• Tue. Dec 5th, 2023

Teenagers addicted to the Internet are not afraid of anything. What they are afraid of is the loneliness they will face after turning off their mobile phones or computers.

I was chatting with a friend not long ago: His daughter, who is less than 10 years old, plays games with her mobile phone and Pad all day long. She starts playing games after getting up, after meals, and before going to bed. No matter how gentle or fierce the tone of discipline is, there will always be a scene. Very awkward. In desperation, he even sought help from a psychiatrist. After a while, he was officially ready to start \”observing the condition\” in order to \”implement treatment.\” My friend was very upset and complained like a straw. I deliberately teased: Playing games is also a good way to exercise your brain. How can it be a \”disease\”? He answered: Worrying about affecting learning. Nowadays, children only think about games, don’t like to go out, don’t like to talk, and look anxious. I asked: Have you prepared any measures? Friend: Don’t tell me this, go see a doctor. I tilted my head: besides that? My friend stared at me in silence for a moment, then tilted his head as I did. When he tilted his head, I understood that if you don’t look for the problem yourself as a parent and rely solely on a psychiatrist, no matter how skilled the doctor is, it will be in vain. He is just sharing part of the responsibility and pressure of educating children with a psychiatrist. Just a \”professional\” outsider. Because addiction itself is not terrible, it is even very beautiful. It is inevitable that people will be addicted to many things in their lives: video games, reading, writing, drag racing, planting flowers and birds, fishing, opera, painting, fitness, traveling – the list is endless. Sometimes it has to be distinguished from \”hobby\”. To a certain extent, hobbies can cultivate sentiments and enhance the interest of life. Hobbies are often like the spices of life, the icing on the cake, but they rarely bring us unforgettable memories. In other words, addiction is more like a main dish in a specific period of people\’s lives and in a specific state. It is the color of that period of life and a highway to obtain certain spiritual experiences that are difficult to find in real life. If you are missing something, you will naturally look for it. If you cannot get it in reality, there will always be a field that can satisfy you. This is the principle of addiction. This thing is all kinds of weird and weird, but it also likes to live in ordinary people\’s homes. I enlightened my friends: I also went to Internet cafes when I was a child. Let’s recall the time when I was addicted to games. What was my state like? My friend laughed: I have never been addicted to anything. I feel sorry for him. I believe that many parents – including my dear parents more than ten years ago – have thought like this: My child is originally excellent, sensible, and lively, but the abominable online game has broken through the fragile heart of my baby. The psychological defense line captured the soul of the baby in one fell swoop, turning my baby into a child who is not excellent, sensible, and lively. As a parent, I have to fight against online games. I privately call this kind of thinking \”vixen logic.\” Just like the trampling of women\’s personality by traditional ethics: a man should be excellent, sensible, and powerful, but the evil woman is like a vixen, using her coquettishness and charm to make men fragile, confused, shameless, and lazy. At every historical juncture, there will always be a hateful beauty who ruins all the good situations. If there are no women, men can rush out of the galaxy under the influence of morality and etiquette. Even if the universe is unified, it will be a matter of time. I will not comment on this logic, because what I share with you is another idea. Have you found anything? Both of the above are presentTo escape something? Yes, take the initiative and take responsibility. In family education, the more parents avoid something, the more they will be controlled by it. Many parents are too lazy to take responsibility, do not have the courage to take responsibility, or even have no consciousness to take responsibility at all. From sexual awareness education, to trial and error education, to the cultivation of self-awareness, to the cultivation of independent thinking ability – the avoidance of these educational topics just proves the negative attitude and helplessness of parents towards them. Helplessness means there is no way, and anger often comes from having no way. I advise my friends: think quietly why the little girl is addicted to games. Now that I think about it, I should have asked this question more penetratingly: Why didn’t you let your children become addicted to you? If parents are obsessed with their children\’s education, obsessed with taking care of their children\’s physical and mental health, obsessed with cultivating their children\’s curiosity about the world, obsessed with leading their children to learn to respect, think from others\’ perspective, take care of themselves, and explore their own interests and hobbies, I don\’t believe it. A 9-year-old girl can\’t put it down with a certain game. It’s not that she loves this game, it’s that she has nowhere to go but to plunge into this game! When I was 9 years old, I was in the third grade of elementary school. During the summer vacation, the Chinese teacher assigned an extracurricular assignment. During the summer vacation, each child recited Tang poetry casually to accumulate self-accumulation. After the school started, there was a competition to see who could recite more. The student with the most recitations would serve as the representative of the Chinese class for the next semester. After my dad found out about this, he spent two months in one summer vacation holding the book \”Three Hundred Tang Poems\” and dozens of Song poems from his own memory, explaining the author, creative background and connotation of each poem. Clear and logical. Including starting to perform and recite \”Pipa Xing\” and \”Afang Palace Fu\” in front of me – it gave me a new understanding of Tang poetry, which at that time was only limited to \”goose goose\” and \”moonlight in front of the bed\”. This understanding gave me the most profound enlightenment on ancient literary creation – it turns out that ancient poems can still be written like this. From then on, I had a kind of honey worship for my dad. I learned how to secretly look through my dad\’s bookcase when he was not at home. Sure enough, I found a book and read it excitedly all afternoon. It was the first book I read without illustrations. That book is \”A Compendium of Chinese History\” by Bo Yang, two volumes, with my dad\’s annotations and notes on the book as he read it. I am still grateful to him for cultivating me, because this field is really wonderful and beautiful. I love the art of words and the joy of reading, just like a rainbow, I know there is something there when I meet it. I said to my friend: It’s not that I’m showing off my father, but that from now on I regard him as my standard, and this is at least what a father should be like. To be exaggerated, if the parent\’s charm is enough, a child under 10 years old will not have time to worship you every day, and will not have time to listen to you talk about all kinds of new things. How can he have free time to indulge in any games? Every child has a unique personality, and their family environment is also unique. Therefore, there are no fixed routines in education itself, let alone copycats and imitations. All actions are based on a full understanding of children. For psychiatrists, no matter how brilliant they are, they only have a supporting role. No matter how well the child recovers in the hospital, he still has to live with his parents when he returns home. If parents still don\’t realize the problem, what\’s the use? I don\’t believe itThe questions psychiatrists ask children are so profound that their first step must be to understand what the child is thinking, what the child wants, and what the child thinks the world is. And if parents can understand these problems, they won\’t actually need a doctor, right? Back to this \”Internet addicted\” girl, it only took a few years for this little guy to speak until he was 10 years old. In these few years, he can\’t even figure out the mental development of his biological daughter. I said in a slightly stronger tone. I asked my friends how much business they do at home and how busy they are. If we feel that educating children and working to make money cannot balance our energy equally, and we use busy work as an excuse to ignore family education, then why did we bring this little life into this world in the first place? To take good care of the children you give birth to is to be responsible to your wife. Educating children born with care means being responsible for them. No matter how tired or miserable you are, you must take the initiative to shuttle back and forth between livelihood and education. This is your responsibility to the family. If your children seem to be \”addicted\” to a certain game, here I am happy to share with you the advice I provide to my friends: Use a communicative and curious tone to ask your children \”Why is this game fun\” instead of He snatched the phone away and cursed, \”What\’s so fun about this game?\” Children who only learn stupidly are boring, and children who only play games are boring. If you dislike both of these children, then please take the initiative to become an interesting parent. If your child has friends, start with your child\’s friends to understand your child; if your child has no friends, please find ways to become his friend, otherwise please don\’t blame the \”vixen\”. Internet addiction is not scary. What is scary is the loneliness children face after turning off their mobile phones or computers.

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