need to chase him. \”All love in the world is for the purpose of gathering, but only the love of parents is for the purpose of separation. If you love your child, give him respect and recognition. If you love your child, let him let himself go. , Stand on your own, if you love your child, give him freedom and let him be independent. As their parents, looking at their leaving backs, silently tell yourself, don’t chase them.

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