• Mon. Dec 4th, 2023

Sensible children are the most distressing

\”Sensibleness comes from no one\’s pain.\” In the variety show \”Youth Talk\”, the girl Liu Jingjing\’s words made my nose sore and tears fell down. Liu Jingjing walked up to the rooftop and said to her father in the audience: Dad, I know you are very busy at work and don’t have time to care about me and accompany me. I know it’s because I am very sensible and you feel at ease with me. However, I hate this kind of naivety. I am only thirteen years old, I am still a child, I hope you will pay more attention to me. The girl’s last cry was for her father and all the parents in the world. Children who cry are given milk, but children who are sensible are in need of love. Although we all understand the truth, these words seem so \”bleak\” when spoken from the mouth of a 13-year-old child. Adults should not take children\’s \”sensibleness\” for granted. No matter how \”sensible\” a child is, he or she is still a child. Because \”sensible\” means that the child hides his childishness and presents himself as an \”obedient\” little adult. The more \”obedient\” children are, the more care and recognition they deserve from their parents. The word \”obedient\” is the longest and most painful nightmare in my childhood memory. For as long as I can remember, my parents have always told me to be good and obedient. Although I always ranked first in my grade from elementary school to junior high school, it was my younger brother who was praised every time who did not do so well. The compliment I heard the most was always, \”This kid is so obedient.\” When I was a child, my biggest dream was to have a doll. When I was 7 years old, I finally gathered enough courage and pointed to the pink doll in the window and said, \”I want this.\” My mother looked at me solemnly and said, \”This is too expensive, don\’t buy it.\” Seeing my disappointment, my mother knelt down and stroked my head and said, \”Nini is the most obedient.\” I nodded: \”Nini, be obedient and don\’t want any more.\” To this day, every time I think about it, I feel sorry for that little me who stood outside the window and said I didn’t want toys. I feel very envious when I see other children getting the toys they want just by crying and making trouble. Although I have always been the first in my grade from elementary school to junior high school, in my concept, \”obedience\” is the only \”excellence\” that I can achieve. Only by being obedient can I be seen. If I wanted to be noticed by my parents, I had to do my best to \”obey\”. However, I was unhappy inside. I had low self-esteem, sensitivity, and insecurity. My low self-esteem has been like a ghost, haunting me since I became an adult. \”Be obedient\” is like an old scar. Although the wound has healed, the scar remains. Children who are too obedient are often unhappy. In \”Miracle Boy\”, Auggie\’s sister Via is a particularly sensible and obedient girl. Before the age of 4, Via was innocent and innocent, with all the love from her family. Her father, mother, and grandmother all surrounded her. She is the only princess in the family, and her family cares about her and loves her. But Auggie\’s birth broke all this. Because of the congenital deformity, his parents gave all their love to this disabled little boy. Parents inadvertently ignored Via, because in their eyes Via was a sensible and obedient child who could take care of herself and live a good life without her parents having to worry about her. Her parents didn’t know that Weiya was actually very bitter.The puppy at home said, \”Does anyone want to know how my day was today?\” Obedient children can indeed make parents worry less, but at the same time they also hide the emotions that are hidden under \”well-behaved\”. They put on the cloak of \”obedience\”, but silently swallowed \”grievances\” and \”unhappiness\”, digesting \”sadness\”, \”loss\” and \”disappointment\” alone. How sensible she is and how affectionate she is to her family. Choosing to be \”obedient\” means giving love to your family and leaving sadness to yourself. This is a kind of forbearance and sacrifice, and it is also a kind of fulfillment. Children who are too obedient often don’t know how to refuse. In December last year, actor Ma Yili shared her parenting experience on Sina Live. She said that when her eldest daughter loved horses, she adopted a \”strict education\” and educated her into an \”obedient child\” that was envied by others. One day later, Aima came back from the kindergarten and told Ma Yili that when she was playing house with the children in the kindergarten, she wanted to be a mother for once, but the children she was with always let her be the baby. At that time, Ma Yili said disapprovingly: \”Then you can refuse.\” But Ai Ma timidly said that he did not dare. Aima\’s answer made Ma Yili realize the seriousness of the problem. After reflecting on the article, she and her husband believed that their too strict education made it easy to admit mistakes when loving horses. Usually, as long as her voice is slightly louder, she will say: \”Mom, I was wrong, I don\’t dare anymore.\” Over time, Aima also became cowardly when facing other people, and did not dare to say \”no\” , dare not resist. Ma Yili said: Don’t use too strict education for children. Even if you reason over and over again, don’t oppress them. Otherwise, children will easily succumb to other people’s overbearing words or behaviors. Children who are too obedient are likely to develop a pleaser personality. In the film and television drama \”The First Half of My Life\”, Ling Ling\’s son Jiaqing is a particularly obedient child. When her parents divorced, Jiaqing worked hard to please her mother. His mother remarried into the Chen family, and he carefully tried to please his new family. It is the nature of children to be innocent and carefree, but Jiaqing loses her innocence and feels more uneasy. Jiaqing is the child who wants to cry but doesn\’t dare, who wants to eat candy but can\’t get it. In order to get candy, he worked hard to please everyone, but forgot about himself. Everyone has a childhood, but not everyone’s childhood is filled with snacks, fairy tales and full of happiness. Some people’s childhood is wrapped up in grievances. \”Baby, be good, baby be obedient.\” \”If you don\’t listen to the old man, you will suffer the consequences.\” We always like to use \”obedience\” to educate our children, but few people reflect on whether they are \”obedient\” parents. When most parents communicate with their children, they often talk too much and listen too little, or even not listen at all. We always want to control our children\’s behavior and let them live according to our wishes, but few parents have the patience to decipher the emotional code behind their children\’s disobedience. In the documentary \”Mirror\”, there is a child named Jiaming. He was once an Internet addicted teenager. His relationship with his parents was very rigid. He was an out-and-out \”disobedient\” child in the eyes of his parents. Facing the camera, Jiaming cried and said: \”My parents have neverThey were never given a chance, and before they even finished speaking, they already refused. In his eyes, his parents never really listened to him. They always imposed their own ideas and even ideals on him, allowing him to live according to their wishes. The lack of communication and the ineffectiveness of communication eventually turned Jiaming into a troubled boy, turning the originally close parent-child relationship into that of enemies. Refusal to listen is the biggest killer of parent-child relationships. Teacher Sun Xiaoyun said: \”The most valuable thing Chinese parents say is: My child, what do you think?\” So, be a parent who patiently \”listens\” to your children! Voltaire said: \”The ears are the way to the soul.\” Please try to squat down and be a parent who can listen to your children. With a tolerant and broad love, we should respect our children as we respect ourselves, give them unconditional trust and care, and encourage them to boldly speak out what is on their mind. Treat children like adults and listen carefully to everything they say. Children learn what it means to be \”respected\” from their parents. Only when you talk to them can they respond with \”respect\” and \”understanding\”. Children who cry are given sweets, and children who are obedient are pitied. May we always be the ones who give sweets and allow children to have their own space to disobey.

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