Children are impulsive, active, inattentive, easily distracted, impatient, procrastinating on homework… When children have this situation, almost everyone (including most of the articles you see) will tell you that this is The result of poor family education is the lack of discipline and punishment by parents to their children. And, it can be solved by setting strict rules and sternly urging your children to follow them. So, on the one hand, you fall into deep self-blame and regret for your \”inaction\”, and on the other hand, you begin to use \”severe discipline\” to try to change your child\’s behavior and bring him back to \”the right track.\” As a result, your relationship with your child becomes strained, and your child\’s condition does not change as you expected. You\’re anxious, frustrated, having meltdowns, yelling at your kids. As for the children, they will either confront you or be silent. This even triggered a large-scale family war. The mother blamed the grandmother for doting on the children and scolded the father for not caring about the children. Or the father severely punishes the child and blames the mother for being too doting… As a result, the family atmosphere becomes tense and the child is still the child with \”a lot of problems\”. In the past, when children had problems, it was their fault. Nowadays, when children have problems, it’s the parents’ fault. In fact, no matter who is blamed, apart from causing mutual accusations and hatred among family members and relatives, it has no value in solving the problem. Because human growth is achieved through mistakes and reflection, not through criticism and accusations from others. The medical community has given children with the above behavioral problems a name called \”Attention Deficit Disorder\”. In fact, their attention is not \”deficient\”, but because they are too curious and energetic, they are easily distracted by other things that are not important. Being distracted by things and unable to concentrate. Therefore, they bring great obstacles to home and school education. Teachers often criticize children for not complying with school disciplines and poor academic performance, and even ask parents to talk to them. Parents often punish their children for disobeying discipline, procrastinating on homework, and even alienating the relationship between parents and children. So, has anyone seriously thought about why children behave like this? Is it really the child\’s fault? Or is it caused by improper discipline? In other words, some children are unruly, unruly, destructive, dishonest, and disobedient. Is it really their intention? British pediatrician George Steele (who first coined the term ADHD) believed that these children\’s problems did not come from improper upbringing, but had biological causes or injuries at birth. Dr. Sammetkin of the National Institute of Psychology has proven that the cells in the brains of adults with attention deficit disorder, responsible for managing attention, emotion, and impulse control, absorb energy to a different extent than normal people. That is, attention deficit disorder is a physiological phenomenon. It is not difficult to understand that in a family with many children, some children are well-behaved and sensible, while others are disobedient. Or, some children are born into a bad family but grow up to be outstanding talents. And some children are born into a normal family but grow up to be people who accomplish nothing. The most typical symptom of children with attention deficit disorder is distraction, which is what we often call inattention.. This is very obvious in the homework – a ten-minute homework can be written in an hour, and it may not be finished. Must be accompanied (monitored). A child with attention problems said this: I would lock myself in my room and do my homework, but soon I would be distracted and do other things, such as reading extracurricular books or listening to music, and then I would try to come back to my senses. I came to do my homework, but I just couldn’t do it. You become very angry because of this, and you can\’t help but scold your child, blaming him for procrastinating, dilly-dallying, and not studying hard. But I never thought that my children also wanted to do their homework well, but they just didn\’t have the ability to complete it on time. It\’s like you want to educate your child patiently when he makes a mistake, but you yell at your child because you lack the ability to manage emotions. Whether you want it or not is one thing, and whether you can do it is another. Children with attention deficit disorder are very brain-burning and patient-weary. In order to correct their children\’s \”various problems\”, parents set strict behavioral rules and force their children to implement them. After a period of time, when you find that you can’t go on any further, you turn to letting go—that is, riding the wall between strictness and laxity. If you could understand that this is caused by physiological reasons, and studies have confirmed that the chance of this symptom being inherited is 20%-80%, would you be more tolerant of your children? When children with attention deficit disorder grow up, 1/3 can recover without treatment, and the other 2/3 will not get better when they grow up. In other words, ADHD exists in adults too. The husband with attention deficit disorder only plays on his mobile phone when he gets home, is not attentive at all when chatting with his wife, makes judgments before others have finished speaking, and is unable to get close to his wife. The attention-deficit wife daydreams all day long, is depressed, complains that she is not living up to her potential, and feels that she has given too much to the family and has not had the opportunity to use her talents. If a child is found to have attention deficit problems, parents should check to see if such a problem exists in themselves, their children\’s siblings, or other relatives. If so, you can look at the child relatively objectively instead of blaming everything on the child. Edward Hallowell, a famous American child psychologist and a top expert in the field of attention deficit disorder, said in his book \”Distraction Is Not My Fault\”: For children with attention deficit disorder, the key is to establish a blueprint. That is to say, from the perspective of attention deficit disorder, we try to eliminate the negative images accumulated over a long period of time and reconstruct our self-perception. This is an internal change. At the same time, we reconstruct all the details in our lives and try to improve their structure so that we can have more control over our lives. This is an external change. And gives methods to help children establish structure and organization in life: write down what the problems are and think of a feasible solution to each problem. Write the questions clearly one by one. Don\’t assume there are many questions. The biggest advantage of doing this is that it can reduce parents\’ anxiety. Give your child interactive feedback frequently and try to praise and encourage him. Children with attention deficit disorder often don’t know what they are doing, and they need feedback and praise more than the average person. Whenever possible, try to let him take responsibility for himself. Provide effective tools. Use a list, schedule, or alarm clock to remind your child of what to dowhat. Always remember: don’t fight him, discuss it carefully. U.S. President Lincoln, car magnate Ford, novelist Irving, composer Mozart, inventor Einstein, playwright Bernard Shaw, etc., they all had attention deficit problems and their performance in school was \”extremely bad\”, but in the end, they all Became outstanding talents in various fields. Therefore, if you are struggling with your child\’s learning and behavioral problems, you may be excited many years later because you are a \”genius mother.\”