I never dreamed that my son and I would have such a heated argument. That day, my son, who has loved mathematics since he was a child and aspired to be a mathematician, tore up all the materials related to mathematics and yelled at me: \”I won\’t learn anymore, I won\’t learn anymore!\” After that, my son decided not to go to school. I had no choice but to take him to see a psychiatrist. It turned out that my son had suffered from depression due to excessive stress. The doctor\’s diagnosis was like a wake-up call, forcing me to reflect on the way I educate my son. My son has been very interested in mathematics since he was a child. In addition to completing the homework assigned by the teacher, he also loves to study some advanced questions, and his grades are also among the best. I was so excited to see his obsession with mathematics that I began to imagine the glorious scene of him becoming a mathematician in the future. So, I enrolled my son in a Mathematical Olympiad tutoring class and asked him to go home from school and take 2 Mathematical Olympiad test papers every day, and 4 papers every day on weekends. In the beginning, the intense practice did make his math scores rank first in the grade. I don\’t allow his math scores to take a step back. If his score is a few points lower than before, he will be scolded by me. Since then, my son has no time to laugh and play with children of the same age, let alone enjoy his supposedly carefree childhood. Gradually, he hated studying mathematics more and more, and he became upset when he saw the test papers coming one after another. He told me more than once that he didn’t want to do questions every day and felt overwhelmed and miserable every day. But I never took his words to heart, I just thought they were the innocent moans of a child. The truth is, my son was overwhelmed and really sick, and I didn\’t even know it. It wasn\’t until the diagnosis results were clearly laid out in front of me that I understood: A child who is too busy to be himself is doomed to collapse, it\’s just a matter of time. Not being able to see children idle is a disease. I once saw a video. The girl burst into tears and said: \”What\’s wrong with me, or what\’s wrong with me? You can say whatever you want, and I can change it. But I need free time. I\’ve finished my homework, and I\’ve finished my own things. Do I still have problems playing?\” It turned out that after the girl completed her study task, her father asked her to study extra, leaving her with no time to play and no room to breathe, which made her feel even more stressed. Finally, the girl screamed from her soul: \”Please cherish our children\’s childhood time!\” Seeing this girl crying into tears, this girl being pinned down by her father at the cold desk, I suddenly understood my son\’s difficulty, and I also felt sorry for me before. I feel deeply ashamed and remorseful for my behavior. Balzac once said: \”Childhood is the most wonderful stage of life. At that time, the child is a flower and a fruit, a piece of ignorant wisdom, an endless activity, and a strong desire. .\” However, if parents always regard \”learning has no limit but hard work as a boat\” as the norm, let their children\’s life since childhood be nothing but studying. That child is just a question-solving machine, insulated from a beautiful childhood, and even less connected to enthusiasm and vitality. It reminds me of a first-grade boy named Kaikai in \”Dear Little Desk\”. In addition to completing the homework assigned by the teacher every day, Kaikai also has to complete two test papers assigned by his mother. If his examIf the test score does not reach 100 points, one missing point means one more test paper. In one summer vacation, his mother actually asked him to complete 376 test papers. Kaikai obviously didn\’t like his mother giving him too much homework, but in order to please his mother, he said against his will that he would \”buy all the exam papers for this year and finish them.\” The heavy workload made him breathless. He began to lose energy and became restless. He could not solve the problem no matter what. You can feel his depression and grievance across the screen. In fact, brain scientists have long discovered that if people study without stopping for a long time, the brain will be in a state of extreme hypoxia, and thinking will become slow. In other words, if children keep studying, not only will their grades not improve, but they will become dumber as they learn. At an age when I should have time to play and be curious and ask questions, I was trapped by my parents in the small space of the desk, making friends with black and white words. The child with the light in his eyes and the strength in his heart will naturally disappear. The fastest way to ruin a child is to keep him busy thinking about what a teacher friend said about her student Hanhan\’s experience. For a while, a friend noticed that Hanhan was always listless in class and stopped answering questions. His originally beautiful handwriting began to become sloppy, and his test scores were a mess. And after class, Hanhan and her classmates were no longer seen happily playing. My friend chatted with Hanhan and asked about the situation. Unexpectedly, Hanhan cried and asked: \”Teacher, can you talk to my father and stop asking me to do so many test papers? I want to listen well in class, but I am too sleepy.\” The friend asked Hanhan\’s father for details. Condition. It turns out that Hanhan\’s father has suffered enough from being uneducated and desperately hopes that his daughter can study hard and get good grades, and must not repeat his old path. Therefore, he has very strict requirements for his daughter. He requires his daughter to complete a Chinese paper and a math paper that he assigned when he comes home from school every day to test his daughter\’s learning situation in school. If his daughter gets a question wrong, he will give her 10 similar questions for her to do again until there are no more mistakes. A first-grade child comes home from school every day and has to do homework assigned by his father until after 10 o\’clock before he can rest. How can a child who is severely deprived of sleep concentrate on listening carefully the next day? British educator and sociologist Herbert Spencer said in the book \”Spencer\’s Happy Education\”: \”When a child is happy, he learns anything quickly. If he is depressed and nervous, The confidence and efficiency of learning will be significantly weakened, and even if a great educator is invited to educate them, it will be in vain.\” Squeezing the child\’s time to the limit, leaving him unable to breathe freely or enjoy a moment of joy, is the stupidest education. Way. Not only will parents not get the good results they expected, but they will also bring an indelible psychological shadow to their children, and psychological problems such as being tired of learning and being tired of the world will also appear uninvited. Do you still remember Yan Ziyou, a boy who was forced into depression by his mother in \”Little Shed\”? Yan Ziyou was forced by his mother to study in various cram schools since he was a child. When he was promoted to junior high school, his mother intensified her efforts, forcing him to study, study, and study again. The small head is filled with undigested knowledge, and the thin shoulders are burdened with heavy schoolwork and memorizedHe was overwhelmed by his mother\’s \”face project\”. He wanted to play football for a while, but his mother felt that playing football was a waste of time. He loves observing bugs the most and aspires to be a biologist, but his mother threatens him by saying, \”If you play with it again, I will throw away these dirty things of yours.\” He was belittled and insulted by the teacher in the tutoring class and was physically and mentally exhausted, but his mother pretended not to see it and still let him continue to study. The little child cannot get the understanding and support from the people closest to him, and has nowhere to relieve the pain and worries in his heart. He can only pick the skin on his fingers again and again, and he doesn\’t care if it gets broken. He is using the pain in his body to transfer it. Psychological suffering. In the end, Ziyou failed to withstand the pressure imposed on her by her mother, and suffered visual and auditory hallucinations, often talking to herself, and suffered from depression. Professor Li Meijin once said: Don’t let your children stay at home to study all day long, otherwise their brains will be highly excited, their cerebellum will not be stimulated, and their brain nerves will not be fully excited, which will lead to psychological problems. No parent wants to see their children suffering from mental illness, but the educational methods that parents think are \”good for their children\” silently destroy their children. Must-read parenting books for parents recommend Calvert\’s Complete Education Book Collector\’s Edition pdf. Only by returning time to children can they obtain a win-win education. Professor Li Meijin once talked about a conversation between her and her daughter in a lecture. She is deeply envious that her daughter\’s generation can live in a prosperous society. The daughter said disapprovingly: \”Our generation is very envious of your generation. You are so happy.\” Li Meijin asked her daughter: \”Why?\” The daughter said: \”You adults can\’t feel our pain. Every morning at 7:10 When I sit in the classroom, I have to sit until 5:30 in the afternoon, and when I go home to do my homework in the evening, I have to finish my homework until 11:30. Mom, it’s not just one day, it’s 12 years, even Saturdays and Sundays have been occupied by you.” Thinking about it carefully, it is indeed true. in this way. Today\’s children almost always have good material conditions at home, and their parents naturally have higher requirements for their learning. Parents want to fully draw the bow and shoot far, but if they draw the bow too much, the bowstring will break. Similarly, if a child is kept in a small world all day long and answers questions mechanically, his eyes will become dull, his mind will become stiff, he will lose his yearning for a better life, and it will be more difficult for him to form a sound personality and a good mentality. I particularly admire what my colleague Sister Wang did. Sister Wang’s son is a senior in high school this year and will face the “big test” in his life in a few months. Seeing other parents constantly overloading their children, giving up their children\’s hobbies, and only letting their children switch between classroom, study room and cram school, Sister Wang did not follow the same pattern on her son. She still allowed her son to retain his own hobbies. After evening self-study, while other children hurriedly walked out of the school gate and turned to the next battlefield, his son could exercise on the playground for half an hour. Every weekend, as long as the weather permits, she encourages her son to play basketball at the gym near the community. Sister Wang gradually discovered that although exercise took up a certain amount of her son\’s study time, during exercise his son released his stress, became energized, studied more efficiently, and was more willing to communicate with his parents. When her son occasionally failed in exams and became irritable, Sister Wang also allowed her son to play a few games to relieve his depression.Feelings. In Sister Wang\’s family, even during the stressful senior year of high school, her son has the freedom to control his time. Therefore, he is more conscious about his studies and is working hard for his ideal university. This \”sense of autonomy\” will make each child feel that he is a happy child respected by his parents, and the parent-child relationship will naturally be harmonious. Because no child wants to live like a puppet in the hands of his parents, mechanically performing prescribed actions. There is a line in \”Little Shede\”: \”Education is not only responsible for children\’s present, but also responsible for their future lives.\” We ask children to study hard, but we must never forget that the ultimate purpose of learning is to prepare children for life. Love life instead of imprisoning children\’s lives and making them lose their expectations of life prematurely. Therefore, wise parents know how to return time to their children, rescue them from the endless sea of ​​problems and come ashore to stretch their muscles and enjoy the scenery. Click \”Like\”. Only in this way can children be full of life and vitality, parents can not be overwhelmed by anxiety, and a win-win situation in education can be opened.