• Sun. Dec 3rd, 2023

Strong women [mothers] cannot raise happy children

Two days ago, I heard something from a friend who is a teacher, and I was very surprised. One of her students has just entered the third grade of elementary school. The final exam essay was written by my father. As a result, the child wrote this paragraph, which made her dumbfounded: I remember one time, my father quietly walked into my room and said to me secretly: \”Son, lend me some money from my father.\” Give all the money to your mother.\” So, I took out my piggy bank and gave all the money in it to my father. At that moment, I felt that my father was really pitiful… Handing over financial rights was a matter of course in the eyes of adults, but it changed in the eyes of children. Although it\’s funny, it can\’t help but make people sigh. They say how important it is for a family for a father to be submissive, but sometimes, you will find that a family where one party has financial power may not be beneficial to the growth of the child. Most strong mothers cannot raise happy children. I have a friend who is nearly 40 years old and has yet to get married. Her previous boyfriends have commented on her as \”strong\” and \”unruly\”. One boyfriend even sent her a WeChat message after a breakup: After breaking up with you, I finally don’t have nightmares every day because of the stress. At a party, a friend accidentally mentioned her family of origin. I found that she was actually reluctant to mention the word father. Even if she did mention it occasionally, it would be due to her father\’s weakness and incompetence. My dad is a loser. She said that he couldn\’t make the decision in anything, and he didn\’t even have any of his own money left to give to my mother. I remember when I was in high school, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to bring my book subscription fee. I asked my dad for money, but he stood in front of the school and didn\’t even take out ten yuan… Such a thing still happened There are many, so I feel that it is better to count on him than on myself… From the beginning to the end, my friend made no secret of his obvious contempt and contempt for his father when describing his father. Her story made me suddenly discover a problem. A \”kneeling\” father could not help her correctly understand the correct relationship between the sexes in the family. As a result, she became more and more dominant, and became more and more critical of her partners. Until now, she still longs for love but has found nothing. Studies have shown that as parents are the two most important people in a child\’s life, the father\’s influence on the child\’s growth is even greater than that of the mother. Every move of the father is infinitely magnified in the eyes of the child, until it has an impact that can change the child\’s entire life. Interestingly, boys and girls will develop towards opposite extremes: cowardly and incompetent fathers will raise extremely strong daughters and equally submissive sons. There is a child in the neighbor\’s house, which is such an example. This child is very introverted, not good at expressing himself, and has difficulty integrating into a group. He rarely takes the initiative to say hello to the neighbor\’s children, and always hides behind his father. Neighbors said that the child was not like this when he was a child, but later, for some reason, he became more and more like his father. Once, in the community, I saw his father being scolded by his mother. I suddenly understood why the child always dared not speak loudly in front of others. The famous psychologist Gerdi said that father is a unique existence and has a special power in cultivating children. A person\’s relationship with his parents, especially his father, usually his relationship to the world. Newborns who are three to six weeks old can tell the difference between their father and mother, and their behaviors will also change according to the role of their parents: they will be quieter when their mother is with them, and they will be more excited and excited when their father appears. When the mother takes care of the child, the child likes to stay in the comfort zone, but when the father takes care of the child, the child is more willing to explore the outside world. When the father\’s role loses power, problems arise in the child\’s interaction with the outside world. In a family, in addition to verbal violence and cold violence, there is actually a type of violence that is easily overlooked, called economic violence. And economic violence also has a great impact on children. The Huffington Post in the United States published an article some time ago. The essence of economic violence is actually a kind of control. And a good family relationship means not controlling each other. But in life, in many families, the mother tries to control the father\’s daily life through money control. And this is actually a sign of a serious lack of trust. It means there is a bigger problem in a family. The interaction patterns in happy families are similar. To create a good family atmosphere, it is an essential prerequisite for mothers to respect fathers. I especially like Yan Ni for maintaining my father’s positive image. After Yan Ni divorced her ex-husband, she has been raising her daughter by herself. But whenever she mentions her child\’s biological father in front of the media, Yan Ni\’s evaluation is always very positive, saying that her ex-husband is a very responsible man. During the recording of the talk show \”A Date with Lu Yu\”, the host Lu Yu asked Yan Ni if she could become good friends with her ex-husband. Yan Ni replied that she and her ex-husband are lifelong relatives. Even when they encounter difficulties now, her ex-husband will still be there for her. Help immediately. Yan Ni\’s daughter has now grown up. She lives in a divorced family with a missing father and still maintains an optimistic and cheerful personality. This is indispensable for Yan Ni\’s hard work behind the scenes. Yan Ni\’s defense of her ex-husband convinced her daughter that even if her parents separated, they could still give her unreserved love and care. On the other hand, if a mother is always sarcastic and sarcastic about her father in front of her children, and the children do not know the difference, they will not only have a wrong understanding of their father, but they will also be used to looking at others in a biased way when they grow up. Avoid children to resolve conflicts privately. In the movie \”Heartbeat\”, the parents of the little girl Julie had a fierce quarrel because of their financial difficulties. The quarrel happened in front of Julie, causing Julie to mistakenly believe that the reason for the quarrel between her parents was I have been sad for a long time. It wasn\’t until later that my parents apologized that they were relieved. Many young people who live in a bad family environment generally believe that scenes of parents quarreling or even getting physical in front of their eyes during childhood are more terrifying than the situation of growing up as a single parent with divorced parents. Staging conflicts in front of children is tantamount to shattering the child\’s sense of security with your own hands. At this point, Chen Xiaochun and Ying Caier\’s handling is worth learning from. In the variety show \”Three Yards\”, this grumpy couple often puts each other in a bad light over trivial matters. But when they received a video call from their son Jasper, the couple\’s faces changed instantly. Looking very affectionate, Jordan Chan also cooperated with Cai Er Ying to be cute towards Jasper, and the scene was very heartwarming. Until Jasper saidAfter saying goodbye and hanging up the phone, the couple returned to quarreling mode. When children are present, it is particularly important for couples to moderate their negative emotions. Everything should be discussed and discussed. Over the years, many people have struggled with how a couple should spend their money. In most families, the mother manages the money, but managing money is never a way to control the husband. Once, Cai Shaofen and Zhang Jin were interviewed and were asked who was in charge of the financial affairs of the couple. Zhang Jin laughed and said that his wife Cai Shaofen was the powerful housekeeper. However, although everyone thinks that Cai Shaofen looks very strong in taking charge of the household, she is actually very considerate and considerate, and puts herself first in everything. In fact, as early as when Zhang Jin was unknown, Cai Shaofen, who had already achieved both fame and fortune, showed respect and admiration for her husband, allowing the man to put aside all pressure and burdens and concentrate on honing his acting skills until he became a blockbuster. People say that Cai Shaofen has the vision to find an all-around good man to be her husband, but if you think about it carefully, a good man is not created by a good woman with respect and consideration. Emotional mentor Tu Lei said: Your lover is your true partner in life, so you must be thoughtful and thoughtful. It is best for both parties to exchange their ideas regularly. Positive communication can further strengthen family relationships. In today\’s era, it is really not easy to be a mother, but strong mothers often fail to raise happy children. In a family where the mother is strong and the father is weak and full of control, children often have a biased understanding of the world. The imbalance between parents will lead to imbalance in the child\’s heart. Sometimes, it is important for children to have their father return. This not only requires the mother to let go at the right time, but also requires sufficient respect and consideration for the father.

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