• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Raising a child is not easy. How parents can control their mouths is very important


Oct 1, 2023

An adult who cannot be quiet will gradually raise his children to be incompetent. Knowing how to control one\’s mouth is the most advanced parenting education. Having breakfast at a small noodle shop, a mother and son were sitting next to them. From the moment the child takes the first bite of noodles, this mother\’s mouth is like an electric motor: from raising her hands actively in class, to not being picky when eating, from checking homework, to drinking more water during class…even sharpening pencils My mother has to tell me about such little things. Until the end, the child didn\’t even want to eat the noodles. He said \”I know\” impatiently, picked up his schoolbag and left without looking back. There is a saying that goes well: \”Every child is dancing on the tip of his parents\’ tongue.\” No matter how kind-hearted words and teachings are, if they are excessive, they will still turn into hurtful thorns and thorn in the heart of the child. In the past few years of raising children, I have become more and more aware of the truth: as a parent, being able to speak is a skill, but knowing how to shut up is a higher level of wisdom. When your child is concentrating, please shut up and don\’t let the company become a \”distraction.\” I watched a video: My daughter Mimi was doing homework in the room, and her mother came in at every turn to urge her to disturb her. How to Cultivate Children\’s Concentration Training Manual Video Course Section 53 \”Mimi, write quickly.\” \”Mimi, you can\’t adjust that timer, do you hear me?\”… After a while, I paid attention to Mimi\’s wrong posture of holding the pen: \”Which Did the teacher teach you to hold the pen like this?\” After a while, he reminded her from time to time that the answer was wrong. Finally, Mimi couldn\’t bear it anymore and broke out completely. She cried and said to her mother: \”I don\’t want to write anymore.\” Educator Montessori once said: \”Unless you are invited by the child, never disturb the child.\” When a child If parents always make noises to interfere when they are concentrating on something, it will disrupt their children\’s rhythm of playing and learning and their inner sense of order, seriously damaging their concentration. Compared with endless nagging and meticulous care, quiet companionship and appropriate exit can help children grow up in solitude. A class teacher once shared the story of a proud student in a speech: This student has been a top student since he was a child. No matter what subject, his results are always among the best. Not only that, but even some after-school hobbies, such as Lego, calligraphy, painting, etc., he always learns faster and easier than other children. The head teacher once asked his mother to share her \”education experience\” at a parent-teacher meeting: \”We actually didn\’t do anything. We just tried to talk as little as possible at home and didn\’t interfere or disturb. As parents, if you control your mouth, you are right. This is the best support for the child.\” What the mother said was an enlightenment. Properly shutting up is the first step in successful parent education. I remember a principal said: \”As long as children have these two abilities, they will not be bad at learning: one is concentration and the other is memory.\” But most of the time, children\’s concentration is not cultivated, but needs our protection. from. The most important thing to protect children\’s concentration is that we need to learn to shut up and not disturb. When your child wants to try, please shut up and don’t let worry turn into a “curse.” Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: “If a certain degree of worry is full of love, then excessive worry is tantamount to a curse.”curse. \”After watching the variety show \”Freshman Diary\”, I have always been deeply impressed by Jiang Chao. Jiang Chao\’s mother is a mother who is always worried about her children. From childhood to adulthood, she has been following Jiang Chao to take care of him and give him instructions. Until When Jiang Chao got married and gave birth to a child, his mother would still say \”pay attention to safety, eat well, and don\’t play around.\” Even when he and his wife were learning yoga, doing hair, and attending nursing classes, her mother was always with her. Jiang Chao himself said that his mother\’s excessive worry made him poor in self-care, timid, and afraid to try anything. I remembered a student many years ago who left a message about his experience: \”I feel like my mother\’s mouth , just like a lighted crow\’s beak. When I was learning to ride a bicycle when I was 8 years old, she always followed me and shouted, \”Be careful, you may fall.\” After she reminded me, I became even more afraid and trembling, so I actually fell and injured my leg. So until now, I haven\’t learned to ride a bicycle. When I was 10 years old, I represented my school in a speech contest. She kept reminding me not to be nervous until the second before I went on stage. As a result, as I became increasingly nervous, I was stumbling in my speech despite memorizing the manuscript, which I knew by heart, and I didn\’t even get an encouragement award. The scariest thing was the high school entrance examination. I originally wrote the answers to the multiple-choice questions on the answer sheet before doing the big questions at the end. But because my mother kept reminding me to pay attention to the time before the exam, I was afraid that I would get too excited and do the big questions first. When I was hurriedly filling out the answer sheet, I accidentally wrote the wrong answers to several multiple-choice questions, which directly led to that My English score is the lowest in my history. In the end, we missed the best local high school by 5 points. Professor Susan Ward, a psychiatrist, said: Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas. When parents are overly worried, they always use some negative language to constantly remind and hint their children. After that, the child\’s brain will unconsciously move closer to this suggestion. Then, these worries will slowly control his thoughts and affect his behavior. In the end, \”whatever you are afraid of will come to you.\” In psychology, this phenomenon is called It is a \”self-fulfilling prophecy\”. Negative suggestions are like a \”curse\” that keeps coming true in children. Whether you want to make your children successful or ruin your children depends entirely on the parents. When your children make mistakes, please shut up and don\’t let anxiety Wang Shuangshuang, the author of the book \”Listening to Children is Better than Talking to Children\”, shared his parenting story in the book: When every child first starts to write with a pen, his posture is not standard and the words are crooked. , Wang Shuangshuang\’s daughter was the same. So she kept correcting the child\’s pen-holding posture, and if she saw the words she wrote poorly, she would erase them for her and let her write again. Later, the daughter felt aggrieved and cried and complained: \”Mom, You can\’t do this, I\’m very tired from writing. \”The child feels that the mother has denied his achievements, and the mother feels that she is doing it for her daughter\’s good, so there is anger between mother and daughter. There are too many such parents around us. They seem gentle and kind, and especially want to help their children make progress, so It is always habitual to correct the children\’s various small habits and mistakes. But in this way, the children not only cannot feel the fun of learning and playing, but are also full ofThe tension and frustration of being monitored and criticized by parents. I am reminded of a writer who told this story: When buying flowers on the street, a 5-year-old boy wanted to tie a bow on the bouquet with a ribbon, but failed several times. The grandmother on the side couldn\’t help scolding the child: \”That\’s not it! Isn\’t this all right?\” But the writer comforted the little boy: \”Take your time, don\’t be in a hurry.\” Later she wrote in the book: \” Yes, I am willing to wait a lifetime for him to tie this bow calmly and calmly, using his five-year-old fingers; \”My child, take your time, take your time.\” As parents, we are all in a hurry. We are eager to let our children grow up and become perfect, but we forget that growth is a process of continuous trial and error. If you shield your children from all difficulties, you are actually depriving them of the opportunity to grow. The greatest foresight as a parent is not to rush to correct your children\’s mistakes, but to allow them to try and make mistakes. When a child wants to talk, please shut up and don’t let preaching close off parent-child communication. A mother once asked in a post forum: “My child fights with his classmates and is asked to be a parent by the teacher. What should I say to him?” One of them gave a high like. The answer is: \”If it were me, I don\’t want to say anything, I want to hear what he has to say.\” Compared with the mother chattering about \”fighting is wrong\”, compared with repeatedly chasing the child to make him promise \”never fight again\”, the mother is more What you should do is listen to your son. Listen to the reason why he fought, whether he was bullied by others and fought back, or he actively wanted to provoke others; listen to his inner thoughts after the incident, whether he had any grievances and regrets, and whether he had any worries or secrets. Listen patiently to your children and be an enthusiastic listener to your children. This is the warmest respect parents have for their children. I think of an example in the \”Parent Effectiveness Training Manual\”: the coach guides the children to do emotional management challenges: when asked: \”How to deal with when you feel wronged?\” \”Keep it in your heart\” is actually a common thing for most children. choose. When the coach gave guidance and asked whether they should talk to their parents, the children responded unanimously: \”It\’s useless to tell them!\” In life, there are many parents who are used to talking to their children and are willing to sit down and be quiet. There are very few parents who listen to their children. Children need an apple, but their parents give them a cart full of bananas; children need to listen, but their parents give them a lot of preaching, saying that this is all the love of their parents. This kind of love will only push children further and further away. I think of that parenting blogger I like very much. She recorded many videos of conversations with her son. In each video, the child kept talking, while the mother listened and responded gently. Even if her son said he wanted to be a baked sweet potato boss when he grew up, his mother would not preach or correct him. Instead, she would smile and agree: \”Mom will be proud of you too.\” The book \”The Road Less Traveled\” said: \”Listen It is to focus on the other person, and it is a concrete expression of love.\” Wise parents know how to listen first before talking, listen more and talk less in front of their children. Zhu Ziqing said in \”Silence\”: \”Your words should be like stars in the dark night, not like firecrackers on New Year\’s Eve – who cares about firecrackers all night long?\” Want to beExcellent parents must learn to \”shut up\”. A child who has just learned to walk cannot be as steady and fast as us. What we can do is: talk less, accompany more, and use silent support to give the child the confidence to overcome obstacles. So, dear parents: \”Shh, don\’t talk! Watch your child silently and let him grow up at his own pace!\”

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