Someone shared a video he took in a supermarket. A little girl about 4 years old was crying loudly, and her nosebleed was all over the floor. A supermarket employee was helping her wipe a nosebleed. Opposite the girl, an adult man stepped forward and slapped her hard. The girl cried even harder… Who was this man? What\’s his relationship with the girl? Why does a girl get a nosebleed? Why did he hit the girl? In fact, the man is the girl\’s grandfather. That day he took his grandson and granddaughter to the supermarket for shopping. After shopping, the little granddaughter probably didn\’t want to leave, so she started crying, and the man slapped the girl hard. How heavy is this slap? The little girl was beaten until her nosebleeded all over the place. When the supermarket salesperson wiped the girl\’s nosebleed, the grandfather refused to stop and slapped the girl again… After this video was posted online, many people became angry. It would be difficult for a stranger to do such a heavy hand to a child, but he is actually his own grandfather? Does this grandfather \”discipline\” his children in this way at home, beating them severely if they disobey? Do the child\’s parents approve of this approach? According to the \”report\” from the Public Security Bureau, the grandfather \”deeply regrets and blames himself.\” But if he encounters a similar situation next time, will he be able to calm down and stop violently treating his children like this? I think it\’s difficult. In emergencies, people tend to use \”familiar ways\” to solve problems rather than the \”right\” way. When a child disobeys, should you spank or not? There are countless parenting articles and expert advice now – don\’t spank your children, spanking is actually useless. This is evident in the incident where the grandfather hit his granddaughter. Grandpa wanted to leave the supermarket quickly, but his granddaughter didn\’t want to leave and was crying. He slapped the girl until her nose bleeds, and her granddaughter cried even more fiercely. Not only did it not shorten the time she left the supermarket, but it also caused a bigger commotion. Did grandpa get over his anger because he hit his granddaughter? No. He seemed to be even more angry, and even slapped his granddaughter in the face while the clerk was comforting her. This grandpa may have backward educational concepts and still uses \”traditional\” methods to discipline his children. But wouldn’t parents who often read parenting articles and know that spanking their children is bad not spank them? Some really won\’t, but some will. There are many messages in my background. They all said that they knew it was wrong to spank their children, but they regretted it after spanking their children. There were even mothers who cried while holding their children, and mothers who beat themselves after spanking their children, but the next time they encountered a child who was \”disobedient\” , or started fighting without even thinking about it. Why is this happening? Because it is difficult for many people to use the methods they have \”learned\” in real scenarios, and they will only use the methods they have \”experienced\”. If you have been beaten and scolded for \”disobedient\” since childhood, then what you have really experienced is the beating and scolding behavior of your parents. This behavior has been etched in your memory for many years. Every time your parents beat or scold you, you learn it again. Using \”beating and scolding\” to deal with your child\’s crying is the only pattern you clearly understand. When your child is disobedient and cries, in addition to imitating your parents\’ ways, there is also an important point: your \”painful memory\” is activated by this \”deja vu\” scene. Maybe this picture doesn’t appear clearly in your mind, but the scene of “you will be beaten if you don’t obey” already exists in your mind.subconsciously. Once you enter such a scene, your subconscious mind will mobilize not only your emotions, but also your behavior and even your physiological reactions – your blood pressure may increase, your heartbeat may accelerate, and your muscles may tighten… But in this scene you There are only two familiar characters – the child who is spanked, and the father or mother who spanks the child. Your brain will instinctively choose the role that makes you \”not painful\”, so you may behave exactly like your parents – spanking your children. After calming down, people who feel that they \”did something wrong\” and regret it are actually already on the road to awareness. There are also many parents who simply think that spanking their children is natural – I grew up like this, why can\’t I educate my children in this way? Can’t my own child be spanked? What does it matter if you take a beating… If you think you should take a beating \”of course\”, don\’t read the rest of the article. If you are the person who feels \”regret\” after spanking your child, then read on. What can you do? First, pay attention to the emotion of \”regret\”. Regret is a good emotion because it tells you – don\’t do it again next time, because you will feel bad after doing it. Remember this feeling, remember it deeply. Thank you sincerely for reminding you. Then, you need to have a set of replacement behaviors so you don\’t repeat the old behaviors. I don’t think there’s a standard process for every child, but I want to give you the best real-life example I’ve seen. British Princess Kate also lost her temper suddenly when faced with her children in public, and her method of comforting them can be said to be a textbook template. The couple were preparing to fly out after a visit to Poland when Princess Charlotte suddenly started to lose her temper and stamp her feet angrily. Princess Kate initially wanted to distract little Charlotte with something else and pointed forward. But it didn\’t work. Little Charlotte\’s temper was not relieved at all, and she sat on the ground. Princess Kate quickly hugged her. Then, as the news reported, Princess Charlotte \”quickly stopped throwing tantrums.\” Princess Kate\’s process of comforting her child is very short, but there are several key actions worth learning from. 1. Maintain eye level with the child. If parents squat down and look at the child, or lift the child to a high place to look at the child, they are actually sending a message – I do not disapprove of your current state, and I accept your emotions. 2. Help children express their feelings through some words. Many child psychologists recommend that parents use short sentences to help children express their emotions at this time, such as \”I know you are angry now because you are tired from walking\”, \”You feel wronged so you are angry.\” Right?\” Wait. Children can only feel their own emotions, but they may not necessarily know the reasons for the emotions, and they may not even be able to express them in words. A child\’s anger may pass quickly if parents help express it. 3. When dealing with young children, be sure to have physical contact with them, such as touching and hugging. Many children are not only afraid of other people\’s anger, but also afraid of their own anger. For most children, they actually don’t like themselves “losing their temper”. When parents approach them instead of staying away from them when they lose their temper, they are actually usingBehavior sends such a signal – I will not be frightened by your \”anger\”. Even if you get angry, I will still be willing to accompany you, comfort you, and will not leave you. To sum up, there are 3 actions: looking at eye level, talking to the child, and making physical contact. Remember the emotions, know the method, and the most important step. Practice, keep practicing. You must have \”experiences\”, your past memories, and the \”conditioned reflexes\” instructed by your subconscious mind before they can be \”replaced\”. With repeated practice, you can fine-tune your unique method of soothing your child. In the process, you are repairing the trauma of your childhood; in the process, you are also ending the long-standing \”tradition of harm\” in your family. Your children will not have similar harmful behavior imprinted on their subconscious minds, and they will not replicate this behavior in the upbringing of their own children. When their children fuss and have tantrums in the future, they will handle it with the grace and grace of a princess. And this way of coping was given to him by you in the process of raising him.