• Sat. Dec 9th, 2023

Parents who don\’t talk well are the beginning of tragedy in their children\’s lives…

Children are actually your mirror, especially adolescent children. As the result of your more than ten years of upbringing, if you yell at them, they will yell at you; if you smile at them, they will also smile at you. . When we parents truly understand the consequences of not speaking well, most parents may have some thoughts. Parents who don\’t speak well are the culprits of their children\’s character defects. \”If you don\’t study hard, you will sweep the streets!\” \”Look at you, you will definitely be beaten to death before you regret it!\” I once heard a passenger on the high-speed rail She scolded her middle school son, saying that he was not doing his job properly and was always hanging out. While the mother was leaving, I asked the child, \”Why can\’t your mother be more obedient when she scolds you like this?\” He said, \”Because what they said made me feel uncomfortable, and scolding me made me feel better.\” . They always feel that they are right, and they always have an unquestionable attitude.\” \”And even if they are wrong, they will not admit it or apologize. The most important thing is, I don\’t want to say it, because no matter what I do, None of them are satisfied, and they are always scolded!\” It must be said that his rebellion really made his parents worry. But does his parents\’ verbal violence make him feel better? On Zhihu, there is a question: How much harm does parents\’ verbal violence do to children? One netizen responded this way: Parents\’ verbal violence can have consequences similar to corporal punishment: children\’s anxiety, stress and depression will increase, and behavioral problems will also increase. Accepting children\’s imperfections is a compulsory course for every parent. No matter whether the child makes a mistake or not, parents should speak well. Yelling is not only ineffective in changing the child\’s words and deeds, but can also cause certain harm to the child\’s body and mind. Verbal violence is a life-long pain for children. There is an experiment that went viral: This experiment was conducted at IKEA in the United Arab Emirates: negative information was given to this plant for 30 days, and the plant actually died. They select two identical plants in the store, in the same environment, with the same water, the same light, and the same fertilizer. In these same growing environments, the only variable is the exposure to different \”sounds.\” One of the plants hears insults and demeaning words from people every day, while the other plant hears positive words of praise. In the last 30 days of the experiment, surprising changes occurred. In this same growing environment, the plant that was so verbally attacked actually withered, while the other one grew better and better in the exaggerated environment, and even sprouted new shoots. This experiment is really surprising. It makes people think about how powerful language is in the process of education. The language used by many parents in educating their children actually has a great impact on their children\’s emotions. Just like these plants, they evolve into different states due to different languages. Psychologist Alfred Adler said: Children develop a sense of inferiority in their psychology and become self-centered. This may be due to the impact of physical defects or the environment in which they grow. For example, parents adopt wrong education methods for their children. The child will believe that life is full of suffering and develop a hostile mood towards the surrounding environment. Parents’ temper and temperament are related toA child’s life-long happiness. Parents who are accustomed to yelling will affect their children\’s emotions, eventually causing them to lose their sense of security and become sensitive and vulnerable. Diane Dweller wrote the autobiography \”Mom, Mania, and Me\” in which she recalled living in fear of her mother since she was a child. Her mother was very irritable and would lose her temper with her and her sister for no reason, and yelling was a common occurrence. In order to \”survive\” in the family, she desperately tried to reduce her sense of existence and met all her mother\’s requirements without any bottom line. But no matter how well she did, her mother always had reasons to criticize her and find fault with her. She could never meet her mother\’s requirements, and she lived in the shadow of self-denial every day. When she was 17 years old, she met Tony, who was eight years older than him. Tony cared for her and gave her the warmth and happiness she had never experienced before. She thought, it turned out that I, who was useless in the eyes of my mother, actually had something. People love. A person who had never eaten sugar felt the sweetness of sugar. She quickly fell in love and married Tony. In order to hold on to this hard-won candy, she tried her best to be nice to her husband, but her husband was still dissatisfied and often blamed her and called her useless. She escaped from her mother\’s \”abyss\”, but fell into another abyss. Perhaps due to the influence of her mother, she has always felt that she is poor and unworthy of love. Even if it is her husband\’s fault, she would rather reduce her sense of existence than divorce. Her mother\’s constant beatings and yelling made Diane Dweller particularly short of love. In order to get more love, she turned into a pleaser personality. Only by constantly satisfying others can she get a little love and reward. This character did not change until he became an adult and started a new family. Violent education will only bear the fruit of cruelty. Violent education will not bear the flowers of virtue or the fruit of wisdom, but will bear the fruit of cruelty. When you use verbal violence as an educational method, you have deviated from the original intention of education. Recently, there is such a heart-stopping animated picture circulating on the Internet: A father abroad saw his son addicted to computer games all day long and had nothing to do, so he became angry, took a loaded pistol, put it in front of his son, and He said angrily: \”If you have the guts, don\’t live anymore!\” Unexpectedly, the moment the father turned around, the son really pulled the trigger. When the father came to his senses, the son had already collapsed on the ground, lifeless. physical signs. No one knows what this young man was going through during his lifetime. Perhaps he also fell into the quagmire of self-blame and asked himself countless times: Why was he so unsatisfactory? I even thought about committing suicide to end it. It happened to be at this point that his father\’s words, \”If you have the guts, don\’t live anymore\” became the last straw for him, causing an irreversible tragedy. No parent wants their child to be harmed, so how can we avoid these harmful words? Parents can try to improve expression. Before speaking, think, organize and organize the language. For example, if a child makes a mess in the room at home on the weekend, the parent repeatedly reminds the child to clean it up, but the child is busy playing games and ignores it.Sometimes, most parents may get angry and say to their children: \”Why are you so disobedient!\” But if they use the language of love, they may say: \”Baby, I see your room is in a mess, and I feel unhappy because I I hope you can develop a good habit of being clean and tidy. Can you take some time to tidy up?\” Comparing the two expressions, the child is definitely more willing to listen to the second way of communication. Every parent hopes that their children can live a happy life, and they put a lot of thought and care into making arrangements for their children. But judging from the current situation of today\’s society, it is actually the parents who harm children the most. There is nothing wrong with love, but the wrong way of loving. I hope every parent can love their children in the right way. Only gentleness and firmness can raise good children. When we see a child making mistakes, we must first understand the original intention behind the child\’s behavior. There was a commercial filmed in Thailand. Mothers were waiting for their children to get out of school. When the children came, they were all covered in mud and dirty. When the mothers saw this, they exclaimed and yelled at their children without exception: \”My God! Mom hates how dirty you are! What did you do?\” But after a while, the mother knew the truth about her child\’s sloppiness. It turned out that on the way here, the children saw an old man\’s cart broken down in the mud, and the things in the cart were scattered all over the floor. In order to help the grandfather move things, they got themselves covered in mud. The mothers were very moved after reading it, but they also felt particularly guilty for their children. In their eyes, the children are naughty and love getting into trouble, but these children are kinder and more innocent than they imagined. Next time, don’t be too busy blaming your child, maybe his original intention will touch you. After understanding the child\’s thoughts, if the child really does something wrong, we must be gentle and firm. I once saw a story: A child was always late for school, and the teacher talked to the child\’s mother. After the mother found out, she did not beat or scold the child, but asked him calmly: \”Why do you go out so early, but you are always late?\” Seeing that the mother had no intention of scolding, the child calmly told the truth: \”I was by the river. Watching the sunrise, it’s so beautiful! I forget the time when I watch it.” The mother laughed after hearing this. The next day, she accompanied her children to the river to watch the sunrise. Seeing the beautiful scenery in front of her, the mother was also filled with emotion: “ Son, you are really great for discovering such a beautiful scenery.\” On this day, the child was not late. After returning home from school, his son found an exquisite watch on his desk. Under the watch was a note written by his mother: \”Because the sunrise is so beautiful, we must cherish time and learning opportunities more.\” , you say so? I love your mother.\” From then on, the child was rarely late again. Educator Helvetius Helvetius once said: \”Everyone is born the same. Just because of the difference in environment and education, some people may become geniuses, while others may become ordinary people or even idiots. Even ordinary children, as long as they are educated properly, will Become an extraordinary person.\” Suhomlinski once said that we must protect children\’s hearts as carefully as we treat dewdrops on a lotus leaf. Treat every child gently and kindly, build the strongest protection for their souls, and let them know that with the support of their parents, they don’t have to worry about falling no matter how high they climb, and they don’t have to worry about getting lost no matter how far they go.

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